THE HEALTHY
The Benefits of Cuddling
The COVID-19 crisis has reminded us all that humans don’t just crave a hug or a friendly touch. We need it.
BY CHARLOTTE HILTON ANDERSEN
ILLUSTRATIONS BY JAMES STEINBERG
Wellness from THEHEALTHY.COM
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AS A NURSE working on the front line in Denver, 32-year-old Janae Hixson knows a few things about the stress brought about by the pandemic. In addition to all the well-documented strains on healthcare workers, she adds another one: minimal human interaction at work (where she’s wearing PPE all day) and fewer hugs and cuddles at home.
“I always shower and change clothes before I touch the kids. They know the drill now. My daughter will jump up and down and say, ‘Mom, you have hospital germs! Take a shower so we can snuggle!’” she says. Which Hixson does—stat. “Nothing beats hugs and snuggles with my husband and kiddos after a rough shift a the hospital. Cuddling with them on the couch makes me feel instantly happier and calmer.”
As a result of COVID-19 precautions, many of us are part of this secondary epidemic: people who really need a hug. More than half of the 40,000 people who participated in the BBC’s Touch Test, a survey conducted in 112 countries in collaboration with Wellcome Collection, said they didn’t get enough physical interaction: an arm around the shoulder, a sympathetic touch, or a long snuggle. And that was before the pandemic set in By April 2020, as the COVID-related lockdowns were taking effect, that number increased to 60 percent, according to a study published in the Medical Research Archives of the European Society of Medicine. It was true regardless of whether a person lived alone or with others. Health-care professionals have given a name to this condition that is affecting so much of society: touch starvation.
Cuddling and hugging aren’t for everyone, of course. Some people feel uncomfortable when others touch them, though nearly 90 percent of participants in the Touch Test reported liking physical affection from their partners, and 79 percent said they liked it when a friend touched them. That instinct to seek out human touch is more powerful than most o us realize.
“We are born as cuddlers, and we never really outgrow it,” says James Córdova, PhD, a psychology professor and clinical psychologist who directs the Center for Couples and Family Research at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts. “I honestly think cuddling should be among the most basic prescriptions for human flourishing.”
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Touch starvation may sound touchy-feely in the most literal sense, but the idea is supported by hardcore biology. It starts with hormones. “Cuddling increases levels of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and decreases levels of cortisol, the stress hormone,” says Lina Velikova, MD, an immunologist, researcher, and assistant professor at Sofia University in Bulgaria. Those same hormones can affect your cardiovascular system, your sleep, and even your mental health.
“Cuddling activates our parasympathetic nervous system, bringing feelings of calm and ease while settling feelings of anxiety and sadness,” Cordova says. Blood pressure is often linked to stress, so anything that reduces stress can help bring it down. In addition, oxytocin has a protective effect on the heart.
Physical touch is also an essential part of how human beings communicate, according to Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. “Part of the power of physical touch comes from the very fact that it does not involve spoken language,” she says. “Body language is often harder to fake. The act of cuddling implicitly communicates trust and safety in ways you can’t speak.”
And most of us are unaware of the power of touch. People who got regular hugs were less likely to get sick when exposed to a cold virus than people who didn’t get physical affection, according to research published in Psychological Science. Snuggles can even reduce physical pain. Reaching for a loved one’s hand for comfort is a natural reaction. A study published in 2018 in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that this very act can help diminish pain, especially if the person you are touching is someone you feel close to personally. “Even minor physical contact can be beneficial to both of you,” Romanoff says.
Cuddlers and snugglers also sleep better. More than 60 percent of those who responded to the Touch Test survey said a hug from a partner before sleep had a positive effect on their night. The oxytocin triggered by touch helps reduce the fight-or-flight impulses that stress produces, helping you fall asleep faster, Dr. Velikova says. It also aids digestion, making for a more restful sleep.
How to Cuddle
Not all cuddling is created equal, and there’s no one right way to do it. It can be lying next to each other in bed, spooning, or other types of loving touches, Romanoff says. If one way doesn’t feel right, try something else.
Foot rubs, head rubs, back rubs, hand-holding, laying your head on someone’s chest, sitting on a lap or side by side on the couch with legs touching—all these things count. There are even different types of hugs.
For people who aren’t fully comfortable with physical touch and are not accustomed to giving or receiving physical affection, it’s important to start slow, both in the quantity and quality of physical contact. Take the time to find out what you like, what your hug-partner likes, and what your friends and loved ones enjoy. “Learn to speak their physical love language,” Romanoff says.
Don’t focus solely on snuggling with your partner. Children are natural cuddlers, and appropriate cuddling between parents and kids is essential to development, teaches kids about good physical boundaries, and helps form tight, loving bonds.
“Parents need to hold their kids in their arms,” Dr. Velikova says. “Even a gentle pat on the hand or forehead can do wonders. While doing it, say something loving to increase your kids’ sense of security and warmth.”
You can also look beyond humans to meet your cuddling needs. Pets are awesome snuggle buddies. There’s a reason why therapy animals exist—petting and loving animals can help you feel better. This can be especially important for people who don’t have a human companion to cuddle with.
Hixson gave birth at the beginning of the pandemic, which added another layer of stress, responsibility, and worry. However, the new little one has been a blessing to the whole family, in part because of her need to be held and cuddled often. “Baby snuggles are the best medicine,” she says. ■