Chapter 10:
A furious yowl ripped from Badgerstripe's throat and he flung himself at the dog, tearing at its flank. "You killed Aspenglow!" He hissed dodging a blow by slipping under its belly and clawing at it.
The dog bellowed in pain and fury and snarled, clamping its jaws tight around Badgerstripe's tail. He howled in agony, trying to get free, but it was no use. The dog tossed Badgerstripe around as though he were nothing more than a moss ball, and he finally escaped the dog's jaws he could hardly move.
But, remembering that the dog had killed his Clanmate, he scrambled to his paws, leaping out of the way just in time as the dog tried to swipe at him. He hooked his paw under the dog's back leg, trying to make it lose its balance, but to no avail. It spun around, jaws snapping, and Badgerstripe rolled swiftly to one side before hopping back up to land on its back.
Out of reach from its sharp teeth and claws, he lashed out, with it his own, swiping at it with such ferocity that he almost scared even himself.
The dog thrashed, throwing him off, and he landed on his side in the grass with a thud, the air knocked out of his lungs. He fought for breath, springing back up just in time to dodge a blow delivered by a large black forepaw.
He leaped, clawing at its brown muzzle before leaping back to avoid its counterattack. He scored his claws along its side, watching blood spill out. But before he could move out if the way, it whirled around, clamping its teeth around him.
He yowled in pain, hoping that if he yowled loud enough, some cat, any cat, would hear him. Thrashing and flailing, he managed to break free with a triumphant yowl, landing back on the grass and spinning around, but not in time to move out of the way when the dog lashed out, clawing at him and lunging to bite him.
He leapt back, its sharp fangs grazing his skin, and he knew that if his movements had been a heartbeat later, that would have been it for him.
He knew it had been foolish to take on the dog at all. He should have ran the moment that he heard it, then he might have had a chance. But now, as it pinned him to the ground with a heavy forepaw, he knew any attempt at fighting back was futile. Aspenglow had died at his claws. And now Badgerstripe would too.
Moments ago he had been planning his life with Stoneskip, talking about how they'd share prey together—share a life together. And now it would never happen.
No! Badgerstripe hissed internally, I'm not going down without a fight!
When he began scrabbling furiously at the dog's underbelly, it released its grip on him enough for him to roll over and spring back up, tearing his claws along its side once again.
Then, he knew he had given it enough scars to remember, and that if he wanted a life with the cats he loved, he had to run. Now.
Turning to the tree up ahead, he charged at it, running faster than ever before. He bunched his muscles and leapt, throwing himself at a branch and beginning to haul himself up onto it.
I'll climb trees like this all the time when I'm in CaveClan, he thought desperately.
Just as he was about to get to safety, the dog jumped, fastening its jaws around his throat and biting down. And then, everything went dark.
***
When Badgerstripe forced his eyes open again, he was lying in an unfamiliar field. But there was something familiar there, a scent he knew all too well.
He jumped up, eyes wide, and Aspenglow was standing before him. "Dad!" He shrieked, charging at his father and pressing his face into his shoulder, as though he were still a kit. "I'm so, so sorry..." He whispered. "I didn't mean what I said, I didn't mean I never wanted to see you again! I didn't want—"
Aspenglow purred. "It's alright, I know. I'm sorry this is how things had to happen."
Badgerstripe pulled back, and suddenly realised something: If he was talking to his father, who had already joined StarClan...
"Am I—am I dead?" He asked with a gasp.
Aspenglow shook his head. "No, you're still alive, but only just. Your body needs time to recover."
"How long will I be here for?" He questioned nervously.
Aspenglow blinked. "I cannot know the answer to that. You will return home when it is time, but for now, come with me."
Aspenglow began to pad forward through the thick grass, and Badgerstripe followed him to a thick cherry blossom tree, where a golden she-cat lay underneath it, two kits tussling next to her.
"Honeyshine!" He purred, racing towards her, "Sparkkit, Shimmerkit!"
Aspenglow seemed confused. "You've met them already? How?"
Badgerstripe began to explain. "When I rushed off to ask StarClan the truth about my identity, I got a chance to meet them. And I saw what happened: How you found me as a kit, what went down in MeadowClan, and how you faced your fears by speaking up in front of the Clan when you asked for Honeyshine to be buried."
Aspenglow nodded, taking in the information. "I had no idea that I had two beautiful daughters waiting for me as well as the love of my life." He purred, leaning against Honeyshine and twining his tail with her's.
Badgerstripe sighed. "I'm sorry you've had to join StarClan so soon, though. If I had been there to help you fight the dog, you—"
Aspenglow dipped his head. "It was my time." He murmured simply, "But when it is your's someday, we will wait here for you. You can spend some time...with your sisters."
Badgerstripe purred. "I'd love that."
Aspenglow continued. "But that won't be for a long time. You will continue to serve your Clan for many moons to come. My only regret is that I cannot be there to watch your destiny unfold."
Badgerstripe tilted his head to the side. "Which Clan will I serve?" He asked tentatively. Would StarClan tell him which Clan he truly belonged in?
