Whatever you want to call it (picking up women, being a player, seduction, pickup artist, etc), meeting and convincing women to sleep with you is a difficult and time consuming process. Every man in the world is trying to do the same thing that you are, but to best them you must be able to do it better.
Before we get into any theory on the issue, let's cover some of the basics. Those of you who are more advanced in the art should use the table of contents at the top to skip to the proper section.
Your Appearance Is Important
Never underestimate the power of lookin' good. There is a experiment where women were asked to chose between 2 pictures. One was a guy dressed up in fast food uniform and the other was the same guy in a suit. They picked the suit everytime.
Women expect you to look presentable in order for them to be attracted to you. The problem with this section is that it is impossible to tell you what to wear in every situation. You must have a sense of style and dress appropriately for the occasion. If you are unsure how to dress for different situations, when you go make sure that you look at what everybody else there is wearing. Look for guys who you think are the more 'player' type and see what they wear. Remember not to just copy, you have to adapt their style into your own, but do not deviate too far from the common accepted social dress. As with anything that you do in life you must 'look the part'. What this means is that if you don't look like a player, people won't treat you like a player. You don't go to a tailor when you want to buy a piece of meat, you go to a butcher. Likewise, women who want some loose loving won't come to someone who they perceive is not the type to give it to her.
It's not just clothes that make the man; physical appearance matters too. Being more in shape physically helps, but is not a necessity. Skinny but not buff guys can easily get chicks too, but are more forced to make up for what they lack with witty and entertaining conversation. A super-confident and funny guy who does not have the best body can still lay very hot chicks. As for the fatter man, your job is the hardest yet. Women are more accepting of fat men than men are of fat women, but even so you do not want to be fat when attempting to be a pickup artist. It makes things monstrously more difficult. Another strategy is to be different from everyone else. You will stand out and girls will notice you more as a result.
Do not overlook this area. It encompasses much, including clean, trimmed nails; sharp haircut; good smell; and being as blemish free as you can get. Just remember to do your best to become a more attractive person.
Basic Girl Theory
Ever wonder what motivates a girl to like someone more than someone else? What makes more girls attracted to certain people and less attracted to others? Well let's delve into basic human/girl theory to see what's going on there. By understanding how women's minds work we can better use that to our advantage. Keep in mind that any tactics mentioned in this article are not guaranteed to work on any girl, but will give you the best general results, optimizing the number of women you CAN get.
Why the Asshole Always Wins
Sometimes this is true, but remember this is the strategy for the low value male who has to beat off the competition or make the competition look bad so he can look good. You will hardly ever see a guy who has a trait that women desire (looks, build, intelligence, social status, wealth, etc.) be an asshole: he doesn't have to be one.
The Animal Kingdom; How Males Attract Mates
Humans are social animals, and therefore we'll look at how male animals in social groups attract mates. Quite often social animals, such as lions, deer, etc., travel in herds. In these herds there is a dominant male who usually gets to mate with all the females in the herd while the other males have to sit by and take the dominant male's left-overs. Actually its a little more complicated than this but in a herd environment this tends to happen. Also what tends to happen is that one male tends to put all his energy in warding off rivals, while some males will sneak in and take a female, mate with her and leave. This leads to the dominant male taking care of someone else offspring who he thinks is his. However this is only in herd animals, other social animals like bonobos (chimpanzee relative) males and females tend to sleep around with each other a lot more. Little attention is paid towards being dominant or being the strongest. Other animals like female birds will find a mate to take care of them and will find a higher quality male to impregnate them. In human society, male dominance is highly over-rated although it is one strategy of attracting women. In the animal kingdom there is a ratio between the size of sexual organs vs the aggressiveness of a male. Males who mate the most have to have large sex organs to compensate for this while males who mate less have smaller sex organs. The males who mate less usually have to compete with other males during a limited mating season. What does this mean to you. It doesn't mean that if your aggressive you have a small unit, it means that you probably have to be aggressive to get a mate, while a non-aggressive male doesn't have to be (since he gets a lot of attention because of his higher status). Aggressive males have to get females by scaring away the competitors thereby reducing the choice of males for the female.
