Party of the year ‘26, which won the election, organises their press conference.
Philadelphius: Good evening Sirs journalists assembled here and, as we say, while sharpening your feathers; by the way, hot results awaits us - election, as you know. 93 percent of all electorate in all Lithuania, in all boroughs, including even Ignalina and counties of Šalčininkai and Vilnius, to the municipalities was elected party of the year 1926, so it’s not a surprise, that in this conference sits leader of this party - Bronius and responsible secretary of the party Česlovas, so send your written questions; while all this procedure looks like happening, we are giving the first question to Bronius, the party leader itself, so he could shortly explain what kind of the party it is, and why in a such short period of time it could able to gain such a big trust of the electorate.
Bronius: Good evening! Good day! Good morning! As they say ‘incomprehensible’. Meanwhile these elections the mechanism of time like a nature’s clockwork is malfunctioned at ours and I don’t understand anymore is it evening or morning. Thank you everyone also for felicities for the victory.
What is this party of the year ‘26? It’s the party which endeavours morals, which, as they say, are written in bible, to bring to the everyday life in Lithuania. By any means party of the year 26 guides itself by tenth commandment of the God “Lithuania is for Lithuanians”.
Bronius chokes and swears.
Bronius: So, Lithuania is for Lithuanians.
So it were, our party passed bloody, as they say, paths, passed copper tubas, and, so, fire.
Colleague, Philadelphius, did I express myself right? Journalists should know.
Philadelphius: Right, right. I think in your government there will be sufficiently work for me.
Bronius: Oh, the work! I love journalists such young as you, Philadelphius.
I’m delighted, that so many have assembled in this hall. I’m happy and see the questions are under the write. I think we’ll be in time with colleague Česlovas answer to all questions today.
Česlovas: At first, HH!
Bronius: HH, HH, Česlovas.
Česlovas: For everyone, as they say.
Bronius: As they say.
Česlovas: The task for our party, it’s obvious - labour for the labour, for freelancers we will show what is the Iron Curtain. We will remind, !
Bronius: We will show, I apologise for interruption, what’s happening when the hedgehog appears in the trousers.
Česlovas: For colonists we as always will help to repatriate home. It’s like our determination, which repeats with other party, which stood for election, but got very little of votes. What can you do…
Bronius: Abuse that party.
Česlovas: Abuse them!
Česlovas: As they say, supplemental tasks of our party: End once with this libertarian politics, with all of these democrats. We will terminate all prostitution.
Bronius: With fags we will end once and for sure. I hate fags, these pink mannequins.
Česlovas: More of my principles: If you catch the thieve - hang in place. Hang in place. And if you don’t hang it then amputate the hand.
Bronius: Amputate balls.
Česlovas: For others; It’s for prostitutes and everyone.
Bronius: Women do not have balls.
Česlovas: Does not matter. Chop for everyone.
Bronius: Beyond the genitals.
Česlovas: Another one principle: Man, who kills throw him with stones and kill on the place.
Bronius: With stones of course. These which overindulge over service, these should be legs up hanged over Stelmužė oak, let the all Lithuania admire these corrupted servicemen.
Česlovas: And if in any case crime happens, in any scenario the heads will be chopped and in Gediminas square the pole will be erected for everyone to go to see and fear.
Bronius: Those who will make crimes against the nation of Lithuania then especially in the Correction Colony of Pravėniškės will be made Gediminas’ spiked columns, which will be inserted to the annus for these criminals and they have to carry it five years. How he will excrement - I don’t know.
Well, maybe it’s the time to answer the questions.
Česlovas: Well, that’s the first question. Of course, I select most sweetest for the heart. The Newspaper Nationalfasist Lithuania. So! “We congratulate you elected to the municipalities, parliament”.
After hundred pipes! If we were not been elected, year of ‘26 we can repeat every day.
Bronius: In practice, now I can create ‘26th if you need it.
Česlovas: Of course. Well done!
Bronius: Česlovas, wait, it’s Philadelphius guides the conference. As they say, in European way.
Česlovas: Well, yes. Wait, I will answer, Philadelphius, and then intervene in the conversation.
They write like this: “What you will do with the press?”. What we will do about this? We will introduce censorship!
Bronius: Of censorship, well, as they say, is said too loud, maybe don’t be scared you from the East and diverse audiences. But in practice you have to generally reconsider before you write. And the situation of Dekanidze kind then reconsider well. I repeat. Well.
Philadelphius: That’s another one question. The Panelė magazine asks Bronius. How simpler “Will you allow for the ladies to have sex?”.
Bronius: Well, it’s kind of question. Well, straight out of vagina, said openly. Well, how you forbid for human to have sex... But to have sex will be only allowed, if we implement our principles, to have sex will be allowed only after thirty three.
Česlovas: Right.
Bronius: And when man will await so much as sorrowful Jesus suffered in front of him while hanging on the plus and only after then you can erect your penises and put them where they are required.
Česlovas: Second thing I wish to say: There will be family policy introduced. This means: One cadet of Lithuania will come, because every men will be the soldiers, and have to fruit four or five women. Because Lithuania is small, population growth is small.
Bronius: All the crops are ruined.
Česlovas: Yes, and because Lithuania are, as they say, on all crossroads, we need to defend from everything who can attack us, we need to create a strong army, possibly there will be deficit of soldiers...
Bronius: There is necessity to make a strong army. Because Lithuania is like in that song ‘nearby the way there’s an inn’. That inn, Ladies and Gentlemen, is our poor, overwhelmed and vandalised Lithuania.
Česlovas: For now there is special battalion partisanian “Perkūnas”. It’s the soldiers, which served in Afghanistan, saw a lot, and, as they say, loyal to Lithuania, and if there will necessity, nobody will be jumping, you can be calm.
Bronius: It there more questions?
Česlovas: Then, I think, we need to end this discussion. Journalists do not disperse. You will get the instruction each.
Bronius: And GFY!