Text:
I will never speak about any of this ever again.
This is not going to be what you guys think it is. Drama or whatever. This is going to be me talking about an important part of my life. A year I spent playing this game. I want to reflect on it. There isn't going to be much flame. It's all in the past.
I want to show my gratitude and explain why all of this happened. All the way from MLG Columbus and how I started my professional career. This is not meant to be taken like I'm immature or whatever. I might be immature or whatever, but there's lots of misconceptions and I'd like to keep it clear and definite.
[silence]
Alright, it is eight o clock. To preface this, this is going to be me talking about everything from the beginning of SADBOYS from early January 2014. A lot of the stuff from there till now. Not everything. So the first thing is how it started. How SADBOYS was going to be formed and how it became what it was.
After MLG Columbus I focused on school, ignoring that I would continue playing Dota competitively. MLG ignited a fire within me to Dota in the future. Before that I wasn't sure if I'd play Dota. I was still a school boy and my mom pressured me to go to school.
A couple of months later, Alex Garfield messaged me in Dec. 2014. EG was changing rosters. He wanted to form a team. He presented me two options. He wanted me on the team for sure as the star player. A Na version and a Euro version.
The NA version would have Fear and Universe, but he's understand if I don't want them. The last two were for us to choose. The Euro team he was in talks with Kky and Puppey. They showed interest in playing with RTZ and I want to say Pie and someone else. They wanted to form under EG but Euro, like Alliance.
I was going to do it. I was really ready to do it, but Pie didn't want to leave his team. He talked to Envy. Someone told Envy, I don't recall who (maybe me?). The proposition was instantly denied when Pie said no. there was not team without Pie.
I went with EG Na. It was me Fear Universe for sure but we needed two other players. It wasn't a difficult task. We all knew from NEL and other leagues who we wanted to play with and try out-
Wait, Jacky is messaging me. He's saying he was there in the same room as Pie when Alex was talking to Pie about the Euro team.
Ok, i wanted to play with Zai. Then we wanted a captain. The only one with potential was PPD. There wasn't a tryout period before the other players. There was some discussion about whether we should take Demon over Universe. We decided Universe fits better. If we had a Fear, Demon RTZ core we'd be too clowny. Universe was the perfect fit to mellow down. There wasn't any chance to get Demon honestly. I would like to play with him but Universe was definitely the pick.
SADBOYS was formed. It wasn't a trial period, but just like seeing if we actually wanted to play with each other. We knew we wanted to play together. After 3 weeks we became EG officially. That was the start of EG NA.
Then we went to Texas, our first LAN as a team and my second LAN. This is where Fear started to have some injuries to his arm. This is where it started to get worrisome. we went to Texas and I believe we practiced well. We prepared ok. To us at the time, of all the NA teams playing, we were sure whoever won would go to TI. We wanted to win really bad. But MSS and Wayto were standins for Liquid, and Cloud 9 had Demon. We all thought whoever won the tournament would get a NA Region TI invite. We tried hard.
What happened was - there wasn't much to discuss about the games. They were shit. That was when ember spirit was first played by C9. They busted it out. Nobody picked it or knew WTF it was. I remember I was being arrogant and stupid about the fact that he was not broken, just beat him in lane. I was being stupid. I totally see why I was regarded as a retard.
He could do too much. He was broken. All his spells did too much damage. Like 700 at lvl 7. So C9 beat us with ember. We talked about the game and how ember is a huge problem, how it complements C9. We then played C9 in the grand finals and they lost control without Ember. Even though it was a 3-2 finish, it was sloppy play. My weaver was completely terrible. It was 0-6 or something. I just kept feeding. I felt odd that tournament. Worried. Nervous. Scared. I played pretty bad.
I choked. That was my first choke that game as weaver.
