Chapter 8:
Just as Badgerstripe was about to go hunting alone, Aspenglow approached him. "Can we go for a walk?" His father asked. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about..."
Badgerstripe swallowed nervously. What did Aspenglow want? Had his father found out about his relationship with Stoneskip?
He hoped his anxiety wasn't present in his tone as he replied. "Sure! Let's go, then."
Aspenglow padded out of the camp alongside him, leading him down the winding path to the pond, where he sat and gestured for Badgerstripe to sit next to him.
"Alright," Aspenglow began, "You know that I love you, right? More than anything."
Badgerstripe nodded, confused. "Of course I know that."
"And you know that raising you as my son has meant everything to me, I'm so proud to be a part of your life in the way that I am. But there's something I've kept a secret from you, and I think it's time that I finally tell you the truth. Badgerstripe..." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I am not your father, and Honeyshine is not your mother, either. She died before you were even born."
Badgerstripe felt as though the air had been knocked from his lungs, and he was frozen to the spot. "What?" It was a cruel joke. It had to be. Aspenglow was his father! Aspenglow had to be his father!
"I'm so sorry," Aspenglow whispered, "Maybe I should have told you sooner. I wanted to tell you the day you became a warrior, but I didn't want to ruin your special day, so—"
Badgerstripe shook his head. "No. You're lying. You have to be lying." He had to believe that this was a cruel joke. Otherwise, his whole life was a lie, and...
"I'm not," Aspenglow whispered gently. "Why do you think you have such an aversion to water, whilst myself and Honeyshine loved swimming so much? How do you think you're stocky and broad-shouldered while I'm small like I am? Why do you think you look so different to me, black and white with thick fur while my fur is short and brown? Why do you think I don't like talking about Honeyshine with you? It's because I'm worried that I'll accidentally slip up and say something about how she's not your mother."
"You lied to me!" Badgerstripe's voice was hoarse with grief. "You let me grow up believing that I was your son! How could you do this?" He had never felt so angry and upset in all his moons of living.
Aspenglow seemed taken aback. "Please, don't shout. I couldn't be prouder of you if you truly were my kin."
"Who else knows!?" Badgerstripe yowled, "Who else have you lied to!?"
Aspenglow hung his head. "Nobody. The rest of the Clan know."
Badgerstripe's jaw dropped, and a screech ripped from his throat. "The entirety of PondClan have let me believe a lie for all these moons? Even Torntail? Even Clouddapple, and Dawnclaw?" He felt a stab in his heart as he added, "Even Echodawn and Eagleshine?"
Aspenglow shook his head. "Well, not Echodawn and Eagleshine. They were too young to remember your days as a kit. But the rest of the Clan do know your true identity."
Badgerstripe felt hot tears prick at his eyes. Not only had his father—no, Aspenglow—lied to him for moons, but every other cat in the Clan had too. Why had nobody told him? Why had they all hid it from him?
"Then..." His voice cracked as he voiced a question he wasn't even sure that he wanted to know the answer to. "Then who are my parents?"
Aspenglow stayed silent, his expression unreadable.
"Who are my parents!?" Badgerstripe repeated angrily. "Tell me! Am I even a Clan cat at all?"
With a yowl, he lunged at Aspenglow, pinning him against the soft grass, and Aspenglow let out a screech of distress. "Stop! No, please stop! I'll tell you, just calm down!"
Without another word, Badgerstripe leapt up and took off running.
"Wait! Badgerstripe, where are you going?" Aspenglow asked.
Badgerstripe felt tears spill out as he ran. "To find out the truth! How can I trust that the answer you'll give me isn't another lie!?"
Aspenglow stammered. "No, Badgerstripe, please! I never wanted for this to happen! I—I love you! I always have, whether you're my actual son or not, I've always—"
Badgerstripe whirled around. "Stop talking nonsense, stop trying to convince me that you love me when you don't! I—I hate you! I never want to look at you, or speak to you again! If I never see you again it'll be too soon!"
And he continued running, leaving Aspenglow behind to watch in shock. He knew exactly where he had to go: to the Starry Cave. He would ask StarClan who his real parents were, and get the answer he desired. It was the only way.