From a biologist point of view, women want someone who will improve their genes and give the best possible offspring. They also tend to put more energy into a few high qualty offspring as opposed to the male mating strategy of trying to sleep with as many women as possible. Women are attracted to many types of men who have different traits that women find attractive, but they are generally looking for someone who is from a higher social ranking. In today's society it's not important to be dominant or an asshole you just have to increase your social status. This can mean many things. A so called "nice guy" can attract many females by being intelligent, wealthy, witty, talented or any other desirable trait. You can see examples of this in society. Many males in bands have attractive females because being in a band increases their social status. A nerdy male can be a doctor and have women approve them. A male that puts time and effort into a skill or hobby hints that he will spend a lot of time on offspring (women like that). Guys with lots of friends show their social status. Remember women don't think about this, its all programmed into their genes.
Why Women Want the Dominant Male?
Why do women want the dominant male? It would make more sense for them all not to try and compete for the same few guys, but once again women aren't making sense now are they? First off, it's one of the factors left over from evolution. Women want men who can 'help them survive' by being strong, witty, socially adept, etc. More importantly, nowadays a lot of social pressure is on everyone. Humans are also very social, which means if a female wants to have the highest chance for success they have to get along. If you have noticed, dominant males are liked much. Sexually desirable males are naturally hated by other men. If you want to check this out just point out your crotch to another male, seriously, they will get pissed. This is why bad guys in films stand with their legs spread in a "V" and place their hands on their hips and point their fingers towards their crotch. It naturally pisses off males. This all means that a male who isn't as attractive will get along better with the society of males and increase their chances of being attractive to females. So being the dominant male isn't always as attractive to females.
Some Women Want A Challenge
Unlike most men who prefer easy women, women want a challenge. They want a man who they perceive as in some ways better than themselves, and they want to try and win him over. Convincing women to think that you're better (unless you are) than them is the difficult part, letting them win you over is easy enough.
Presenting Yourself To Women
The less women know about your life, the more curious and attracted they'll be to you. When a girl asks what you did all day tell her, plainly, that you were busy and never really give her a straight answer. If she asks, "Busy doing what?" still remain vague and say something like "Meeting up with friends" or even just "Doing stuff". Remember to say this jokingly. Make it obvious that you're playing a game with her.
This goes for your sex life, too. Never be completely honest with a girl about your sex life, unless, of course, you're married. Otherwise lie... a lot. If somehow the topic comes up about how many people you've made out with/had sex with/dated, never give her a direct answer. If she asks, "How many girls have you been with?" just say "Oh, about a million" in a somewhat joking manner. If she asks you this after you've hooked up/had sex say "After tonight, it's a million and one" so even though she has already "conquered" you, you still remain intriguing. Even if she persists to ask you, keep quiet. It doesn't matter if it's your first time or if it really is your millionth, once again, girls will build you up in their mind. The less they know, the more their imagination will build a positive picture of you. The most important thing that no one ever thinks about is body language. Your body language is the most important thing in telling your status to females. Walk down a busy street and stand with your shoulders stretched out and look any male in the eye and they will instinctively get out of your way. That is how powerful body language is. Next time you sit next to a girl; sit with your legs spread open, point your hand suggestively towards your crotch (try not to be too obvious) and fidget a lot. Its hard to remember to do but it will increase your chances with women by taking advantage of their instinctive drive. I recommend going to the library to get a book about body language and you can also practice there.
The Struggle For Power
Relationships (both social and sexual) are a struggle for power. This is not entirely true. The one who loves the most is the one with the least power in a relationship. There are women who want power and there are women who expect the man to have the power.
However, in a relationship's earliest stages, to accomplish self-worth, you should always be trying to gain as much value as you can, thus making you the dominant male. Here's how you pull it off in real life.
- Develop a system of devaluation through comedy. This must be done carefully. For instance, say a bone-skinny attractive girl sits on your lap. Joking groan and say "damn, how much do you weigh?" She may get playfully angry, but what you've just done is taken a small part of her value away and added it to your own. This is a perfect example of why assholes get women.
- When woman pay you compliments take them and return little. A classic example would be when a girl says to you "I like hanging out with you." instead of replying the usual "Well I like hanging out with you too." reinforce yourself with "I really like hanging out with me too." Seems like a joke, and you may seem full of yourself, but you're demonstrating your value.
The number one thing women always say they're looking for in a man is a sense of humor. Use it to your advantage.
Most Important Rules of Being a Player
- Do NOT go out on dates. By asking her on a date, you are supplicating her. Instead, keep it ambiguous. Hang out instead of dating and 'see' what happens.
