Blended families are common. When the couple that created the blended family divorces, things can become complicated for the stepparents involved. If you are a Texan in this situation, consult your local family law attorney. They may have suggestions on how to handle the situation based on their experience. However, family law does not always address the rights of stepparents in a supportive way. This can leave you to figure it out on your own and navigating a difficult situation.
Some stepparents spend decades raising their stepchildren and have strong bonds. They may want to continue a relationship with the non-biological children but are confused on how to do so, especially since stepparents don’t have a legal claim to the children. In contentious divorces, the situation can worsen when the biological parent doesn’t permit the children to contact the stepparent if they are minors. Some children may not be permitted to make contact with their ex-stepparents while they are minors, but can make the choice whether to have a relationship with that person when they reach adulthood.
Some psychologists recommend that stepparents try to initiate contact through letters rather than personal visits or phone calls. It’s important to remember that the change in the family structure can be difficult for children. They need to be allowed time to process the shift in the relationship on their terms. Letting them know a stepparent is there through cards and letters is a noninvasive and subtle way to continue contact and keep the door open for future communication.
Regardless of how you choose to stay in contact with your stepchildren, it’s also important to be aware of your motives. Of course, the best choices are made out of genuine love and concern for the children. And, of course, any negative feelings regarding the ex-spouse are not appropriate to express to the children.
If you are in a divorce situation and do not have contact with your stepchild, don’t lose heart. Often, the children will wait to reach out once the hostility of the divorce has subsided. Or, if they are minor children, they may reach out to a stepparent when they become adults. It’s best to give them space while letting them know the door is open for communication.
Divorce is difficult to process alone, but is even more complex when a stepparent has close bonds with a non-biological child. Don’t take it personally if the relationship is put on hold during the divorce, and know that the child is hurting as well. When you’ve done your best as a stepparent and developed a family bond, the relationship can continue. It may take some patience, but the next phase of the stepparent/child relationship can be as good as - if not better than - during the marriage.
If you have questions regarding your rights as a stepparent, contact a family law attorney in your area.