***
He finally arrived at the Starry Cave, bursting through the entrance and lapping up the cold water. Ice seized his muscles and in a heartbeat his eyes fluttered shut and the world went dark.
When he opened them again, he was at Starview Stones. Up ahead, he saw Aspenglow, walking alone. Badgerstripe opened his mouth to say something, but instantly knew that Aspenglow would not be able to hear him, and that he was just watching a vision from the past.
He heard a rustle up ahead and there was movement from a bush. He unsheathed his claws, worried that a MeadowClan warrior was about to appear, when he saw a tiny, scared kit tumbling towards him.
He took a closer look at the kit's black and white fur, and his green eyes, and with a sickeningly cold realisation, he realised that the kit was him.
"Help!" The kit squeaked. "My mother! She's been asleep for ages now! And she won't wake up!"
Aspenglow spoke. "Er...can you tell me where she is?"
The kit nodded and took off, running as fast as his tiny little paws could carry him, and Badgerstripe realised that he was heading towards Twolegplace.
He led Aspenglow to a small twoleg nest, and Badgerstripe followed. Inside it lay a grey kittypet with a purple collar on, and she lay unmoving on the ground. It was painstakingly obvious that she had died, but Badgerstripe watched his tiny self press against her. "She's so cold...why isn't she waking up?"
Aspenglow took a tentative step forward, curling his tail around the kit. "It's alright, little one. I'm so sorry, but your mother...she isn't going to wake up. She's gone to a special place where she can rest peacefully, forever."
Badgerstripe saw the pain on his own face. "I'll be able to visit her, won't I?"
Aspenglow gave a small shake of his head. "No. But she'll be okay. There'll be other cats there to look after her."
Badgerstripe saw himself shaking his head. "But I want to be with her! After father left us, she promised she'd always stay with me! Please, you have to tell her to come back!" He wailed.
Aspenglow pulled Badgerstripe against him. "Please don't cry, little one. There's a cat in my life who I lost recently too. Her name was Honeyshine." Aspenglow's voice broke. "And she's resting somewhere now. She had to chase the light somewhere that I can't go. But I know that I'll see her again one day, just like you'll see your mother again someday. But until then, you can come with me, alright? I can take care of you, little one. I promise I'll take care of you."
Badgerstripe watched as he nuzzled against Aspenglow. "I'm so tired..." He murmured, his little eyes closing, and heartbeats later, he was asleep.
Aspenglow touched his nose to Badgerstripe's head. "We've both lost someone we love, and we both need someone to help us. I won't leave you, I never will. I'll be your father, and I'll stay beside you for as long as I can, Badgerkit..."
Aspenglow closed his eyes, and Badgerstripe had so many thoughts strike him.
I'm a kittypet, he thought hopelessly, I'm not even a real Clan cat!
But the main thought was how had Honeyshine died? He had been told all his life that the she-cat had died giving birth to Badgerstripe, but that was clearly untrue. So, what had happened?
When Badgerstripe opened his eyes again, he realised that he was in the MeadowClan camp. Cats were gathered around a small den, and at the entrance to it were two cats.
Badgerstripe instantly recognised Aspenglow, Aspenpaw back then, and next to him was a beautiful golden she-cat that he deduced was Honeypaw.
They were the size of warriors, but Badgerstripe knew that they had been kept as apprentices until they had escaped MeadowClan.
He noticed Cinderstar, who was still Cinderscratch back then, and a large brown, green-eyed tom who he guessed was Snailstar.
"We have made a decision on what to do with you both." He growled. "You," He flicked his tail at Honeypaw, "Have proved yourself to be a capable fighter. You, on the other paw," He gestured to Aspenpaw, "Are a clumsy, worthless piece of fox-dung."
Badgerstripe unsheathed his claws, preparing to leap at Snailstar for speaking that way about Aspenpaw before realising he could make no difference.
"So, Honeypaw. We have one last test for you, to prove that you're worth keeping here. Pass it, and we will allow you to become a MeadowClan warrior. Your test is to kill this useless lump of fur!" He nodded towards Aspenpaw, and Badgerstripe felt his heart turn to stone.