- Do NOT buy her anything. This includes movie tickets, dinners, anything. In fact, attempt to make her pay for you as much as possible. You may seem cheap, but guess what? You should be! Imagine if you had to buy things for all the girls that you want to have. You'd be poor. If she complains, jokingly tell her "If I had to buy things for all my girls I'd be broke." Buying her things puts her above you, you lose value and you lose power.
- Do NOT get into a real relationship. It's very difficult to sleep with other women after you've had the "what are we" talk. Some strategies for avoiding this situation are to tell the girl up front (usually after the first time you've slept with them) something like "Listen, me and relationships don't really get along. I've just got out of a really bad one and I need to be free for a while. We can still see each other but I'm not ready to promise anything relationship-wise." This will avoid the 'what are we' phrase for a good long time. If it does come up, tell them we're just dating and that you can't handle relationships. Make up some bullshit, be crafty.
Good Game Theory; A Field Guide.
Good Game Theory refers to the 'game' that you play with women when trying to seduce them. This can also be called flirting if you will. This section will deal with how to have Good Game Theory while in the field.
Openers. How to start talking to women.
One of the hardest parts is breaking the ice with a girl that you don't know. This is the first and most essential step to good game theory. There are several variations of openers, and all of them will generally fit into or be a combination of these categories:
- Canned Pickup Line
- Statement Based
The Canned Pickup Line
If you play them off right then these are golden. Its all about being confindent even though you said something stupid. Besides, women know its just an opener. I would avoid being explicite in most situations.
- I have the F, and the C, and the K, now all I need is you.
- Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
- Your place or mine?
- Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
You get the idea.
These are nothing fancy, usually used by clueless beginners. A lot of times they work fine if accompanied by good stories and small talk. Simply put, any first statement that you make towards the girls fits in this category. Some commons ones would include:
- Hi / Hello / Hey.
- Hi, my name is _______.
- I like your shoes/skirt/hair.
- So, you're a girl, huh?
Any statement really. If used be sure to follow up with conversation or you risk sounding creepy.
Looking at your surroundings or situation and commenting to her about them. It can be hard to come up with good ones 'on-the-fly', but these kind of openers often seem to work the best. The more you practice these the better you'll get at thinking on your feet.
- At a Bar "Hey, what's with that guy over there? He's way too old to be at this bar."
- At a store "Wow, you like the same ______ that I do."
- At a concert "This band is so awesome, what's their name again?"
Anything that has to do with what the two of you have situationally in common.
These include asking the opinion about something of a girl you don't know. Often this can be combined with a situational approach, or you can use props. This method works fairly well as it gives you an excuse to talk to random people.
- "Excuse me, what do you think of my friend here's sunglasses? I think they look dumb, but he thinks they're awesome..."
- "What do you think of this shirt, should I buy it? I'm not very good at the whole fashion thing."
Now armed with some opener varieties, you will need to develop them for the various places that you will be meeting women. This is a tough area, as many guys have an extremely hard time meeting women, mainly attributed to these guys staying inside playing computer/console games all day instead of being outside the house mingling with everyday people. Even if you're trying to meet people it can be difficult. In a public place what do you do? What do you say? It's a rough world, as people, especially girls, are very skeptical of strange guys talking to them.
To get started, think of what things a girl whom you would like to meet does on a day-to-day basis. Where she goes, where she shops, where she works, where she parties. These are the places to start looking for girls! Everyday life. Still this is all very generic and unhelpful, so lets take a look more specifically at some different places to get you started.
Hitting up the local super market can be a rough crowd. Depending on what age group and demographic you're looking for, finding a supermarket by a college campus or something can improve your odds. Also keep in mind that this is not a place for beginners. Everyone else in the aisle can hear what you're saying to these girls whom you're trying to meet. If you get cut down it will likely be embarassing. Also girls go food shopping in groups with roommates and such. Approaching a group is a difficult sell. One skeptical girl is enough, let alone 3 to 4.