It was the fifth game, C9 vs EG. At the time, nobody picked Lycan. We talked about this hero and prepared a preset strategy against C9. You shouldn't do this, planning out a strategy, but we did it anyways. We said we'd do Lycan and CM. At the time you couldn't jungle with Lycan without regen wolves. you had to accelerate your farm with CM and frostbite on first creep. Get a high level and then bottle crow. We kind of destroyed them. They made a really important mistake in a push. EE ran into the trees and TP'd away. It was a 4v5 and we wiped them, roshed and the game was over.
That was my second LAN win. Envy was really upset about that. He was on the verge of tears. Losing to me made him sad and angry. He was disappointed in his own play.
After that tournament, Fear said he pushed through the arm pain. He put a lot of strain on it. This was the start of the pain from fear. We dismissed it until we started practicing for StarLadder. We did some online matches and I went to San Francisco with Fear and Universe. We bootcamped and played scrims and in the middle of a scrim Fear couldn't really play. He had pain in his arm. He called it quits for the scrim, but we realized that he was unable to play at StarLadder. We needed a standin.
At the time Mason was our standin if Fear had doctor's appointments. Mason had some exams so we picked up Envy for the tournament. This was cool for me, because I wanted to play with Envy. I wanted to join C9. I didn't want to pressure him though. If they wanted to invite me, they knew they were getting a high school kid. Since they didn't, I knew they didn't want a high school kid. They wanted full dedication. I was a bit upset since I wanted to play with those guys, but I'm over it now.
We go to Starladder and played DK in scrims. This was the legendary fucking wisp abusing DK. We played scrims with them in the player area and dominated them to be honest. I didn't know what was happening. We completely crushed them. We were so motivated. This is an easy tournament guys!
I think we beat Navi on our first match, and then we lost to somebody. In the winner bracket- wait, I need to make sure I'm talking about the right match. We played Alliance. This was the infamous RTZ ember. The hero was considered imbalanced, but there were ways to beat it. I 100% agree that he was broken at the time, but I played really really poorly. My ember was the worst shit I ever saw. I have on excuses for why I played that terrible. Envy fucking carried us. I was so dissapointed, emo and shit, but Envy was 1v5ing with Luna. He made game winning calls. I 100% give Envy the credit for that game. without him we'd have lost for sure.
In the next game I don't remember what I played. This was the SF stuff I did. That game was of no relevance. This was against DK after beating alliance. alliance told us to ban wisp against DK, but we didn't understand the hero. We were operating under limited knowledge.
We were playing IG in the group stages too. This was the first time playing against Ferrari for me. They weren't weak back then I think. Ferrari Naga against my Dragon Knight. I was so happy, because this was my chance to prove myself. I was motivated and ready to beat everybody. Playing against him in lane was easy for me. All my aggro tricks were on point. I was outplaying him. We started snowballing when we failed a gank mid. It was an easy ass mid even though Jacky Mao Doom fed a bit. Fucking classic.
We play DK in the winner bracket. There was so much hype since they were the best team in the world and we beat them in scrims. They picked wisp and lycan. This was the first time we faced against a lycan double core with a morph. Back then we only picked only midgame heroes.

We played against this Lycan and morph wisp stuff, and we're under the impression we should just destroy these guys but we got outskilled. Destroyed. This was a huge hit to our confidence.
I was doubting myself as an ember player, as the hero. Maybe it doesn't fit me and stuff.
In game two we did a preset cheese strategy with Enigma, lone druid +1 offlane. We tried rosh early but got stopped. We got outplayed again and lost to their wisp. We didn't listen to alliance and lost.
I was the most depressed I've ever been after that series. It was the first time I felt I wasn't a strong player and we weren't a strong team. My emotions were flaring out of the control. My team went out to dinner and I couldn't do anything, I had to go to sleep. I was super sad. I was never so outplayed before competitively. That feeling hurt.
It woke me up. Woke that fire the next day. we played against Empire and lost to those guys..