Honeypaw met Snailstar's gaze without flinching. "Not for anything in the world. I know in my heart that I am already Honeyshine. I don't care if it means I have to rot in the prison for the rest of my days, I will not do a thing you say after what you have put us through, and I will not lay a claw on Aspenglow!"
Badgerstripe watched in confusion. They were still apprentices, why were they referring to each other as warriors? But then it hit him. The two of them had already chosen their warrior names, because they were truly warriors by now.
Snailstar purred with wicked laughter. "So you defy me, then?"
Honeyshine responded without hesitation. "Yes."
Snailstar nodded. "Very well." He turned to the Clan. "Kill her."
Badgerstripe stood in horror as MeadowClan cats lunged for Honeyshine. One held Aspenglow back to stop him from rushing over to help, while other cats began to attack the wailing she-cat.
He noticed that some of them seemed reluctant, like they knew how wrong it was, but under the rule of their Clan leader, they had no choice.
There's always a choice! Badgerstripe thought grimly. Don't choose death!
But it was hopeless. They weren't willing to give her an easy death, but instead kept her held down with a paw while inflicting wound after wound, while she could do nothing but screech in pain.
They clawed at her, swiped at her, bit her, hurt her until her golden fur could hardly be seen beneath all of the blood. She thrashed, desperately trying to get free, but they kept her pinned.
Badgerstripe glanced at Aspenglow, who had no choice but to watch in horror. He tried to get free from the tom who was holding him back, but it was no use.
A grey she-cat clawed at Honeyshine's eyes and she yelped in pain. "I can't see!" She yowled. "Why can't I see?"
Badgerstripe gasped. They had blinded her. He wanted to run, but he felt stuck to the spot and could not turn away.
"Please!" Honeyshine was wailing. "I can't feel my body! Everything hurts! Please, stop!" She wasn't even begging for mercy, she was begging for death, begging for the only way that her pain could end.
After what felt like an eternity, a black and white tom lifted a single claw and slowly—as though relishing the moment, wanting to make her pain last as long as possible—tore her throat out.
Snailstar nodded with approval. "Well done. We will have a quick Clan meeting to discuss who is attending the Gathering tonight."
All of the cats came to listen to his words, and now that he had a chance, Aspenglow rushed forward, gripping Honeyshine's lifeless body between his teeth and running. He was fleeing, he was finally free from the prison he had been kept in for moons.
But he would never truly be free. His time in MeadowClan had given him so much trauma, and after seeing Honeyshine's gruesome death for himself, Badgerstripe finally understood why.
He watched as Aspenglow dragged Honeyshine's body behind him as he ran. He could have easily left her there, to give himself a better chance at escaping, but he didn't. He didn't give up on her.
Feeling numb and dizzy, Badgerstripe's eyes shut, and when he opened them again he was back in his own camp.
Shiverstar was perched on the leader's branch and began to speak. "We are beyond grateful to have Aspenpaw back with us, and mark my words, MeadowClan will pay for what they have done. But first, we have something to attend to. Aspenpaw, after what you have endured over the past few moons, you are the true epitome of a warrior. In honour of your bravery and endurance, I hereby name you Aspenheart, and—"
Aspenglow shook his head. "I have already chosen my own name, with a special, personal reason behind it. So if it is alright with you, I wish to be known as Aspenglow."
Shiverstar seemed confused, but smiled and nodded. "Very well. From this moment onwards you will be known as Aspenglow."
Before the Clan could cheer his name, Aspenglow continued. "And even though she is no longer with us, I would like for Honeypaw to have her warrior name, Honeyshine. She chose it back in MeadowClan, and I said that my name should be Aspenglow. Because 'glow' and 'shine' mean similar things, and we wanted to have matching names. So, if it's alright with you..."
Shiverstar purred. "Very well. Even though she has passed on, we will not refer to her as Honeypaw when telling stories of her bravery, but instead we will acknowledge her as Honeyshine, the warrior she truly is."
"Aspenglow! Honeyshine! Aspenglow! Honeyshine!" PondClan cheered.
