Featherpaw wished she could stop shaking. She didn't want to be cowering in fear in what could very well be her final moments. But how could she stop? Tigerstar's menacing gaze bore into her soul. She glanced over at Stormpaw, her brother. His expression remained unchanging as he stared at Stonefur, his mentor, the Clan Deputy. They both seemed fine, but then again, they had always been brave. Or maybe they were just as terrified as she was, but were doing a good job of hiding it. She didn't know.
Why had Leopardstar done this? Why had she agreed to unite RiverClan and ShadowClan to form TigerClan? She was supposed to care for her Clan–she was the Leader for StarClan's sake–but she had allowed Featherpaw, Stormpaw, Mistyfoot and Stonefur to live in utter misery for the last few moons. All because they were half-clan. What did that matter? Featherpaw was loyal to RiverClan. So were Stormpaw, Mistyfoot and Stonefur, but that didn't matter to Tigerstar. Or Leopardstar. It hadn't stopped her from letting them be imprisoned.
“Prove your loyalty to TigerClan.” The voice broke Featherpaw out of her trance. She hadn't seen him speak, but she didn't have to, she knew that voice. Tigerstar's. He was looking at Stonefur, a malicious glint in his eyes.
“Rid us of these half-clan apprentices.” He snarled, looking at Stormpaw and Featherpaw in utter disgust. “Kill them.”
Featherpaw gasped, and Stormpaw did the same. They exchanged a look, and Featherpaw couldn't identify the emotion in her brother's eyes. Fear. Anger. Despair. Sorrow. Regret. Anxiety. Defiance. Or maybe a combination of all of them. She couldn't tell.
She wanted to run. She wanted to leave the camp, run away from the Bonehill, go somewhere, anywhere. Somewhere safe. Somewhere with cats she could trust for once. Somewhere she could feel at home. She would never find a place like that, she knew it. Her paws kept her rooted to the spot.
She heard murmurs from the cats around her, the cats she lived with, the cats she interacted with every day. But would they even miss her when she was gone? No, probably not. They all acted like she was nothing but a pest. At least in StarClan, she could be with her mother, Silverstream, who she had never gotten to meet. Maybe then, she would get the comfort she wanted, the love she so desperately needed. The mother's love that she longed for.
She glanced up at Stonefur, who was staring at Tigerstar in a state of pure rage. Then he looked to Leopardstar. Leopardstar, who didn't move a muscle, not even a twitch of a whisker. If she cared about what was going to happen, her expression betrayed no signs of it.
“You're my Leader. I don't take orders from him, I take orders from you. You know that this is wrong.” He still looked strong, like he always did, even now that he was half-starved. But even Featherpaw could tell that he was pretending to be strong for her and Stormpaw. He was terrified on the inside.
So was she. He wasn't really going to kill them, was he? Surely he didn't have it in him.
Leopardstar let out a long sigh. “We need our Clan to be strong, with cats we can count on. There is no room for divided loyalties. Do as Tigerstar tells you.” She answered.
Featherpaw wanted to wail like a kit. This couldn't be happening. She saw the look in Stonefur’s eyes. Begging Leopardstar to change her mind. To stand up to Tigerstar. To do something, anything.
“No.” He snarled. “I won't.” He bared his teeth, hissing with rage, looking up at Tigerstar. “You'll have to kill me first, Tigerstar!”
Tigerstar nodded curtly at Darkstripe, who was sitting at the bottom of the Bonehill. “Very well. Kill him.”
There was eagerness in Darkstripe's eyes. Was it an urge to fight, or was he just glad to impress Tigerstar? He always padded after Tigerstar, Tigerstar was his idol. Featherpaw didn't know why. He was the most horrible, evil cat the forest had ever seen.
Stonefur lunged at Darkstripe, letting out an ear-splitting caterwaul. He tore his claws along Darkstipe's flank, leaving marks that the tabby wouldn't soon forget. Darkstripe reared up on his hind legs, raising his forepaws in the air to bring his crushing weight down on Stonefur, but Stonefur dashed under Darkstripe's belly, raking his claws along it while Darkstripe howled out in pain.
Featherpaw turned to Stormpaw. He looked just as horrified as she felt. Featherpaw wanted to charge forward and help Stonefur, to use each and every battle move she had been taught against the horrible cats that stood before her. But she couldn't move. She was frozen.
