- Don’t do this because it is bad manners.
- Don’t do it because they will throw us out.
- Don’t do this because the police are around.
- Don’t do this because someone will scold you.
- Don’t do this because I tell you so.
As our child grows up, we find ourselves using more and more variations of “Don’t do this because…”.
Some of these statements are practical, objective facts, while some are plain threats.
Can we mindfully step away from giving threats or inducing fears in our child’s mind? Can we stick to objectively explaining consequences to them instead?
Eg. A child that shouts at a preschool and daycare sometimes is threatened by teachers “don’t shout or you will be punished.” But at Aajol, a preschool and daycare in Pune a child with same behaviour is told in a calm manner that “The shouting is disturbing everyone and is hurting my ears. Let’s speak softly.”
When we threaten the child repeatedly, the child connects with fear repeatedly. At Aajol we explain things to the child repeatedly, the child learns repeatedly, this is what makes Aajol one of the best preschool in Pune. We understand that threatening might LOOK effective in the short run but will have serious consequences for the future of the child. The explanation has the potential to be effective in the long run.
Note: Boundaries are to be held firmly if gentle explanations don’t work. This can be done without threatening the child. Eg. If the child is shouting at the restaurant & even after taking the gentle approach, the child does not stop then parent may explain to the child that if the child doesn’t stop, the parent will have to take the child outside so that others are not disturbed in the public space. Note that the intention here is not to threaten the child so that the child will alter their behaviour but the intention is to create a practical solution.
Activity:
- Observe and identify if threats are a part of your methods to get the child to do what the child needs to do.
- Ask yourself, “How can I get the child to do what the child needs to do without inducing fear in the child’s mind?”
- Once you focus on this question, you will begin to notice objective explanations and teaching opportunities in more and more situations.