Shiverstar continued to speak. "Aspenglow, you may place Honeyshine's body in the Path Of Stars so she can ascend to StarClan."
Aspenglow dipped his head. "I have one last request. I would like for Honeyshine to be buried instead, so that I can visit her each day. I know it is going against Clan tradition, and that you may not wish for it to happen, and if you don't, I understand completely. But I just figured it was worth asking."
Badgerstripe found it surprising that Aspenglow was speaking so proudly and confidently in front of the whole Clan, without even flinching. Being able to do that was certainly out of character for the tom, but he clearly loved Honeyshine so much that thinking about her was enough to empower him so that he could speak up, loud and clear.
Shiverstar thought for a moment. "That sounds like a lovely idea, and I see no problem in allowing it to happen. However, we will have a vote. Whilst it is clear that you love Honeyshine very much, she still has other family and friends who may wish for her to be placed in the stream."
Aspenglow nodded weakly, and a she-cat spoke up, and Badgerstripe recognised Mistletooth. "I think she should be put in the stream. I loved my mate, but when she died, I didn't ask for Clan customs to be changed! I didn't ask for history to be rewritten! Cats have been sent off this way for moons. I don't see why that should be changed for one cat."
A few other cats murmured their agreement, and Shiverstar cut in. "I see where you're coming from. I think Aspenglow wanting to visit her each day is a sweet, noble wish that should be granted. And as Honeyshine's older sister, I am okay with it."
Mistletooth shrank backwards, cursing under her breath.
"If I may," an unfamiliar gentle she-cat spoke up, "I'd like to draw your attention to something. A PondClan cat being placed in the Path Of Stars is how they ascend to StarClan. They follow the Path Of Stars and it leads them to their ancestors. If Honeyshine is not placed there, what if she is unable to go to StarClan? What if her very soul lies trapped forever, underneath the ground?"
Other cats whispered in hushed voices, some agreeing, some not.
Another she-cat spoke up, one with fur the colour of bracken. "As Honeyshine's mother, I am willing to let Aspenglow's request be granted. I too like the idea of visiting her burial place every once in a while to pay my respects."
A black tom leaned against her. "I agree, Heathernose. Honeyshine was my daughter, and it was clear that even as an apprentice, she was fond of Aspenglow and loved him very much. I think she would be honoured and touched for him to want to visit her."
Badgerstripe recognised a voice, and saw Torntail speaking. "I think we should let her be buried. When kits and apprentices are listening to stories about Honeyshine and her courage, it would be a nice idea to be able to bring them to her burial place to see where the brave warrior lays."
Baystar, Bayspring back then, spoke up, tail lashing. "And what, teach them that it's okay for the code to be changed? For Clan customs that have existed for moons to just be ignored?"
Aspenglow flattened his ears against his head. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't intend to cause trouble or start a fight. I...I just w-wanted..." He mumbled anxiously.
Shiverstar cleared her throat. "We're going to argue for moons if we don't come to a decision soon. All in favour of Honeyshine being buried, stand on that side of the camp."
Torntail placed her tail on Aspenglow's shoulders and they walked over to the side of the camp that Shiverstar had gestured to. They were joined moments later by Shiverstar herself, who hopped down from the Great Willow, and by Honeyshine's parents, Heathernose and Sootwhisker. Slowly, more cats went to join them, and soon it was clear that the majority of the Clan sided with Aspenglow.
Shiverstar dipped her head. "Very well. I will go with Aspenglow, Heathernose and Sootwhisker to bury Honeyshine. Our decision is made. This is the only time a Clan member will be buried, as it is a special instance, but will not happen again. The Clan meeting is dismissed."
Badgerstripe's head spun, and moments later he was in a clearing, and the grass was soft beneath his paws. Honeyshine was standing before him. "Hello, Badgerstripe. Have all your questions been answered?" She asked gently.
He didn't know what to say as he gazed at the beautiful she-cat before him, the cat who he had believed was his mother for so long.
"I...I don't know. I'm still really confused."
