The delighting pixy dust called sexual desire. Natural, Effortless, Transcendent, Spontaneous. We've got all fallen for it—hook, line, and sinker. However, what happens when the fairy tale and reality collide? Low sexual desire is a frequent challenge among women. We do not have a good handle on the real numbers because intense desire is defined differently. Frankly, I don't devote a lot of energy to ascertain how many women experience difficulties with passion because I work with individuals. If a woman is sitting in my office because her sexual appetite is less than she thinks or wishes it was, the numbers are immaterial. It is all about her and her distinctive experience. Women and health care providers alike crave a straightforward explanation for low desire. And it would be awesome if passion could be wrapped up in a pretty, neat little box of alternatives. Sexual desire is fascinating, rich, complicated, and messy. This is why I love what I do. As you won't find a silver bullet here, I will offer five keys I think all people should think about when our sexual desire is getting in the way of their sensual experiences we long for.
1. I am normal
Why do I think my passion is abnormal? Is it because we've been told that thirst is spontaneous? Is our level of desire different from our spouses or our friends? Is the most advanced magazine cover telling us that we have a desire problem? There are different types of desire -- spontaneous and responsive. Both are normal. It happens to about 15 percent of women. Responsive desire is the desire that shows around the party after sexy things are already happening --"hey, this is fun, I'd like more of the" kind-of-thing. This occurs for 30 percent of women. If you encounter a responsive desire to pleasurable conditions, you are normal. You do not have a desire issue. It's common to have different levels of passion, at other times, then a partner. It is a discrepancy of desire. While not abnormal, need differences between partners may harm relationships and might require some navigation skills. A lacking desire for dissatisfying sex is normal. Does sex, please you? Are your needs being met? The majority of us will be interested in repeating experiences we like and finding pleasure in. It's not about forcing ourselves to like something, but producing the sex, we wish to desire.
- Cultivating the magic
Cultivating the magic rather than waiting for the sexual urge to fall upon us like pixy dust, we can cultivate the magic of desire in ourselves. Yes, it takes preparation and application -- but what numerous things in our entities don't? What is it that you want to desire? I suspect it can be more than the physical experience of sex -- of choosing an orgasm. In reality, I encourage that! Knowing what we want to want is a reasonably good start to getting where we would like to be. Think big. Be bold. Do you wish to beg for physical touch, positive emotions, romantic connection, sexual self-esteem, empowerment, or the absence of shame? Let us handle what you genuinely want. Improving sexual desire is like studying something new, building a new skill, and gaining interest. It requires a certain amount of immersion -- may be in the form of reading novels, watching YouTube videos, practicing, or spending time with and learning from others with a shared interest. When we scatter something new during our life and take time to develop a fire, we find we consider it more. We may "spontaneously" locate desire. When sexual desire is now our computer screen that has "gone to sleep" -- we will need to move the mouse. It may not be magic. But that does not mean we cannot unearth a desire for fun, bond, affection, and self-worth.
- Take good care of yourself
Taking care of you what leads to health and wellbeing is also suitable for sexual wellbeing. Healthy lifestyles = healthier sex. If you have a chronic health condition like cancer, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic pain, depression, or anxiety -- handling the effects of these can enhance your sexual response, including sexual desire. Occasionally, better sex is the "carrot" needed to motivate us to care better for ourselves. Many medications negatively affect sexual desire. For example, many folks take antidepressants, and while moods may improve, antidepressants often don't enhance sexual desire, arousal, or orgasms. Adjustments to medications might be an alternative, but occasionally we need strategies that work around our necessary medications. Nutrition, bodily activity, sleep, and core use may be factors in baser levels of sexual desire. Those who have a Mediterranean diet have fewer sexual challenges. The exercise was found to be useful in enhancing sexual desire. Many women describe fatigue as a factor for their low hunger, and we are a society that's chronically deprived of restful sleep. While it may seem entirely unsexy to eat well, move often, rest, stop smoking, and moderate our material use -- all of these are modifiable factors we can influence and leverage to manage desirable sexual experiences.
4. Life gets in the way
Among the first questions, I ask when working with those who want more from their sexual encounters is: Are you prepared to put skin in the game? How does sex fit into your life? What priority does it have? None of us are going to find two more hours in our days. Making something a focus means other things will have to give. Chronic stress is a significant showstopper when it comes to sexual desire. As a society, we are absorbed by busyness and distraction. Stress reduction methods have been proved to grow sexual desire and embrace mindfulness and yoga.
5. Medications of hunger
I am sure some of you're searching for the little pink pill to be at the top of my list. Make this simple, Joni! Before you think I'm a realist when it gets to medicating desire, keep learning. There are presently two FDA-approved medications for deep desire in women. While we don't fully understand why they operate in certain women, we know they work together with our brain chemistry. We have brain chemicals that can improve or restrain sexual desire -- think dopamine, norepinephrine, and melanocortin as exciters and serotonin inhibitors. Bremelanotide (Vyleesi) is a self-injection before anticipated sexual activity. Both seem to provide some improvement in want for a subset of women. They are not without side effects and may not be appropriate for all women. And long-term safety information is still lacking. Yet, for a low desire that's not connected to an identifiable cause, these remedies might be a practical addition to our treatment programs. Testosterone has long been practiced in women for low desire. Its use is "off-label" -- meaning FDA has not approved it for the use of intense sexual desire. However, both clinical evidence and antidotal clinical encounter testosterone can be useful for many women.
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