Honeyshine spoke up. "Look inside your heart, Badgerstripe. That is where you'll find the answer you seek."
Badgerstripe sighed. "I love Stoneskip so much. But the reason I want to leave PondClan is because I think they'll be better without me."
Aspenglow twitched his whiskers. "And why do you say that?"
"B-because I let you die!" Badgerstripe spluttered.
Aspenglow shook his head. "I already told you, my time was coming anyway. Nothing you could have done would have changed that."
"But I'm a kittypet! I'm not a true warrior of PondClan!" Badgerstripe protested.
Honeyshine spoke calmly. "You fought like one back there with that dog. You almost gave your life to avenge your Clanmate, and you were willing to do so. Tell me, would a kittypet do that?"
Badgerstripe stayed silent. She was right. He finally found the words to continue. "But it still doesn't mean all my Clanmates will think that, and respect me."
Aspemglow raised his eyebrows, his amber and blue gaze flashing with surprise. "You think your Clanmates don't respect you?"
Before Badgerstripe could continue, Honeyshine did. "It's time for you to go back. Badgerstripe, your Clanmates do respect you, they care for you so much. Even if you don't believe us, see for yourself what happens when you go back."
Sparkkit and Shimmerkit stood on their hind paws so that their noses could reach his head. "May StarClan light your path, brother."
***
The first thing Badgerstripe felt was pain. Everything hurt, his head, his paws, his legs, his whole body. He tentatively opened his eyes and let out a gasp.
He was in the medicine den, and was far from alone. Doewish and her apprentice Featherberry were crouched next to him, tending to his wounds, but the den was more crowded than he had ever seen it.
Echodawn and Eagleshine were at the front of the group, whispering together, while Torntail leaned against Dawnclaw. Clouddapple was behind them, talking to Lilylight, and just beyond them was Berrybush with Frostshimmer.
"He's awake!" Eagleshine suddenly squeaked with delight, and every cat turned to look at him.
Delighted mews broke out from all of the onlooking cats, and they rushed forward to speak with him.
"What happened?"
"Are you alright?"
"Where were you?"
His head spun as he tried to answer their questions, but Doewish cleared her throat. "Everybody, please give Badgerstripe some space. Go on, go, he needs to rest!"
The cats reluctantly stepped out of the den, and Featherberry began to speak. "I was out looking for herbs when I saw you lying in a pool of blood on the ground! I brought you back, and you've been unconscious for days."
Days? But he had only been in StarClan for a few moments!
"I..." His voice was hoarse from not using it for so long, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "I was out for a walk when a dog launched itself at me, the one who killed Aspenglow. I tried to fight it but then—"
He cut himself off, wincing at the pain in his neck. He looked down to see a massive scar from his throat down to his chest fur, and knew that he would carry that scar all his life.
"Get some rest," Doewish ordered, her tone gentle but commanding. "We'll be here for you when you wake up."
***
Over the next few days, the rest of the Clan were in and out of the medicine den every heartbeat to visit Badgerstripe, and he had never felt so loved. They'd come just for chats or to fill him in on what he was missing.
Torntail had retired to the elder's den, but still came to visit him every morning. Eagleshine and Snowflicker's kits, Cinderkit and Pebblekit, were almost apprentices, and were so excited about it.
Dawnclaw came every day to visit Badgerstripe while he recovered, and was pressed against him now, while Doewish and Featherberry had gone to gather herbs.
"I'm so glad you're getting better," She purred, "We were all so worried when we heard what happened. We'd hate to lose another warrior so soon after losing Aspenglow, let alone a cat as amazing as you."
Badgerstripe purred. "That means a lot, and I'm honoured that you all care so much for me. Even if...I probably don't deserve it."
Dawnclaw's gaze snapped up, and her mouth was wide open with shock. "What? Why would you ever say something like that?"
Badgerstripe's words came tumbling out before he could stop them. "Because I was thinking about leaving the Clan!"
Dawnclaw's eyes grew even wider. "What? Why?"
Badgerstripe sighed. He couldn't tell her the real reason why, but he had to say something. "Because of my kittypet roots. I thought that...maybe the Clan wouldn't want me here."
Dawnclaw's voice softened, and she looked at him warmly. "Oh, Badgerstripe, no cat has ever thought that! Your loyalty and worth to the Clan are proved not by your heritage, but by your daily actions. And your daily actions show that you love your Clan more than anything."
And he believed her. He did love his Clan more than anything, more than even Stoneskip. Slowly standing up, he knew what he needed to do.
"Do you know where Eagleshine and Echodawn are?" He asked.
Dawnclaw blinked. "Last time I saw them, they were sharing a vole in the clearing. Do you want me to come with you?"
"No thanks," He replied, ruffling his fur, "I'll be able to walk that far by myself. I'll see you tomorrow!"
He stepped out of the den, scanning the camp for his two friends, and when he spotted them beneath a tree, he padded over to them, settling down next to them.