Honeyshine nodded. "That's understandable, of course. Alright, let me lay things out for you: I died before you were born, as you saw, and poor Aspenglow was lonelier than ever. See, he and I...had discussed having kits in our future. We both knew in our hearts that the chances of us both getting out of MeadowClan alive were unlikely, but us planning our future together kept us sane. What he didn't know was that...when I died...I was expecting his kits."
Badgerstripe felt a thorn pierce his heart as he watched two small kits come out from behind Honeyshine, a white she-kit with icy blue eyes and a golden she-kit with green eyes. "The white one is Shimmerkit. The golden one is Sparkkit." She explained.
Badgerstripe imagined the life that Aspenglow and Honeyshine could have had together. With a jolt he realised that he could have been raised not only by Aspenglow, but by Honeyshine too, alongside her kits. He could have had littermates to play with. They could have been his sisters.
But Honeyshine continued speaking before his daydreams could continue. "So when he found you, you were the kit he could have had. He took you in out of the kindness of his heart, but also because he had always wanted to be a father. The Clan allowed it, and Eagleshine's mother, Lilylight, suckled you until you could eat solid foods. Aspenglow had always planned on telling you the truth, and kindly asked the Clan to keep your identity a secret so that he could be the one to break the news to you when the time came. He loves you very much, you know. You may not be his kit by blood, but he does view you as a son. He never meant to hurt you."
Badgerstripe knew it was true, and he felt a sickening wave of guilt crash over him for screaming at Aspenglow the way he had. Aspenglow was his father, he would always be Badgerstripe's father.
"I love him too. I'll go and apologise to him, I'll make things right. I swear it by StarClan."
Honeyshine gave him a nod.
"Do you...have a message you would like me to pass on to him?" Badgerstripe asked.
Honeyshine's whiskers twitched. "StatClan cats aren't usually meant to use the living to send messages. Though I suppose it would do no harm. Just let him know that I'm so proud of him, and that I love him more than words alone can ever truly convey."
Badgerstripe nodded. "Would you like me to tell him about Shimmerkit and Sparkkit?" He asked gently, to which Honeyshine shook her head.
"He'll meet them for himself one day." She mewed softly.
Badgerstripe nodded in understanding. "Can I just ask one last question?" He whispered.
Honeyshine dipped her head. "You may."
"How did you really feel about being buried instead of being placed in the Path Of Stars?" He asked, thinking back to the vision he had witnessed.
Honeyshine responded instantly. "I was more than okay with it. I know traditions are important, but I loved the fact that my friends and family and Clanmates still had a way to feel close to me after I had passed away. There's also the fact that Aspenglow came out of his shell and asked for me to be buried in the first place. He never, ever spoke in front of the whole Clan, and if he had to, he'd shake the whole time. He was always so skittish and anxious. So for him to hold Shiverstar's gaze and speak like that in front of the whole Clan...it proves how much he loved me, to be able to find his voice for me like that. I was so touched that he had the courage to do that for me, even if he was shaking on the inside, he didn’t show it." She explained.
Badgerstripe blinked sadly. "He loves you so much, you know. He never stops talking about you, and he hasn't ever stopped missing you."
Honeyshine sighed. "I know that. I can't wait until I see him again, but I wish for him to continue living life to the fullest until we can be united once more. Is there anything else that you wish to know?"
Badgerstripe glanced sheepishly at his paws. Should he ask for advice about whether or not he should join CaveClan to be with Stoneskip? Or would Honeyshine, a loyal, brave warrior, look down on him for ever thinking about abandoning his Clan?
"Well, I'm in a difficult situation. I'm in love with Stoneskip, who's a warrior of CaveClan, and I—"
Honeyshine purred with amusement. "StarClan have been watching you. We know of your relationship with Stoneskip."
Badgerstripe felt his face grow hot. "But what should I do? I love my Clan, but I love Stoneskip too. One of the things holding me back from leaving was the fact that I was born a PondClan warrior, but now that I know that isn't true..."
Honeyshine gazed at him, wisdom reflected in the emerald depths of her eyes. "How much are you willing to sacrifice for the one you love? I was willing to sacrifice my life for the one I loved, and I've never regretted it. But would you be happy with a decision like that? You must listen to your heart. StarClan have power and wisdom, but a cat's destiny rests in their own paws, and only their actions can change that, not us. Your fate lies within your heart, Badgerstripe. So listen to your heart, and follow it wherever you may go."