There wasn't much to say about that game. I could mention that Envy lost us the 3rd game really bad - he single-handedly lost us that game but it's made kind of neutral by the fact that he single-handedly won us that game versus Alliance. We just kind of sucked ass and they did too but we sucked ass more. The team that won that game was going to lose versus DK anyway. And DK 3-0'd Empire.
Jacky Mao brings up good point - At my first tournament I experienced jet lag and I had stomach problems. I was rooming with Universe at that time and I was unable to sleep due to jet lag and a really bad stomach ache. I had this laxative liquid and I had this little shot glass - I took 4 shots of laxative and I just sat in the washroom for 4 hours.
This was day of tourney (which was happening in 5 hours) and I took 5 shots of laxative. I was not feeling good, man. I was feeling sick. And then that was when I realize we might fucking lose. But then we lost anyway so it doesn't matter.
[end of recovered content]
We were concerned about Fear. We were worried he might not play in the TI. It was a huge deal for us. Fear was not allowed to be in same room when we had a conversation about this. We us 4, me PPD Zai universe, had to decide if we want to pick Mason or Fear for TI. It was a hard decision. Fear couldn't sustain the practice we wanted to. It was depressing but we had to go back to practice.
The Summit 1 came along. It was like StarLadder. We came one day earlier. We played some games against DK. Now we lost every fucking scrim. For some reason, we felt pretty good. The complete opposite. We did random shit like morph dagon and we lost. I dunno. Our bootcamp was a success. We learned how to lose when DK was trying. We scrimmed against some NA teams but they were weak. We didn't learn much.
In the back of our heads, we thought we were top 3. We were concerned about DK, but not Vici. We were thinking about Navi and DK the most. Navi weren't considered good, but very good in BO1. The group stages mattered for the momentum of the tournament. We lost to Navi's tinker in an unloseable game. Tinker then became first pick, with Excalibur playing him the most. We never had a match we played tinker, and teams did not know we could pick tinker. But we had a tinker player. Some teams still banned it even then. It really came into play against Vici.
We lost to Navi, DK and another team, going 2-3 in the group stages. We weren't demoralized. When we lost we were playing fnatic in the loser's bracket first round. We knew were would win against fnatic on LAN. They had some cool strategies, but they didn't have the skill to beat us in a straight up game. The only times they beat us was with a ping advantage. We were pretty confident. We almost lose the first game. They picked Night Stalker and we almost lost, but managed to win. Navi after that was scary. Even though they were having a rough time, they were respectable. They were still scary on LAN. Losing every single game and to random Euro teams, but when they're on LAN they're scary. They were not the same Navi online. Playing Russians meant one side always has high ping, that's how it goes, so online is different. We managed to beat the though in one sided games. I think we picked Rhasta and abused Rosh. That's when DIREBOYS began.
Before we played disorganized Dota. We knew we wanted to farm with Naga, but we weren't sure what to do. Objectives were not yet discovered.
Playing Vici in the loser bracket finals were sick games. They were a strong team. They didn't figure their style out yet, but they were confident. When they connected at TI it was totally different from this. We went 1-1, then we busted out tinker last pick. Someone he slipped through the draft to last pick. They were completely unaware. We knew we won off that pick. You pick tinker and then you're confident no matter what they have - he keeps you in the game. If you snow ball just a little bit, you win the game. He's just a ridiculous hero in that right.
Next up, the Grand Finals versus DK. This was so hype. I was so excited to play. I smiled after I won. It was a good feeling. There was a certain amount of respect for opponents. It was mutual here. I was getting smashed in one game and set a bad tone for my team. OK back to the beginning.
Game 1 we did a push stratergy that we never practiced - just theory. We did a push with furion and abaddon. They picked Panda and Doom, two strong heroes. Panda or Doom wasn't consistent, and he was a China only pick. When they picked those heroes, we knew we had to push as fast as we can. They had Panda, ember doom and we had furion abbadon dragon knight. We had a timing at 25 minutes. We were doing well, team wiping them and got a tower. Everything was good. Then they get levels on their Panda and Doom. We push high ground, knowing we had to do it or we lose to Enchantress Aghs. I made a call to on the Ench. To paint a picture, he was right above the top Dire T3 and I was infront of it in the middle of the stairs. I made the call to focus him because I knew he didn't have BB and if he died we'd win. We all went on him, but he managed to live with 100HP and we died. From that play alone we lost the game. I thought we could kill him, but we couldn't focus him.
