NOMAD DOC315255-K

via MERLIN [Schedule D]

Source: superfans.bossboards.com (see attached incident report)

 

Main > The Big City > Exclusives

Subj: IT’S HERE! Grimoire Gal Q&A! 

by MegablastX

October 9, 3:13pm

 

It’s a bad day to be a naysayer! [grincape] [megaphone] [megaphone] [bigsigns]

Grimoire Gal is here on the boards with us, and she has generously agreed to answer a few of our questions! Anyone who has a question should post it here and she’ll reply on her account. And for the skeptics among you (lookin at you, Tadd) she’ll also be posting a timestamped pic on the same account.

I’m going to be watching this thread closely so behave, boys.

 

__

Subj: photo proof

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 3:17pm

 

[IMG_09103171.png]

Call me Page if you want. it’s not a secret

 

__

Subj: Re: IT’S HERE! Grimoi…

by DemiFriend

October 9, 3:17pm

 

cant wait to see your sister in cosplay lolll [evilgrin]

EDIT: ok nevermind i guess… why are you called grimoire gal?

 

__

Subj: Re: IT’S HERE! Grimoi…

by KiraMike

October 9, 3:18pm

 

Welcome to the forum! We don’t see many registered heroes (or girls [crycape]) on here, so we hope you stick around.

My question is, how does your magic work? Hard or soft? Do you have to do a chant?

 

—

Re: photo proof

by shagge2dupe

October 19, 3:20pm

 

[quote: Grimgal_REAL]

yoooo that your room? crazy haha nice couch do you chill barefoot in your room a lot? pm me if you got more pics

(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST)

 

—

 

[3 posts expunged; questions about Grimoire Gal’s childhood & home life, which go ignored - KM]

 

—

Subj: Re: Re: IT’S HERE! Grim..

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 3:22pm

 

[quote:DemiFriend]

Only child lol. I was lazy. I’m a girl, I have a magic book, nobody else was using the name.

 

[quote:KiraMike]

??? 

fuck is hard and soft? Meg said you guys werent going to be weird lol. There is a chant but you can just say most chants in your head. Guys like Dr Mystery who yell that shit do it because theyr agent said they should it’s all marketing.

 

—

Subj: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE! Gr…

by Yummy_Mummra

October 9, 3:23pm

 

*their

Unlike some people in this thread, I did my homework [brainycape]. Could we ask Ambrose any questions?

 

—

Subj: Re: IT’S HERE! Grimoi…

by GreanSean

October 9, 3:24pm

 

confession time!! I was one of the guys who said you would never show and I was so wrong {homer simpson} mmm… crow… {/homer}

anyway please excuse the behavior of some of our members (mummra) he doesnt like girls lolll

speaking of though. you dating anyone?

 

—

Subj: Re: Re: IT’S HERE! Grim..

by Yummy_Mummra

October 9, 3:24pm

 

[gayestpost.png]

Everyone congratulate Sean for winning this week’s award.

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: IT’S HERE! Grimoi…

by GreanSean

October 9, 3:25pm

 

Grow up.

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 3:29pm

 

[quote:Yummy_Mummra]

so full disclosure ambrose is a complete asshole, he is the grumpiest old man ever and he hates technology. I’ll ask just because I know its going to piss him off but if he says no dont act surprised 

 

[quote: GreanSean]

just had a breakup funny enough, guy was a roadie for nina & the semiautotones and we met at a show

he was hot + had great taste in music but turned out he was a big earth4humans guy so it wasn’t meant to be 

 

__

 

[1 post redacted by MERLIN. Claimed it was “internal policy” & nobody at archive level has access either. Post does not appear to be quoted or referenced elsewhere. - RF]

[9 subsequent posts expunged; user CHUD_Meridian posts a common copy-pasted inside joke in the thread. Other users tell them off, concerned that it will scare off Grimoire Gal. Admin MegablastX delivers official warning to CHUD_Meridian. Other questions are asked, none germane to the investigation. - KM]

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 3:35pm

 

anyway the stars aligned because Ambrose wants to talk to all of you, I’m giving him my phone and I’m gonna take a shower and get some food

will round up some questions quick though

 

[quote:Kaito3990]

The girls are getting me into anime. Hated it before lol. Tried Inuyasha, really liked it. Gundam was boring though, felt like watching someone else work.