Stonefur now had Darkstripe pinned to the ground, slashing at his exposed underbelly with sharp claws. Come on. Featherpaw urged Stonefur silently. Win this fight. Do it. Keep going.
She hoped that if he beat Darkstripe, maybe he would gain Tigerstar's respect and he would be allowed to live. It was a far-fetched fantasy, sure, but couldn't Featherpaw at least give herself a bit of hope?
He still had Darkstripe pinned down, and Featherpaw was astonished. Stonefur hadn't eaten in days, how could he fight this well? Her hope was shattered when Darkstripe powerfully thrust his legs upward, knocking Stonefur off.
Stonefur quickly scrambled back to his paws and lashed out at Darkstripe's face with a single forepaw. Darkstripe staggered backwards, and Featherpaw heard Tigerstar's yowl of rage.
“Get a move on Darkstripe, you're fighting like a kittypet!” He snarled angrily, and Featherpaw spotted the anger in Darkstripe's eyes at being compared to a house cat.
Tigerstar looked at Blackfoot. “Finish it.” He ordered, and Blackfoot nodded, joining in on the fight. Stonefur was outnumbered now, what could he do? The fur on the back of Featherpaw’s neck bristled as she made a decision. She was going to help. She got ready to move, but Stormpaw held his tail in front of her, stopping her.
“Don't.” He whispered, his meow wavering. “There's no point. There's nothing we can do.” He answered.
Featherpaw hissed. “I don't care! If the three of us fight together, we can win! We'll do it! And even if we don't, so be it! If Stonefur is going to die, I'll die with him! And I'll die a hero, fighting alongside him like we did in our training sessions. I'll fight alongside him, even if it's the last fight I take part in. I'll fight.”
Stormpaw looked at her, pleading, desperation in his eyes. “Please. Featherpaw, please!” He urged her. “I can't…” The words sounded warbled and seemed painful for him to force out. “Please. I can't lose you too.”
Before Featherpaw could speak, she heard a cry. She turned back around and stood in horror. Darkstripe had Stonefur pinned down, and Blackfoot was moving towards Stonefur’s throat. No! Featherpaw wanted to yowl her words out loud, but something prevented her from it. We're too late…
Blackfoot slowly moved his claws towards Stonefur’s throat, clearly wanting to relish and savour the moment. For a heartbeat, Featherpaw caught Stonefur’s gaze. His eyes seemed to smile, reassuring her. “It's okay.” He mouthed.
Featherpaw shook her head.
No, it wasn't! Why was Stonefur lying to himself in his last moments?! Why did his final breath have to be taken after a false statement? Nothing was okay, nothing would ever be okay again, never! Nothing was okay!
She had to look away, burying her face into Stomrpaw's fur while Blackfoot dealt the final blow, and Stonefur let out a piercing cry that Featherpaw knew she would never unhear. That sound, that noise, that cry…it would forever be burned into her memory.
She managed to tear herself away from Stormpaw. Stonefur lay motionless in the clearing, and Tigerstar, Darkstripe and Blackfoot all looked smothered in glee and pride. It made Featherpaw sick.
Stonefur was dead.
—————————————————————————————————————————
“Feathertail? Feathertail? Are you alright?”
Feathertail jolted awake, wondering where she was. Wasn't she just back at TigerClan moments ago? She took in the scenery around her. No, she was on the journey. It had all been yet another nightmare.
She gazed up at the cat beside her and she instantly smiled again. Crowpaw. His blue eyes were filled with concern. “You were trembling in your sleep.” He told her. “Are you alright?”
She glanced at the other cats around her. Squirrelpaw was curled up with Brambleclaw, her fluffy tail around his paws. Tawnypelt lay behind them, and Stormfur wasn't far away.
Feathertail sighed. “Yes Crowpaw.” She assured him. “I'm fine.” But was she? No. If she was fine, then why would she be having nightmares every night, for more moons than she could count.
He narrowed his eyes, clearly not believing her lie. “You can tell me.” He answered. “If you're upset, you can trust me.”
Feathertail knew it was true. She did trust him. But where could she begin? She looked into his icy blue eyes. Start somewhere. She told herself. Anywhere.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” He asked her. “I haven't been able to sleep either.” He admitted.
She nodded and smiled, tilting her head to the side. “Sure! I'd love to!” She beamed.
Crowpaw nodded, flicking his tail at a pine tree up ahead. “Race you to that tree!” He called over his shoulder as he started to run.
