Learn to Kiss

Ah the fine art of the kiss. Next to holding hands, kissing is probably the sweetest and purest form of physical contact there is. Children kiss and their parents melt as they watch their little ones with their first crush and older people kiss as a means to getting to other things. For good or for bad kissing is the gateway drug of the sexual world. In a lot of ways it is also your first audition. If you are a terrible kisser then you should probably learn to love yourself because thats the only loving that you'll be getting for awhile. Have no fear though, this is why this article exists and before you know it you'll be making out with the best of them.

Make the Move

This is what you want to do

This is what you want to do

Wouldn't it be great if this section could be filled with the exact formula on when to initiate a kiss, how to tell if things are right, where to do it, at what point in a date/relationship/friendship to lean over and kiss them? Unfortunately, there is little logic and even less math when it comes to relationships, especially when the heart (or alcohol) is involved. What does this mean for you? You need to read the situation. Every cirumstance is different and if someone were to write down exactly when or how to make the first kiss, then the first time you would try it things wouldn't apply and you'd end up making a fool out of yourself, which you came here to avoid in the first place.

There are some general guidelines that you can look out which may help you make the move.


The first is simple; how close do they stay to you? If you are on a date and your partner gets really close to you in every opportunity they get, then chances are good that if you try to initiate a kiss, they will go for it. If you two are sitting on the couch and there is no light between your bodies, leaning over to give a kiss might not be such a bad idea. But remember: context is key. If this person has been a life long friend of yours or has a naturally touchy feely personality, this may not apply at all.

Test the Waters

Send up a test balloon. Mind you, this is definitely not the smoothest way to do this at all, but at least it'll save you a little embarrassment. If you are in a situation conducive to it, such as sitting on the couch or hugging, lean over to give a kiss or get your face close to theirs. Hold your position and see what happens. If they look as if they want to kiss you, if they start to lean into you as if they were getting ready to kiss you back, if their breathing or heart rate increases as if they were nervous, it is probably safe to go ahead. If, instead, they turn away, pull you in for a hug or do something else then play it off; whisper something stupid into their ear. Yes it will be embarrassing and yes it would probably just be easier to go balls to the wall and attempt the kiss anyway, but for those of you who need a mental crutch this might work.

End of the Night

Why a lesbian kiss, you ask? Why not a lesbian kiss.

Why a lesbian kiss, you ask? Why not a lesbian kiss.

Pay attention to how things go at the end of a date. At the point where you two seperate for the night, read the situation. If they hang around, delay leaving, look like they are expecting something from you or hoping for something, it is a good indication that they might be receptive to you making a move. If, on the other hand, they turn around and start to walk away real quick or leave, then it is probably best just to let them go.

The Kiss Itself

There are a number of things you need to consider when actually kissing someone; from what you do with your eyes, to the tempo of your lips, there is a lot to keep in mind. The best thing is to remember to just relax and go with the flow. Oh, you will still need to learn what to do with every part of your head and hands, but just being relaxed and calm is 75% of the battle won (unless you are a really terrible kisser; then you could be a Zen master and you would still suck!)

Eye Contact

Opening your eyes and seeing another person staring back at you while you are kissing him or her can be kinda freaky! This doesn't necessarily mean you have to shut your eyes; just know that this is a pretty traditional way to do things. It's okay to glance at your kissing partner every now and then but try to keep those lids shut.


A big key to being a good kisser is to get on the same wavelength as your partner. There are many different types of kisses and how you act is different for each one. There is a deep sensual kiss where everything is very slow, your lips come together slowly, you spend a lot of time on each kiss, everything is very deep and intimate. Then, there is the frantic make out where you feel like you are going to rip each others clothes off. This is a very fast paced kiss, mouths opening and shutting quickly, not much tongue exploration, heads switching positions a lot. And, of course, there is normal kissing which is somewhere in between. These are just three versions of the thousands of different types of kisses that there are and the key for you is to make sure you and your partner are doing the same one. If you are trying to do a frantic make out kiss while they are trying to be sensual, then it will probably end up a mess.