 

[quote:rickBLOOD]

Not supposed to listen to music out on patrol but I got an Alien Sex Fiend CD from a friend and I’m really enjoying it

 

[quote:Wyo333ing]

Not sure who you mean. Illusionister died last year and Payload got smacked with excessive force charges because of it. Legerdemain is still alive but in supermax. I never fought either of them but the agency (and Ambrose [vomitcape]) said I should research them. Magic makes people really fucky in the head is all I can say.

 

[quote:0Oldman_Jenkins0]

There’s a console in the house and I played one before but I’m not really a gamer. Always felt like a waste of time to me. The girls love it though, so I get dragged to game night and we all sit around the console talking shit to each other. It can be fun is what I’m saying, just not my thing.

 

[quote:runescimmy404]

Bombshell Memorial. Dropped out. Not much to say, was never good in school.

Anyway if Ambrose is an asshole like I said then just ban me or whatever. You have like an hour before I get back so hold all your questions for me until then

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE! Gr…

by Yummy_Mummra

October 9, 3:37pm

 

That’s very generous of you! We get so many bitter old men on here he’ll fit right in— just kidding!

Ambrose, it’s very nice to meet you! We’ve been having this debate in Wizard’s Corner for months now so I wanted to take the opportunity to consult a real expert. Weaver of Tindalos is on record saying there are 9 spheres of magic corresponding to the 9 moons of Khunda’borei, but Divathi hai-Mu says there are 11, because you have to count Khunda’borei’s two suns. In your opinion, which is it?

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by doorgunner1991

October 9, 3:38pm

 

boring ass q mummra.. ur a massive virg btw

btw on that topic Ambrose when’s the last time you got laid + Do u like fat b*tches

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Yummy_Mummra

October 9, 3:38pm

 

Followup question: how much to put a curse on doorgunner so he stops posting 

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Phrogge

October 9, 3:40pm

 

why did you choose grimnoir gal to teach magic to?

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by DelvemasterZ

October 9, 3:41pm

 

you ever watch the labyrinth? I imagine you as the guy in the labyrinth

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 3:42pm

 

ok had to explain to him how to post on here and I’m posting this as an example now I’m actually going out bye

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 3:45pm

 

I am Ambrosius Aurelius, unequalled among sorcerers. Heed my words well, for once transcribed they hold power beyond your most feverish imaginings.

 

I have been advised to answer questions in the order I read them. Should I deign to answer yours, you will find it below:

First, I have seen many labyrinths in my time, and it is rare that I find any kinship with their makers. I am fondest of the Maze of Kuskiril-Noth, which writhes with the lingering spite of the Irgalkaan slaver-bugs she slaughtered to make it.

 

Next, I presume “grimnoir gal” refers to Page, my student. I will not indulge your absurd fixation on aliases. She was chosen for surviving the failure of a greater wizard; many an apprentice has risen high on the back of their master’s corpse. It is rare, I concede, for the sacrifices of said master to do the same. Rare, but not unheard-of.

 

For the one who seeks to inflict a curse, follow my instructions exactly: mix salt and petroleum jelly into a uniform mass and smear it across a mirror- exact quantities are unnecessary, but it must cover the mirror completely. Next, ensure that the screen of your device displays only the writings of the one you wish to curse. Then, arrange the device and mirror such that the mirror reflects the display of the device, and recite these words:

 

Io-rohi haschaiashin; talbuya rohimin Mu, irfazihun Mu.

 

Next, and with such an impertinent question, I am unsurprised that others here would have cause to ensorcel you. I find my pleasures in planes far beyond this one, amidst beings whose notions of gender are far more developed than ours. Earthly commingling bores me even to think about.

 

As for you, curious one, the question of suns and moons was a trap laid specifically for precocious beings like yourself. The number does not matter, in short, only the configuration of celestial bodies you call upon for power. Any wizard claiming a singular number knows exactly what he is doing; any who follow his techniques in this way become no threat to him, as there is nothing they know or can do which he cannot exceed them in.