Badgerstripe felt a million questions flood his mind. "But I don't know what my heart is telling me! I feel like I'm being torn in two! My heart is conflicted, and no matter what choice I make, it will hurt myself and others! Please, you've got to tell me more."
Honeyshine shook her head, her voice growing fainter, and Badgerstripe realised that he had begun to fade away. "I'm sorry," She whispered, "But I have told you all that I can. May StarClan light your path, Badgerstripe."
And then Badgerstripe was engulfed in blackness once more.
When he opened his eyes, he scrambled instantly to his paws, struck with determination. He had to go and apologise to Aspenglow. He had said such horrible things, and he needed to make everything right.
When he left the Starry Cave, he realised that the sun had set already, and that he had been gone for ages. He broke into a run, darting across the Thunderpath just before a monster roared past, filling Badgerstripe's nostrils with its acrid scent.
He continued running, still dazed from everything he had seen. He couldn't believe that he had been born a kittypet. He couldn't believe what Snailstar had made his Clan do to Honeyshine. He couldn't believe how confident Aspenglow had been, speaking in front of the whole Clan like that.
As Badgerstripe arrived at the pond, he immediately knew that something was horribly wrong. There was blood smeared on the grass, and dog scent clung to the air.
Terrified, Badgerstripe burst through the camp entrance, his heart pounding louder and faster than ever.
The Clan were gathered around an unmoving heap in the centre of the clearing, and Badgerstripe swore that his heart stopped as he shoved his way in to see Aspenglow, his body lifeless on the ground.
Chapter 9:
"No!"
Badgerstripe heard a wail and realised that it had come from his own throat. He flung himself down next to Aspenglow, his body turning to stone. "No, no, no..."
Torntail was next to him, her grief palpable.
"What happened?" Badgerstripe managed to force out.
Torntail gave a heavy sigh. "I was out hunting when I saw him, lying on the ground, covered in blood. I thought he was dead at first, but he was still breathing. I got him back to camp, and Doewish and Featherpaw did all that they could, but...it was no use. Why was he out on his own, anyway? I thought you were with him?"
Other cats turned to Badgerstripe, awaiting his response, and Badgerstripe could hardly breathe. It was all his fault. If he hadn't run off like that, he would have been able to defend Aspenglow, but now...
"He admitted to me that I'm not his kit. I felt so angry and betrayed, and I ran off. I should have stayed with him..." He choked out.
Doewish blinked sympathetically. "That explains why the last thing he said before he died was 'Tell Badgerstripe that I love him and that I'm sorry. Regardless of the fact that he's not my kit by blood, every word I've ever said to him about how much I love him as my son has been true.' I had no idea why he was saying all of that, but it makes sense now."
Realisation hit Badgerstripe, and he wanted to wail like a kit. Aspenglow had died thinking that Badgerstripe had meant all of those horrible things he had said to him. The last thing Badgerstripe had ever said to Aspenglow was "If I never see you again it'll be too soon," and Aspenglow had died believing that.
How could Badgerstripe ever forgive himself? Aspenglow had died, and it was all his fault!
"I-it’s my fault..." He whined. "I should have been there..."
Torntail sighed, placing her tail on his shoulders. "The past is in the past. Nothing can change his fate now."
Badgerstripe had wanted for her to calm him down, to say "That's not true, Badgerstripe, don't blame yourself."
But of course she wouldn't say that, Badgerstripe thought grimly, Because I should blame myself. It is my fault...
How could he ever look his Clanmates in the eyes again, when they knew that he was to blame for the death of such a beloved and respected warrior?
Baystar hopped up onto the Great Willow, starting to speak. "Aspenglow was a kind cat, so helpful and wise. He had such a troubled past but never gave up. We will certainly all mourn his loss for many moons to come. Badgerstripe, would you like to place his body in the Path Of Stars?"
