*The officiant rings a simple bell.*
*He rings the bell a second time.*
*A third time.*
*He smiles broadly and serenely at all of you, and then looks to Caeli and Kairi in front of him.*

Caeli and Kairi... please stand on the lower step of the dais.

Caeli on the right, Kairi on the left.

Bridal party on the left, groom's attendants on the right.

-Introduction-

Ladies, gentlemen, futanaris, elves, catfolk, otherkin, and anyone I have inadvertently microaggressed...
Today is a celebration!
A celebration of love, of commitment, of friendship, of family...
... and of two people who are in it for forever.

You don't have to have a ceremony to have a marriage.

*He adjusts his glasses and smiles wryly.*
I've told Caeli this a bunch of times. He won't listen.
And when you think about it... the whole thing is kind of weird, right?
You're standing here, looking fancy, holding flowers, and being stared at by pretty much everyone who has meant anything to you.

*His expression becomes more serious, still calm and serene.*

So why do we do it?
The marriage ceremony has been an important feature across nearly every culture, religion, generation, and society.
Of all the important moments throughout our lives...
... This one is so critical we make it extra-special by sharing it with others.
*He smirks, pauses for effect, and nods.*
Yes, even here.
Why THIS moment?

*He takes a deep breath and continues.*

Because despite all of our differences, love is what we all share.
It's the great unifier -- our one universal truth.
That no matter who we are, where we've come from, what we believe, we know this one thing:
Love is what we're doing right.
That's why you both are standing here.
That's why you all are here to watch them stand up here.
We have all loved in our lifetimes.
And in THIS moment, we're reminded that the ability to love is the best part of our humanity.

-Anecdote from the Minister-

All of us here today have our own love stories. Some are short, others long.
Some are yet unwritten, while others are just getting to the good part.
There are chapters in all of our stories that are sad or disappointing...
... And others that are exciting and full of adventure.

*He tilts his head back and briefly closes his eyes, as if struggling to visualize something in mid-air.*
I've never fully experienced the love that you two share and will affirm today. But I've come close.
I found someone who got my dumb jokes and obscure video game references. She even laughed at a few of them!
I found someone to laugh with, to hug, to geek out about poorly animated sex scenes with.
I found someone who saw every insecurity, every flaw, everything I hate about myself... and saw my best features.
I found a confidant, a partner in crime...
... and a best friend.
*He smiles wistfully, then even more broadly at the couple before him.*

And that brings us here!
A time to pause, look back, and smile at all the moments that brought them here.
And a time to look ahead at all the moments that are still to come. 

I'm here -- we're all here -- because we want those moments for you.
We're here to hope with you, to support you, to be proud of you, and to remind you that love isn't happily ever after.
Love is the experience of writing your story. It's not one moment -- not even this moment. It's EVERY moment.

And even though this experience is so incredible, words fail us when we try and explain it.
That's just the way it is with love.
It's meant to be felt, not described.

But trying to describe love is one of our favorite pastimes!
We use the words we have to write stories, and poems, and songs about love.
And even though we describe love in different ways...
And even though love can look different from one person to the next...
... We all know it when we see it.
And we see it here.
*He confidently nods to the couple, and then to all of you.*

-Reading- 

So today, allow me to share one of my favorite readings about love from two experts in the field.
Calvin and Hobbes.

*The officiant takes a scrap of paper from his pocket, adjusts his glasses and clears his throat.*
Calvin: Hobbes, What's it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well... say the object of your affection walks by...
Calvin: Yeah?
Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards.
All the moisture makes you sweat profusely.
This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain and you get all woozy.
When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.
Calvin: THAT'S LOVE?!?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!
*He puts the paper away and grins at the couple.*

You fell in love by chance, but you're here today because you're making a choice.
You both are choosing each other.
You've chosen to be with someone who enhances you, who makes you think, makes you smile, and makes every day brighter.

-Vow Exchange-

You're about to make promises to each other that you intend to keep.
You're going to vow to take care of each other, to stand up for one another, and find happiness in the other.
There's a simple premise to each of these promises: you're vowing to be there.
You're teaming up and saying to the other, "Every experience I am going to have, I want you to be a part of."

Let's do this.

 

*He turns to Caeli.* Will you, Caeli, keep Kairi as your favorite person...
To laugh with her, go on adventures with her, support her through life's tough moments...
Be proud of her, grow old with her...
... And find new reasons to love her every day?

*He looks to Caeli and awaits the response.*

And will you, Kairi, keep Caeli as your favorite person...
To laugh with him, go on adventures with him, support him through life's tough moments...
Be proud of him, grow old with him...
... And find new reasons to love him every day?

*He looks to Kairi and awaits that response.*

 Will you, Caeli and Kairi, be each other's partners from this day forward? Will you bring out the best in one another...
Share your happiest moments together, and love each other absolutely -- for the rest of this lifetime...
... And for whatever may come next?

*He awaits the response.*

-Ring Exchange-

At this time, I ask you to produce your rings.

Caeli, please place your ring on Kairi's finger.

And Kairi... please place your ring on Caeli's finger.

*The officiant beams at the two.*

You've both chosen to wear rings as a reminder of these promises.
People often say wedding bands are a perfect circle, with no beginning and no end.
But these rings did have a beginning. The stones were formed a long time ago deep with the earth.
Eventually, a series of lucky events caused them to rise to the surface, where someone dug them up.
Metal was then liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees -- molded, cooled, and painstakingly polished.
Something beautiful was made from raw elements.

 Love is like that.
It comes from humble beginnings, and through a combination of serendipity and effort...
... Imperfect beings shape it into something extraordinary.
It's the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all.
As you look at these rings over the years, I hope you remember that.
You've created something invaluable.
And just as I know you'll protect these rings, I'm confident you'll protect the commitments you've made today.

-Benediction-

I have one final reading. The one piece of advice I consider worthy enough to share with you.
Some of the French speakers in the audience may recognize this.
*He clears his throat and intones the next words with conviction.*
"Voyageur, tu n'as pas de chemin, construit ton chemin en marchant."
Or, as I knew the quote:
"Traveler, if there is no path to your goal, make your own path step by step."

And now -- by the power vested in me by the M'n'F Club as your friend and Gramps -- I now pronounce you more officially married!
You may now get to the good part.

*He gets the hell out of the way.*

Caeli, I'm not allowed to confirm the marriage until you two have snogged.

-Presentation-

*He calls on all of you in the audience to stand as he stands in front of the couple.*
I now present... Caeli... and Kairi Lupus!! NOW LET'S PARTY!!!!!