“Hey!” Feathertail shouted, racing after him. He reached the tree before she did, and even while she stood out of breath, he appeared to be fine. He gave his fur a ruffle.
“Ah, I miss running on the moor.” He whispered wistfully. “Do you miss RiverClan?”
Feathertail let out a dry purr. Did she miss RiverClan? That was like asking an apprentice if it missed being a kit in the nursery. Of course not! She didn't need to be there to see the faces of insincere cats, the ones who pretended to care. They were still the ones who had cheered when Stonefur died. How could she forget that?
RiverClan was anything but her home. She lived there, sure, but out here was different. She hadn't known Crowpaw long, but she already knew she could trust him way more than she could trust her Clanmates.
She kept getting a fluttering feeling in her chest, butterflies that just wouldn't go away whenever she was with Crowpaw. Love. That was what it was. She knew it was wrong. She was a RiverClan cat and he was a WindClan one. But still. If she was offered a chance to leave WindClan to be with him… the decision wouldn’t be hard. RiverClan was hardly her home, was it?
“What's wrong with you?” He asked gently, trying to get an answer out of her. She sighed, looking up at the stars.
“Can we sit down?” She asked. “It's a long story.”
Once they were both sitting underneath the leaves of the pine tree, she began. “How much do you know about TigerClan?” She started, and saw the confused look in his eyes. He paused in thought. “I know that it was awful. That Leopardstar united RiverClan with ShadowClan and formed TigerClan. That it caused unnecessary deaths. But that's it really.” He replied. Feathertail flinched at the ‘unnecessary deaths’ part. That was certainly true.
“Tigerstar discriminated against half-clan cats. So that meant he hated me, Stormfur, Mistyfoot and Stonefur. He…” Feathertail swallowed. No! She scolded herself. Don't cry, you minnow-brain!
“Tigerstar ordered Stonefur to kill us; me and Stormfur.” She watched as Crowpaw's eyes widened in shock and horror.
“He refused. So he was killed instead. And I relive it every night. Him writhing in pain. His screams, his cries. I relive it. Me and Stormfur–Stormpaw at the time–being able to do nothing but watch as he died. I relive it. All of it. I can't unhear his desperate cries. And the cheers of the cats that called themselves his friends. That's why I feel better out here. With you.” She watched Crowpaw glance away in embarrassment.
“Because with you… it's different. You accept me. I'm not used to that. You're an amazing cat. I don't know many of those. I feel more at home here, under this StarClan damned pine tree than in my own nest in RiverClan. It's too hard for me to forgive them. Leopardstar told us she was sorry afterwards. That she knew it was wrong, but had to do it, because of Tigerstar. It was all a massive pile of fox-dung. If I were Leader in her situation, I would've stood up to Tigerstar, even if it cost me my life. Isn't that the vow a warrior makes, to protect and defend their Clan, even at the cost of their own life? And she wasn't just a warrior, she was Leader. She had nine lives. She wouldn't give up even one for her Deputy. The bravest, most honourable cat in the whole forest.” Feathertail ranted.
“Oh, and guess what!” She knew she was probably startling Crowpaw with her sharp, angry tone, but this was a sensitive topic and she wasn't backing down.
“Wanna know why Stormfur got his name? After Stonefur. He was named after Stonefur. I swear to StarClan, at our warrior ceremony, I wanted to run over and tear Leopardstar to shreds for doing that. So, so hypocritical. I just…how can she sleep at night, knowing she let him die?” Feathertail wailed.
Crowpaw rested his muzzle on her head. “I can't imagine what you've gone through. You're stronger than any cat gives you credit for.”
She let out a happy purr. “Thank you. Crowpaw.” They stayed like that for a while until Crowpaw spoke up. “Should we head back to the others?”
Feathertail thought. “Can we just stay here for another while?” She felt so warm curled up against him. She could tell that he was smiling. “Yes, of course.”
“Crowpaw, I…” She hesitated. “I don't know what the future holds. But no matter what, I want to spend it by your side.”
Crowpaw tensed and Feathertail hoped she hadn't said the wrong thing. But he eventually relaxed and purred. “I know. Me too.” He whispered.
Feathertail cuddled against him, resting her head on her paws and curling her fluffy tail around Crowpaw's thin, wiry one. For the first time in her whole life, she felt safe. She felt loved. For once, she felt like…
Everything was okay.