We argued after the game and talked about what we should have done. I understood that I rushed the chance to kill him. Shit was bad. we were all yelling. Me and PPD were beefing. Of course it doesn't matter. It was constructive beef, nobody was yelling or anything like that.
We picked Lycan mid and DK was prepared. They picked Axe and I got crushed. I got demoralized again. I was feeding in my lane, losing my team the game. My team carried me with Mason mirana. We came back 1-1.
The next two games weren't interesting. It was just one team winning and the other losing slowly. They did stupid BH Clock stuff to punish mid and it didn't work. It was 2-2.
Game 5 DK pulls out their secret: Tiny Wisp safelane and mid sand king and a space making bristle. Bristle went 0-8-0, but his true plan was to run like a retard and make us focus him. That game taught us as a team. We didn't understand that ganking the bristle as 5 that tiny wisp was pushing. We lost so much time and gold while they farmed. That was the game we realized that we had to farm better as a team and kill people in small groups. He fed, we won, good stuff.
This isn't that interesting actually.
Then the bootcamp. Every day we played we had an idea of what to practice. Every day went well. I was really happy because PPD was organized and I respected him a lot. I was proud to be part of team EG because I was playing poorly and threw the last games.
Then D2L. We did some online tourney where we 3-0'd Navi. That was a good booster since we outfarmed them. We didn't even use our best strategies.
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The TI bootcamp went really well. We prepare dour own strategies. Razor was OP. I played Death Prophet and I went 0-15. After we never picked DP again. I think why we lost TI was because my feeding that one scrim and us scrapping DP from the whole pool. Deciding never to pick that hero again. We were content with Razor, Sky and this shit.
So TI. the only game I want to talk about was the Newbee game. That was the second time I had a soul crushing defeat. Knowing you could beat them if you were 10% better. I played the worst in my life game 1 as Naga. I questioned my skill for months after TI.
I lost my way. I didn't know what to do. I was a mess.
OK I can take some time to flame tournaments. For ESL, EG was scheduled to play Navi at the end of the first day. At the end of thew first day we had BO3. But then they say "sorry, you have to play tomorrow." So in a 2 day tournament, we had to play all the games in 1 day. We 2-0'd Navi, but that's not the point. We were basically playing a whole tournament, more games than anyone, in a single day. We played those guys and beat them. The next series we play Fnatic. We were playing a game of 3 and the power went out. We had to wait another 30 mins to get things sorted out.
So they sort it out and I do another classic RTZ throw. I was a fucking retard. Then we play against IG. The first game went really well. We outplayed their push strat. They did some pugna doom stuff and thanks to Universe void we took control and won. Then we fed the next two games. Actually just fed every game. Game 3 as tiny wisp I just died. Zai suicided so I would live. The game was a clownfest. Mason sand kind safelane. Everyone was laughing. I don't know what was happening.
Hold on.
Then we were not sure if playing with Fear for TI was the right choice. I talked to Envy if he would join if we had a spot and he said no. So we didn't even bother going after him.
We asked NoTail. Ice ice ice. They all said no. Then we just decided Fear over Mason because there some issues on our team. With players on our team.
Alright, Envy wants to make it clear that I after him and called him an idiot for not joining EG. I did that. Sorry Jacky Mao.
I think after loser's bracket WEC I felt that EG as a team felt the best we've ever played. We played as a team and crushed every team. Everything felt in sync. I understand that a big factor was that Chinese teams were on break, Newbee won TI and didn't give a shit, Vici got a new roster and didn't give a shit. Even though the conditions were sketchy, we played the best we've ever played. Winning was a such a nice feeling. That was a tournament I smiled as well. Everything went well and I was happy and all this shit. FUCK MAN.