"I've made a decision," He started, "About what I'm going to do about my relationship with Stoneskip."
Echodawn's warm gaze grew colder, and Eagleshine's expression shifted slightly.
"I care for him, but the needs of my Clan have to come first. I've realised over the past couple of days that I need to be here. Whether I was born here or not, my heart lies with PondClan: With those I have known since before I knew how to catch a mouse, and most importantly with both of you, my best friends. I'm sorry I ever doubted that." Badgerstripe murmured.
Echodawn leaned against him, purring. "We love you, Badgerstripe," She whispered. "I'm so glad you're staying here."
She pulled back, hanging her head. "My actions lately haven't been right. I'm sorry for acting the way I have. I just..." Her eyes began to fill with tears, and she glanced away. "Look, it's just that no matter what I do, I can never make my parents proud of me. I'm never good enough for them. Sometimes, it feels like you and Eagleshine are all I have. So the thought of ever losing you, Badgerstripe...oh StarClan, it'd tear me apart! I just...I love you! I love you so much, and I..."
Badgerstripe gasped with realisation. He understood now. He understood what Echodawn had meant moons ago, when she had snapped at him for saying she had never loved another cat. She had asked him how he knew that she hadn't cared for another cat so much, only for them to fall in love with another cat they never should have gotten close to. He had been so overwhelmed that he hadn't realised...
She had been talking about him.
All this time, Echodawn had loved him. It made so much sense: Why she had always been annoyed that Badgerstripe had been so close to Stoneskip at the Gatherings. And when she had been far more hurt and betrayed than Eagleshine had been when Badgerstripe had revealed his secret. Badgerstripe had guessed it was because she cared more about the Warrior Code than Eagleshine did, but it was because she loved him.
"Echodawn..." He whispered softly, "I'm sorry. I never knew how you felt. I love you so much...but I'm sorry that I could never love you in the way that you wanted."
Echodawn glanced at the ground shyly. "I-it’s okay. Loving another cat means wanting them to be happy above everything else. I realise that now. So...are you sure you'll be happy if you stay in PondClan with us?"
Badgerstripe knew the answer without hesitation. "Happier than ever. I'll never think about leaving either of you, or any if the Clan, ever again."
Eagleshine's gaze was warm, and he beamed. "I'm glad to hear it. Welcome home, Badgerstripe.”
Chapter 11
Badgerstripe couldn't tell what was heavier: his heart, or the weight of his paws as he dragged them across the Thunderpath in the dead of night for the final time.
Stoneskip's eyes were bright, so happy, and knowing what Badgerstripe had to say next killed him inside.
"Where have you been for half a moon? I've been worrying myself sick!" Stoneskip cried.
Badgerstripe sighed. "Last time we met, I was on my way back when the dog that killed Aspenglow leapt out of the bushes." He began to tell the whole story, and Stoneskip listened, eyes wide, to the whole thing.
Badgerstripe finally finished, feeling like a thorn was stabbing at his heart. "My Clanmates...they were all so worried about me, they've been so kind to me and I—I know that I could never leave them. So, Stoneskip...this is my last night meeting you here. I cannot be your mate any longer."
Stoneskip's expression was unreadable, and he shut his eyes.
Badgerstripe felt guilt pierce his heart before he shook it away. This was how things had to be. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you. I just know that I—"
Stoneskip nodded. "Don't apologise, I understand. I've known for moons we can't keep doing this, I just haven't wanted to admit it. Every night I sneak out, it kills a part of me, knowing that I'm lying to my Clan like I am. I don't resent you at all for your choice. I never could, and I never will."
Badgerstripe was so grateful that the tom was so understanding. "I'm sorry this is how things have to be. I'll never forget our time together as long as I live."
Stoneskip's eyes shone. "Nor will I. These nights with you have meant everything to me. Will we still...will we still be friends? We'll still talk to each other at Gatherings, right?"
Badgerstripe knew that the reasonable thing would be to say no. Remaining friends with the tom ran the risk of them getting back together again. But he knew that nothing could make him cut Stoneskip out of his life forever.
"Of course we will." He mewed tenderly, and they shared one last loving glance before Badgerstripe sighed. "I should head back. I'll see you in three—" He broke off, remembering that no, he wouldn't see Stoneskip in three days.
"At the next Gathering." Stoneskip cut in.
Badgerstripe nodded. "Alright. I...goodbye, Stoneskip." He wanted to say I love you, but knew that he couldn't. He watched Stoneskip open his mouth to reply before shutting it and nodding slowly instead.
Badgerstripe turned away, facing the Thunderpath, his heart heavy as stone. He watched as a monster roared past, then rushed back over onto his own territory.
Had Stoneskip returned to his camp, or was he watching Badgerstripe leave?
He resisted the urge to look over his shoulder. Don't look back, He told himself Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back. It'll only make it all harder.
He came to a stop, staring up at the stars.
We may be parting ways, but no borders can ever truly divide us, no matter what we might tell ourselves. I'll never stop loving you. A time will come when we can be together once more, but this has to be goodbye for now.