The kiss leader

Oops, wrong kind of KISS

Oops, wrong kind of KISS

In most kisses there is a leader and a follower. Sometimes the positions switch, but if both partners have a basic idea of what they are doing, these roles will quickly form. Often times the line is drawn down sex lines with the male being the leader and the female following, but this certainly doesn't have to be the case. It is important to identify if your partner is following your lead or if they are going it their own. A good way to tell is by trying to alter the pace a little; if they speed up or slow down to match you, you are the leader: feel free to set the mood that you want; if, instead, they ignore your changes, it's probably best just to let them set the mood and the pace.


People don't tend to like big, wet, slobbery kisses, especially when you are making out. To keep this from happening, don't open your mouth too wide. If you keep your lips slightly parted, you will avoid having your lips slide all over each other. Your lips should be moist but not drenched. Be sure to keep your tongue in your mouth and off of their face! French kissing is not bad at all, but people don't want to have their lips licked. It is just not attractive and can be a real turn off.


This is one of the most important elements to a good kiss. The pace and tempo of a kiss set the mood and emotion for it. Start the pace out slowly and build it up, especially if it is your first kiss with that person. As your kiss becomes more intimate, you may find yourself increasing the tempo or it may just increase on its own. Regardless, make sure this change is smooth and gradual. Don't just go from a soft, slow kiss into a wild and manic one. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with the manic kiss, but only if you work into it. At the same time, you probably want to avoid kissing too fast; try to keep it away from the two extremes; real fast or real slow. Variety is good; adjusting between fast and slow will keep things interesting and probably impress your lover.

If you are looking to get something more out of the kiss, then increasing the speed is a good idea. However - and this is very important - make sure to increase the tempo slowly and smoothly. If you start kissing really fast and try to undress them to begin with, the night won't be ending well. On the other hand, if you work up to it over 5 or 10 minutes, things will be very different indeed.

The Tongue

Bored with kissing yet?

Bored with kissing yet?

The tongue is like nuclear energy: it has the potential for great power, while at the same time the ability to blow up and destroy everything. Proper use of your tongue can make a kiss perfect. Improper use of the tongue can ruin everything and make you come across as a terrible kisser.

Its in farther than you think

Kissing someone can be very deceptive when it comes to determing mouth boundaries. It is very hard to determine where your mouth ends and where theirs begins. This is why a lot of novice kissers end up shoving their tongue down their partners throat; they want to give a french kiss and figure that their tongue isn't in the other persons mouth. As a general rule: you do not need to try and move your tongue into their mouth! It will go there on its own. If you feel yourself intentionally trying to move it in then odds are you are putting your tongue too far in and should back off. Do not shove your tongue down their throat, do not attempt to lick the roof of their mouth or do anything weird with it. Almost everything is done when its subtle.

Be Smooth

Remember to be smooth, be graceful when using your tongue. Don't dart in and out of the persons mouth, don't try and wrestle their tongue, don't make abrupt movements. Just be gentle and fluid in all your movements.

Tongue Games

Who says you can't have a little fun while using your tongue? One thing to do if you're in a rather playful mood and you find your partner's tongue in your mouth, is to give his/her tongue a little "suck". That's all there is to it: just try to suck on your partner's tongue as if it were a straw. It might sound disgusting, but it really isn't more than French kissing in general. When you suck on your partner's tongue, your partner will have the sensation of his/her tongue being drawn into your mouth. Obviously, sucking on someone's tongue is an indication that you want to go farther than just kissing...

Kiss Your Arm

That's about all there is to know about kissing someone. Try giving your arm a kiss, to apply what you've learned. Come on; you know you will anyway!... Well, it won't really help you, but it'll look funny and make you feel silly!

Content by WikiAfterDark. Content is available under GNU Free Documentation License 1.2.


Author: WikiAfterDark