So after WEC the drama comes. This is it everybody. This is the BOOM BOOM. OK time for music so the VOD gets muted. This is some good shit.
Um, so after WEC the new patch comes. This new patch promoted a different style from Ti4. You didn't want to push or send 5 heroes. You didn't want to like play together as a team. You wanted to split push shit like that. LOL. Ok I'm sorry I'm sorry let's start again.
NO RECORD PLEASE. Don't record.
The game changed completely. At TI4 it was centric on push, getting a lead, snowballing to rosh. It wasn't at all what it is now. You wanted to end in 15 min. Now you wanted to end 30-40 min. We had some difference of opinion how to play as a team.
I had a strong belief that picking illusion heroes and 4 heroes that support that hero in whatever way (stuns, empower) was the best way to play.
And then some of my teammates. Let's say Universe Fear and Zai did not have a definite opinion. They had some opinions for their heroes, but no overall game opinion how to play. My opinion at the time was definite. If we didn't play like this we LOSE I thought in my head. PPD thought push and stuff was still the best.
We had a lot of small arguments. We had discussions how I wanted 4 protect 1 because it made me look better. We just had a difference of opinion. This was not going to change unless we changed players.

There was no way we should have won Starladder.
We played 0 games together. Didn't practice at all. We had no idea what to pick except "yeah that might work let's pick it." Our primary idea was lycan. He was picked in like 10% of games or less. Maybe 5%. We picked it in Starladder and crushed everybody with Lycan. Then we won. It was fucking sick to win, because we got so angry seeing Secret cheering after beating us. We were incredibly angry. They were throwing headsets and high fiving. Since we're depressing guys on EG we looked at those guys and said we're going to fucking beat those fuckers.
We talked about how to beat their stupid ET Tide opening. We theorycrafted. Then we figured it out. A style to play against secret. It ended up working since they always give us Lycan except one fucking awful game I played Ember. Not talking about that. FUCK GUSTAV MAN that guy went crazy.
The last game we almost lost because we threw. We threw fucking hard. They threw but we threw more. We almost lost. I was so fucking mad. If we didn't have Nyx we would have lost for sure.
Winning was probably my second favorite win in my Dota career. Beating those guys that were so happy when they won a winner bracket match made me feel so good. That was first time I saw Universe yell out. He went crazy. We all shared the same thought about being happy to beat SEcret. No offence, I love Gustav, but we had a difference of minds.
So then we started disbanding. Even though we won Dreamleague, it wasn't a moral victory. We played Dota, C9 sucked us, and we beat them. It wasn't high skill. Just stupid games.
And then - hold on.
I am back. I had to tend to some needs. Kappa.
After we lost was the Summit. Shit went down. All our small arguments we had together all emptied out into one tournament. Honestly, we would have probably disbanded - I dunno, we would have huge ass issues if we didn't win StarLadder. Some big problems if we didn't win. Winning kept us alive.
So when we lost Summit everything went down the hill. As soon as we lost to Secret - that series did not matter at all. Honestly, after losing to C9 3-2, we were defeated. No point to the third place match up in my mind.
Part of the reason Dota is so sick is mental strength is so huge. If you're defeated starting a game you're fucked. We lost Secret 3-0. I rebooked my flight and went home right away.
Universe did too. We didn't go to the afterparty at all. On the flight back with my emo music, it was some really depressing shit. Yeah, classic stuff. So, what's next. Let's see my notepad that I didn't follow at all. Let's talk about Envy.
So from what I understand - hold on.
I need an upbeat song for this. Hold on. I know. This is what you guys are here for. I am hyping it up.
So I think what happened is that Zai got asked to join secret to replace Fly. He spoke to them at the Summit in real life after we left. In private conversation they asked him to join as the offlaner. I found out later since I was not part of the equation at all. I don't think they talked about me at all. Zai talked to me about it and I asked him what to do. He decided he's not the type to leave after tournament losses. We decided to keep playing together.