Badgerstripe felt his eyes widen. Aspenglow wouldn't want that! He had told Aspenglow how much he hated him, how he never wanted to see him again, Aspenglow was dead because of him! Why would Aspenglow want to be placed in the stream by Badgerstripe now?
Torntail spoke up. "I'm aware that this may spark debate, but I think that he should be buried alongside Honeyshine."
Whispers and murmurs broke out from every cat. Some sounded angry, some sounded happy, and Badgerstripe watched them all. Some cats were bristling, tails lashing, while others were nodding in agreement.
Baystar narrowed his eyes. "I'm not sure we should." He muttered coldly. Badgerstripe recalled that Baystar had been one of the cats who were against Honeyshine being buried.
Badgerstripe took a deep breath. "He loved Honeyshine more than life itself. He should be able to be with her once again. And I..." His voice broke. "I'd like to visit him each day like he did with her. Maybe then, he'll forgive me in StarClan. Maybe then, he won't hate me for leaving him, and for...all the horrible things I said to him."
Dawnclaw spoke up. "We should have a vote like we did with Honeyshine, Baystar. It's the fairest way. I know you may not want to bury Aspenglow, but as the leader, you need to put the wants of your Clan above your own."
Baystar snarled. "If I recall correctly," He snapped sarcastically, "I'm the one standing on the leader's branch of the Great Willow. Not you. So don't go telling me how to lead my Clan!"
Dawnclaw's fur bristled, but she didn't say anything else, just lashed her tail while her mate, Rippleshade, whispered something in her ear.
Baystar finally sighed. "We'll have a vote, then. All in favour of Aspenglow being placed in the Path Of Stars, following Clan tradition, continuing what our ancestors have always done with their Clanmates, step forward."
Mistletooth stepped forward, alongside Berrybush and some other cats, but the rest of the Clan stayed still.
Badgerstripe heard Baystar growl, but he dipped his head. "Fine. Badgerstripe, Torntail, go and bury him with Honeyshine. The Clan meeting is dismissed."
Badgerstripe padded over to Torntail, gripping his father's lifeless body, and noted to himself that even if Aspenglow and his Clanmates did forgive him, he would never truly be able to forgive himself.
***
Later that night, he darted across the Thunderpath to see Stoneskip, and Stoneskip instantly knew that something was wrong.
"Are you alright?" He asked hurriedly, "What happened?"
Badgerstripe sank down against the old stump. "Today, Aspenglow told me that...he's not my father." He started.
Stoneskip gasped, eyes wide. "What? Then...who is?"
Badgerstripe could hardly find the strength to continue. Sudden realisation struck him, and he worried that Stoneskip would think less of him and may even stop loving him if he found out that his mate was born a kittypet.
"I don't even know," He mewed dejectedly, "I'm a kittypet."
Stoneskip took in a sharp breath. "Are you sure?"
Badgerstripe couldn't look his mate in the eye. "I snuck out to the Starry Cave to ask StarClan for answers, and they showed me my mother. She was a grey kittypet, with a collar and everything. I...I'm not even a proper warrior. I'm just a useless kittypet."
Stoneskip answered without hesitation. "Don't you dare say that, mouse-brain, because none of it is true. You're a warrior: you can hunt and fight as well as any cat, Clanborn or not. You've already proven that to your Clanmates...you've already proven that to me. And don't forget it."
Badgerstripe nodded. "That's reassuring, thanks. But...that's not even why I'm so upset. I was so angry and betrayed that I said awful things before I ran off to the Starry Cave. Then, when I came back, I came to my father lying dead in the middle of the camp! He's dead, Stoneskip! He's dead and I could have been there to protect him! But I wasn't, and he's dead because of me! And the worst part is that the last thing I told him was that I never wanted to see him again. But I got my wish, because I won't ever see him again! He's gone and I'm to blame! And he died believing I meant all those awful things I said! I didn’t! I was just angry and hurt, and now he thinks I hate him! I just wish he knew that I didn't mean it!" He wailed.
Stoneskip leaned against him. "He knows, Badgerstripe. He knows you didn't mean it. He knew you so well, and he knows you would never mean anything like that. He knows you regret running away like that."
