I don't have a website any more. It didn't have it's server's hard drives raided by the police or anything dodgy before you all assume this was the case.

So anyway. I'm typing this on a temporary host.

 

The Championship refresher memo.

Given our slightly concerning points situation, I present:

A brief, shuddering, largely bitter reminder of what the Championship is really like.

 

1) Everyone in the Championship tells you this is the 'proper' league to be in. Full of proper fans.

2) re: Point 1. They're lying already. They're just suppressing the bitterness inside that they aren't a Premiership club. That they're shit now. That their season is over. They aren't going up. They're having to play loads of games in fucking Yorkshire.

3) Newcastle United at home is everybody else's category A game. Every away game the prices are those you'd probably be forgiven for thinking you were paying to play with the rest of the team. Or at least get a spot on the bench alongside Emmanuel Riviere, a man you assume is only here because he owns a season ticket you couldn't afford.

4) Newcastle United away is everybody's FA Cup Quarter-Final. Balloons. Families. Facepainting. A thousand people's only away game of the season.

5) You aren't 100% sure where Rotherham is.

6) Newcastle is now a less attractive option than 'small' clubs. Like Bournemouth. Or 95% of Ligue 1. Bonjour.

7) Our youth system is Adam Armstrong. That's nothing to do with the Championship at all. It's just something I wanted to make clear.

8) Every. Bastard. Club. sings the same five songs. Just replacing their club's name in place of the one they heard last week on the live TV game. Sloop John Bastard B every fucking week. Fuck these plastic bastards. Fuck them and fuck their Popworld playlist.

9) Mascots. Grown men dressed up as cuddly animals to entice children to games would get a man's council house firebombed back as late as the 90's. Now it's basically part of the "match day experience", an idea thought up by people who've clearly never enjoyed football, nor the company of the other sex.

10) The SkyBet Lounge. Now most of you will probably know about this. Basically they drag a sofa in to the stadium and a lucky punter gets to sit on it and watch the game. If anything the idea of a nice, warm sit down at the side of the pitch might be enough to entice Moussa Sissoko to stay, given his lack of ability and physical motion if it's winter.

11) Wigan.

12) Nile Ranger made over 50 appearances for Newcastle United.

13) Peter Beagrie's analysis of your excellent draw away at Fulham.

14) Fulham.

15) The best teams are full pelt Norwichy. Nothing against Norwich. But "workmanlike" = Shite.

16) It's "the most difficult league in the world". Is it? Is this more a battle than say, Barcelona away and Tino is paggered, Pistone plays and Dalglish is basically assembling a canny side on paper if we were going in to the 1989/90 season?

17) Sides that are still incredibly bitter about a game in the 80's you'd completely forgot about. You know the ones. Well hang on, you don't. But you'll hear about them. A man smelling of wet leaves will provide a blog of hatred, not unlike myself.

18) Fuck off.