I wanted to talk to whole team about changing our style. We weren't practicing. The misconception about Zai and RTZ not wanting to practice was somewhat true. Zai couldn't take practice seriously because - I dunno his reasons. I couldn't because were picking garbage shit. We weren't open to new idea, new styles. I didn't give a shit. There were lots of issues with each other. PPD and I had a lot of conversations about how to play the current metagame and stuff.
I tried to explain what I though about the game. I was never applied. None of the stuff we talked about was applied in game. We played against VP.Polar and all the stuff we talked about, how to pick, wasn't used. That's when I said FUCK IT MAN.
I forgot to mention. After Zai said no, Theeban asked me if I wanted to join with Zai. After thinking and talking to my team, I decided no we should not do this. They went on to play with Misery and NoTail. Then we played that VP.Polar match, I thought we were a new team to destroy everyone again. Then we fucking lost. In the worst manner.
It was awful.
It felt like a complete disconnection. Zai was feeding. I was mad because we played like retards. EG needed to be reborn through a roster change to be good again. With the same 5 players we'd hit a fucking well. I talked to Theeban again and revisited the idea of joining secret. It kind of wasn't going to happen, but we kept pressuring them. "Come on Come on let's do it." They saw the fire in us and it happened.
We became team secret.
What else am I supposed to say about this. I'm trying to think. I think I'm the most motivated I've been in a long ass time since joining. Even though I'm Luxembourg every day, I'm feeling really good about everything I'm doing.
[reading chat] Reactions about talking to EG? Alright OK fucking SUBS MODE ONLY. I will answer sub mode questions as long as they are not retarded.

Oh holy shit they posted a screenshot of our scrim. Since this is out there this was the last of the games where we fucking threw. We fed the antimage.
So far in scrims someone asked who is drafting. So far it started out with Puppey of course. But now I've been drafting with puppey over the last couple of days. We're talking together but I'm the drafter thing? I'm still brown and orage but I can still draft so it's cool.
Can you give us an example of how the team dynamics changed between Secret and toxic EG? EG was probably one of the teams that were the most mentally prepared in matches. On LANs, even without practice, we were ready to win. The old secret lacked the strong mental mindset. It's super important to have that mindset. A small amount of doubt that you won't win will really damage you. Second guessing yourself makes you take an extra second that really adds up. Secret lacked that before and me and Zai make up for that. That's just my opinion.
OK FUCK it dude turn this sub mode off. I can't focus everyone is messaging me. Thanks for subbing guys but I'm fucking sorry. Just start spamming, go crazy, I answer like that.
I'm actually pretty upset. How does an NA team post a screenshot to everybody about a scrim? And this kind of hurts the long term of NA dota. We are never going to scrim that team ever again. Why would we play a team that wins a scrim and brags to their friends even though we threw like crazy? This is why NA dota is fucking garbage. All this shady shit.
After the VP.Polar game, thinking about leaving EG, I did not sleep for 3 nights. Ultimately I consider this a job as much as a hobby. you have to be selfish in what you do to be successful. If that means potentially breaking friendships or fucking up people to get what you want, it's worth it. It's a depressing reality but you got to do what you got to do. In 10 years you'll be regretful, might as well do it. I follow my gut, and if it says you have to leave you have to go. Do what you want. I decided it was best. It was a very hard decision for me.
It's not a way of looking at the world. It's a dota thing. In 10 years Dota is going to die. I am not going to be speaking to 90% of the friends I made in the Dota scene. Not to name drop, but I don't see myself talking to FNG or SingSing, Dendi or these people. It doesn't matter to me if I hurt them or their feelings for a temporary amount of team. I'm depressing as fuck but it doesn't matter to me. I'm sorry. I'll be talking to Envy and shit for sure.
I didn't pick anyone specific, I just looked at a falling list on twitter. I didn't just flame those guys. No offence man.