Badgerstripe forced back his tears. "But my Clan don't. They don't understand me like you do. No cat does. And that's why I've decided I'm joining you in CaveClan."
Stoneskip gasped and a look of delight crossed his face before it was quickly replaced by uncertainty. "Are you sure that's what you want?"
Badgerstripe wasn't sure, not fully. He loved his Clan so much, and didn't know if he loved Stoneskip enough to leave. But, for the sake of his Clanmates, he had to leave. They'd be better off without a useless kittypet, responsible for the death of such a kind and understanding cat.
"You know you don't have to if you aren't comfortable with it. I get that it would be a huge change..." Stoneskip continued.
"One I'm willing to make. I can't look any PondClan warrior in the eyes again. They know that I-I abandoned Aspenglow. They also know that I was born a kittypet, and even if no cat has ever told me directly, I can tell that not every cat is happy about that. It explains why some cats in the Clan have always been cold and distant to me, how they often don't think I'm good enough, how some cats made a fuss of the fact that I always hated water, how Clouddapple always pushed me so hard, harder than the other apprentices. But CaveClan...they don't know about my background. They never knew that Aspenglow and Honeyshine were taken by MeadowClan, and therefore they don't know that Honeyshine died before I was born. As far as they know, I'm a true Clan cat, so it'll be nice to have a fresh start with cats who—"
Stoneskip cut in. "Badgerstripe, you're already a true Clan cat. Please believe that!"
Badgerstripe only nodded weakly. He didn't believe it, he didn't believe it at all.
"I'd love to have you with me in CaveClan, you know that." Stoneskip meowed gently and lovingly. "I'd love nothing more than to fall asleep by your side each night, and to wake up next to you every morning. I'd love nothing more than to hunt and patrol with you, to teach you the ways of CaveClan, to call you my Clanmate...to call you my mate, and be able to be open about that."
Thinking of it all, Badgerstripe felt happiness course through him. Then Stoneskip continued. "But only if it's what you want. Only if you're willing to give up everyone and everything you've ever known. Especially Eagleshine and Echodawn. You'll miss them, and they'll miss you."
Badgerstripe thought for a moment. Was he willing to do that? He didn't know the answer. He didn't really want to leave PondClan behind. But this was the best thing he could do. He'd get his life with Stoneskip, and his Clanmates would be happy without the useless kittypet who caused Aspenglow's death. It was better this way. And Eagleshine and Echodawn wouldn't miss him. They had their own mates now, and Eagleshine had a family. And besides that, even if they didn't have mates or kits, they'd still be distant to Badgerstripe and act like he wasn't there.
"Of course that's what I want, minnow-brain!" Badgerstripe purred, leaning against him.
"But you do realise that this won't be easy, right? You'll have to train to learn the ways of CaveClan, like climbing trees and stuff. You'll have to get used to eating squirrels, birds and mice rather than fish. And..." Stoneskip looked at his paws. "Not every cat will be happy about this. Willowtail and Kestrelclaw, and Foxwhisker and Owltalon will be kind and welcoming to you. But not every cat in CaveClan will be. You know all this, don't you?"
Badgerstripe nodded. "I know. But I'm willing to do this. For you."
Stoneskip's eyes shone with happiness and love, and he began to speak. "Take some more time to think, if you'd like. There's no rush at all."
Badgerstripe blinked gratefully. "Thank you. I should probably get going now. So, three days?"
Stoneskip purred lovingly. "Three days."
As Badgerstripe parted from Stoneskip he felt happier than he had in days. His paws were as light as feathers as he skipped across the Thunderpath and back to his territory. He felt so free, so happy, so loved.
And it was all ruined when he heard a low growl and turned to his left to see two vicious eyes glinting at him through the bushes.
The dog launched itself out of the bushes, bearing its teeth and snarling, and Badgerstripe realised with a jolt that this was the dog who had killed Aspenglow.
If it had been any of his Clanmates, he would have wanted to shred it anyway. But it had been Aspenglow of all cats, the cat who had given Badgerstripe so much.
So he unsheathed his claws and met his attacker head on, the need to avenge his father drowning out any sort of fear or worry he would have about facing such a horrible foe.