 

Khunda’borei has no suns, no moon, no sky at all. It is nearer to us than you realize.

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by DemiFriend

October 9, 3:47pm

 

[quote:Grimgal_REAL]

hard no on fat bitches? scandal!!!

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by DelvemasterZ

October 9, 3:47pm

 

GG was chill but THIS guy talks like he belongs here, you know he was debating with Aristotle on how big Zeus’s muscles are back in the day 

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Kaito3990

October 9, 3:48pm

 

[quote:DelvemasterZ]

dude was playing dungeons and dragons with real dungeons and real dragons

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Yummy_Mummra

October 9, 3:50pm

 

I… genuinely didn’t expect him to answer the curse one.

I’ll be back in a minute.

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by GreanSean

October 9, 3:50pm

 

hey MegaBlastX is it cool all of a sudden to use dark magic on other posters, asking for a friend who’s about to get put in a submission hold by Weaver

 

__

 

[8 posts expunged- irrelevant riffing. Neither Grimoire Gal nor A.:.A.:. make another post during this period - KM]

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by MegablastX

October 9, 4:04pm

 

Hey guys, sorry, need to poke in with mod voice here.

Using harmful magic on other users IS against our policy on violence. A spell is like a loaded gun, if you don’t know what it does don’t point it at someone. That means you, Mummra. You’ll catch a ban and an NCPD report if you did something bad to doorgunner.

 

__

 

[Traffic on #supersfans and associated IRC channels spikes noticeably at this point. Refer to NOMAD DOC315255-G for relevant logs - ZF]

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by brick e lipton

October 9, 4:06pm

 

posting in thread bc this is definitely mummra or dgs supervillain origin story

dgaf about grim reaper girl sorry   

ur friends are hot though

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Wyo333ing

October 9, 4:09pm

 

hey brick have you thought about fucking off back to the Hero Hate thread we made specifically to contain you and people like you, thanks in advance someone might be fucking dead right now and we really don’t need you here

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by brick e lipton

October 9, 4:10pm

 

there is a zero percent chance mummra actually did anything, he’s a pussy 

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by KiraMike

October 9, 4:15pm

 

Mummra isn’t picking up his phone.

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by brick e lipton

October 9, 4:17

 

he’s trying to scare you dude 

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Yummy_Mummra

October 9, 4:28pm

 

it didnt do anything 

i feel weird

sorry if i did

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by KiraMike

October 9, 4:29pm

 

Please pick up your phone or get on IRC, Rod. We’re worried.

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Wyo333ing

October 9, 4:30pm

 

still on the phone with fcpd, said they need to escalate the case to merlin once they verify

mummra if you’re ok and nothing happened i can tell them you’re fine

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 4:32pm

 

jesus fucking christ please tell me you idiots didn’t do a random spell you read online I’m going to go insane 

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Wyo333ing

October 9, 4:32pm

 

How about you lose the negative attitude? This is your fault not his, be a fucking superhero and tell us how we can help him.

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: IT’S HERE…

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 4:33pm

 

I’m looking into it, if he says it didn’t do anything then we’re probably under control

I don’t even know what spell that was, why the fuck would you deliberately cast a curse on someone because a wizard on the internet told you to

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: I’M HERE…

by Yummy_Mummra

NaN NaN, NaN:NaN

 

moons high at night 

mortals fear flight

suns low in mourning

body transforming

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: …

by Grimgal_REAL

October 9, 4:33pm

 

SHIT

 

__

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: …

by doorgunner1991

October 9, 4:40pm

 

2 slow on the draw b*tch ;)

[cowboycape]

 

__

 

[End record]

 

[Endnotes: Yummy_Mummra (Rod Farnsworth, 38) is stable and in MERLIN custody after seizure by NCPD SIGIL division. doorgunner1991 (Lester Kane, 20) is still reported missing by NCPD at time of transcription. Grimoire Gal (Page Ophelia Turner, 20) has been given an official warning by MERLIN and has been forbidden from allowing any entities connected with the Grimoire Ambrosius to access digital communications devices. - BH]