So Jacky Mao is telling me to rephrase. I'm bad at explaining in the heat of the moment. What I meant to say is I want to win so bad so that things like temporary friendship and praise doesn't matter. I just want to win so I can satisfy myself. Kappa. But honestly that is basically it.
Sorry I just ruined this completely. I came off very aggressive. I don't meant to do that.
Part of the reason I was so motivate din Kaipi is that every game I was at a disadvantage. That makes me fired up. I love playing match ups you're not supposed to win because I think I can try to win those as best as I can. Razor OD was an important matchup at MLG Columbus. Everyone thought Razor shits on OD, but I went even against Bulba's Razor. Iceiceice razor I did very well against. Those kind of matchups make me feel really good. That's why Luxumbourg is tolerated.
I'll talk about the roster shuffle in general right now. Let's talk about Clown 9. I'm not sure if their team is better. They're on a new mental state. They're on a really good start. C9's mental attitude was actually insane. They were the most depressing guys I've ever seen. Sitting behind them at WEC, hearing them talk in that open room, that was the most depressing tone and everything. I'm sure that carried on to tournaments. Maybe Misery and NoTail fit better, but all that matters is that C9 got a brand new start, a new image. Sometime that helps a team Grow.
Team Tinker? I don't know man. I can't take those-. I don't want to say anything mean about Tinker but I don't understand. I really don't understand what's happening. Switching players every time they have issues. They have a true underlying issue I cannot say. I do not flame people I'm close/not close to. [Ed Note: I didn't catch this very well. More likely that it is "not close to".]
The roster shuffle helped EG and Secret both. EG needed new players, a new mental state.
The mental state we were at as EG a month ago with our 5, we were not progressing. Maybe top 8 at TI5. We'd flatline. All of us are super motivated with our new teams. Even though we ended on a pretty bad note, each of us will eventually be happy with the outcome. The new EG is stronger than the Summit EG. Definitely.
Alliance I have no idea. They have potential for attitudes to clash. If they keep losing, we'll see what happens. A team's true colors come when they lose. If you're winning you don't see the problems. When you're losing you talk about the issues if you're a good team, not go completely emo and everything.
If there's no more questions I'm going to conclude this thing. I probably said a lot of stupid shit and fucked up. Some stupid shit for sure.
The new player on EG? The 15 year old prodigy. He reminds me of myself at MLG. He also reminds me of myself because we were supposed to scrim EG today and he didn't come because he had school. That's like me. Missing scrims because I had to do chemistry. He's talented. There are lots of NA Dota people who are talented but they're not given a chance. And when they are given a chance they DO STUPID FUCKING SHIT LIKE POST SCREENSHOTS OF SCRIMS.
I'm mad at the scene. EXILE ME YOU FUCKERS. NA Dota has to change if the scene is going to go. I was part of the NA Dota but then I booked it. I was a real fucking cunt in NEL when I was 17, 9 months ago. I was a real fucking retard. I had no idea what I was going with my life. Not 9 months ago, 18 months. Broodstar used to talk to me about my attitude but I was so stupid. Now I think I'm better, but in one more year I'll probably look back and think I was stupid again. It's cool how you grow up.

Any more last thoughts or anything? Hmm.
I don't care about the W33 guy. Honestly people should not care about his action but his response. His response is the problem. He responded like a moron. There's no way you look at that, say you cheated, and then get upset because people said you cheated. I dunno man, it's actually insane. I don't know what he's thinking. He could have ignored everything and moved on but he decided to make a big deal out of everything.
The fact that Arise threatened to physically hurt someone as well. People are fucking children. I don't think any smart person would threaten someone physically. I understand he's a cocky young kid, and that's good, but then you have to realize you can't just do stuff like that anymore. And I'm pretty sure Arise was serious.
And I'm not saying that by calling someone out as stupid I'm saying I'm smart, responsible or mature, but the ability to recognize you fucked up is important in the process. I fucked up a lot of times and I'm trying to learn here. It's a process I have a whole timeline of.