One of the positive things about the supermarket is that there is an endless barrage of products that you can use as props. An example of prop usage would be to pick up a box of cap'n crunch and wander about the store with a wingman, arguing loudly whether cap'n crunch is a captain or an admiral. Some points to raise would be, "But he's got an admiral hat, clearly he's an admiral", "But no, he is captain crunch, so he's a captain". You get the idea. Generally you talk loud enough until you spot a girl that you would like to approach who is eavesdropping on your conversation. One you notice her, walk up and ask her opinion, "What do you think, who's right?". Nice prop conversation starter. Other examples; "Mrs. Butterworth would sooo whoop Aunt Jemima's ass in a fight"... etc. Simply find some props, make up stupid yet funny stories and arguments about them and start looking for girls to take the bait.
A lot of fledgling pickup artists think that the library would be a good place to go. Easy pickings finding smart girls who are relatively inexperienced when it comes to dating. In reality this is a horrible place to go and meet women. It is sooo quiet: everyone can hear every word that you say. Also women come here to do work and often don't want to be disturbed. Only hit up the library for women if you're already there for other purposes.
A Bad place for noobies to be. It dumps you head first into the game that is sexual attraction. Women who are at bars expect to be hit on, and are usually hit on by tons of guys. They turn on their bitch shields to deter the inexperienced, and shit test those with weak game. If however, you are a great dancer then these places might be for you, since body language in itself can yield huge powers of seduction. This will be covered in greater detail in a later section.
An excellent place to meet women, as some of the time they will be shopping alone. You can easily ask women in the same vicinity for their opinion on different clothes, or even to help you pick out something. If you strike up some good conversation and really bond during the meeting, it gives you a good excuse to ask her for her number to see her again another time.
Great places to meet women too; lots of books to ask about. You can easily formulate openers by what section they're shopping in, and lots of women like to shop for books alone. Usually you'll find the smarter girls in places like this, so have at it. Usaully girls will think your smart if they see you in one.
The Building Where You Live
Remember not to piss in your own pool. If you fail with women in your building, they know where you live. Having them so close to home may also make it difficult to bring in other girls quietly.
On the Street
Not on the street corner, I'm not talking about hookers. Just girls you bump into while you're out and about. These girls are perfect to strike up conversation with as long as they're not in a hurry to go somewhere.
Parties are probably the number one place to meet women. At parties, you aren't looking for girlfriends, just girls to hook up and use for the night. To hook up with a girl all you need to do is get kind of shitty (drunk), find a girl who has had a few beers and start a conversation with her. It doesn't have to be a conversation about quantum physics or anything, just basic stuff like where she's from or what she wants to do with her life. Just keep the conversation going since awkward silences can ruin your chances. Just be funny, confident, and a little cocky. Keep somewhat close to her, not close enough to where all she can smell is your beer breath, but close enough to where you can hear her and also get more intimate. Make some physical contact with her to seal the deal. Slide your hand down the back of her arm, or if you move around the party with her, make sure keep your hand at the small of her back as you walk around. Then all you have to do is invite her back to your place for some food or a movie. Be careful, as this can go bad sometimes, especially on some college campuses. Hooking up with someone who's (unbeknownst to you) underage, or plastered and later "changes their mind" can be considered a form of rape in some states and countries. Sometimes parties are bad, because the boyfriend could be around and you might not know it. At bars, wheither they have a boyfriend there or not is clearer.
The internet is a good place to pickup women, although it takes a little skill as to where to find the women. Once upon a time, a person could go to Yahoo's Members Directory and find women, but the system has become so overrun with spam, it's virtually useless. It is doubtful they have any intention of fixing this, because it helps them promote Yahoo Personals (a paid service). Sites like Adult Friend Finders are good places to pick up women, who are looking for sex. Just remember to use your skills of confidence and don't lie, because it will catch up with you when you meet the woman. A woman is not going to sleep with you, if you tell her your 6'6 and built and she shows up and your 4'8 and have a beer gut. Remember, such services are paid, but may be worth the cost. Other sites have been popping up recently that are alternatives to these bigger sites and many are free. The Hump House www.thehumphouse.com is one such site offering many ways to contact it's members as well as blogs, photo rating and forums. Hunt down these site, your hunt may find fruit to be picked. Myspace.com is arguably one of the hottest new places on the web, particularly because it's free and there is plenty of space to post up pictures and meet new women. Girls often take their myspaces quite seriously, and it's easy to leave compliments whenever. Make sure to follow whatever you do up with some emails or instant messaging, as myspace alone is usually insufficient for conversational purposes. Another place you can try is Friendster where the women tend to be older.
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