Oh my lord...
...
... A-anyway, the notes! There's a couple of things to talk about.
Firstly, the original after-credits gag was this:
"Do you have a moment..."
"To discuss our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
I decided to go with the one in the chapter because I found it funnier.
I didn't want to lose this joke completely, so I put it here.
Anyway, here's some actual notes:
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This scene was tough.
The raw translation is:
"Punish me."
"The way you want."
"Please excuse me~"
"Because I can give you my body..."
"Please give me your cock..."
This is... awkwardly worded, to say the least, for an English speaker.
I had to present those phrases coherently with the required intensity to justify Chi-Ho's reaction, so I went with:
"Punish me."
"However you like."
"I'm begging you~"
"You can do anything to my body..."
"Please make me pay with your cock..."
This is a very loose translation to say the least, especially the last line, but it makes sense to me to portray it this way, and here's why:
Westerners are generally more open to expressing sexuality. For Chi-Ho to completely lose his self-control, it had to be a severe statement, and I don't think that saying "Please fuck me with your cock..." is enough, even taking into account how passionate it is. It also doesn't fit the previous line. So... I decided on a drastic statement. Originally it was even more drastic, but I decided on toning it down a little after my usual 12 hours away from it.
As for the rest, I translated to "I'm begging you~" because I wanted to keep up the generally more intense wordage while getting across the statement of "Please do this for me."
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The other scene worth talking about is this one:
The raw translation is:
"Haa... Chi-Ho-ya..."
"Ha, going to your school-house?"
Annnd we're back. Back with the Chi-Ho-ya... Putting "My Chi-Ho..." again feels wrong, so I had to retroactively decide on using "My dearest..." whenever she says Chi-Ho-ya. This is getting out of hand, but it works for now. I'm pretty sure we'll be back in a few weeks. I'm gonna have to resort to in-chapter T/Ns soon, aren't I...?
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Addendum: I ended up changing one more line from the original release: On page 2, where Hong says:
"Ah... You're being too rough..."
Originally, she said:
Ah... It's too much..."
Just a minor language change to make the meaning more plain.
I like to come back and tinker a bit after some time away. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees, and getting it right is worth the effort.
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Okay, that's all for today.
Boy, this was intense. I can only imagine what next week will be like. It's sure to be a big one!
~ PerpetualSigh