Dota affects my emotions way too much. This game's a rollercoaster. Good lord.
I'll conclude. What I wanted to talk about was the upcoming China tournament. I think people don't understand what's happening. A mini china international is coming up, and people are still streaming. Jacky Mao streaming these pubs is so stupid. You wouldn't stream 2 weeks before TI. There's no point. All your attention should be on this tournament. That's why I'm not streaming. I'm focusing on this tournament.
I have the fire in me. I have a new mental state. I'm ready to win.
So TI is coming up and I don't want to stream. I probably won't stream if there's a huge MLG tournament either. All of my energy needs to be on the game and how to win. Not how to win pubs. I want to move forward by destroying this idea of ...
FUCK IT BABYRAGE. Life goes on, I am who I am. I'm going to focus on what important, I'm going to win.
What's funny is I'm watching Grey's Anatomy. Every single team it seems relevant to my Dota career. The residents were moving on to attendings. Some were going to different hospitals, some were staying. Basically, I got my internship and I booked it to a BETTER HOSPITAL I'M OUT OF THERE LOL OH GOD. I got my internship, I'm happy I was at EG, but I'm moving on to a different hospital.
Then again also the other day I was watching another episode of Grey's Anatomy and they were saying change is good. Change IS GOOD. Exactly. OH GOD I HIT THE FUCKING WALL. This is how it ends. It's been fun guys.
I have honestly no idea what happened over this last hour and a half. All I know is that I am just a boy playing some Do-to. Right now I'm at the Team Secret hospital, an attending, and the rest of EG is in the Team EG hospital doing whatever they love.
This calls for a fucking name change.
[NAME UPDATED TO "Dr. Babaev M.D."]
Honestly I have no idea what got into me. I was taking it pretty well and boom it came out of me. Grey's anatomy. In real life I'm not going to be like this. Just a normal boy, relaxed.
Team Secret is going to bootcamp in China on the 20th. Get adjusted to jetlag and practice against the Chinese. I'm excited. I cannot wait. This is the first time I've ever been so excited for a tournament.
I just want to say I feel bad for Sumail. He's going to have a huge dip in grades. I started Grade 12 with a 98% average, then 88% average, then I went below 50% average. I passed the year with my first two terms of marks. I skipped my history exam and got a complete 0. I almost failed highschool because of a four week bootcamp in Europe. Right now he's really young so school doesn't matter at all. But I missed so many classes I couldn't do anything. That guy man, he better fucking realize. It's so incredibly stressful to not have your parents understand that. When I mom understood it got pretty chill. My teachers got mad but that's alright, watch Grey's Anatomy.
My timeline is to play Dota for two more years, two more internationals to be precise. Then go back to school, maybe stream if I have time. I don't think I can play Dota for much longer honestly. This year I'm going full.
My fire is ignited. I have my Derrick Rose motivation video on repeat every morning. It was the first video I watched January 2012. I had just watched Dendi's solo mid guide. Then BOOM, Arteezy was born. I started to grind Dota games.
There's some people who helped accelerate me to where I am today. Dondo and Bulba. I thank them for the help. But I helped myself too guys.
[RTZ PLAYES DERRICK ROSE INSPIRATION VIDEO]
Only the first minute is legit. Enough of that.
Ok let me summarize this whole Q&A that I'm probably going to get a lot of bullshit for. But like I always say: Life is life, Grey's Anatomy is Grey's Anatomy. We're just boys trying to play dota at the end of the day.

Editor's Note: I'm signing off here guys. Seems RTZ is just playing music videos now, so I'm calling it quits.
As to why I did this, I'm a guy who loves competitive Dota, especially in the NA scene. I'm also a big proponent of transparency. Everyone makes better decisions when they have more information. Important things were said today and a record of that is valuable for the community.
I apologize for any mistakes.

credit to Clasp!