HARD TO BELIEVE? LISTEN FOR YOURSELF.
TRANSCRIPT:
Since the major display of patriotism on the Capitol a lot of people have been saying to me: “Mr President, are you going to apologize?” That’s not nice. Apologize for what? For winning too much? For having my historical landslide victory stolen by Sleepy Joe? For wanting to make America great again?
Apologies are for losers. Apologies are for low-energy people. Socialists. I’m the opposite of that.
But my lawyers and my conscience have advised me to say a few words. Beautiful words to throw barrels of beautiful oil on our troubled waters.
Folks - you know I’ve never done this before - apologize. Never had to. Still don’t. Just doing it to show you that I can do it. Because a Donald Trump apology would be the most tremendous, big beautiful apology you ever heard.
In real estate, in television, in universities, in casinos, in airlines, in vodka, in steaks – the Trump name stands for classy. It stands for phenomenal. I mean have you eaten my steak? Chefs think it’s the finest meat in all the world.
But suddenly some people say that ‘Trump’ stands for impeachments and domestic terrorism. What do they know? These people are not intelligent. I’m intelligent. Super smart, believe me – went to Wharton, graduated, made billions, dared to tell the truth about Barrack Obama, became President…
But sometimes people let you down: Mike, Rudy, Brett, Steve, Hope, Twitter, Kellyanne, HR, Eric – so many phonies. And to be honest some people are saying that some of the patriots who fought to Stop The Steal at the Capitol Building might have been a little…over enthusiastic. They were definitely very high energy. But maybe too much high energy. That’s just what I heard… sometimes you got to know when to hold back on the high energy.
Anyhow, I’d like to state for the record that these people should apologize if any offence was taken. Or criminal offences committed.
You know it’s funny – here I am on The Hardest Word podcast offering this beautiful heartfelt apology when I’m still waiting on my apologies from Fox News, from Mitch McConnell, from Rocket Man. I really thought I’d found a friend there – we were going to get matching haircuts but he was just like the rest of them - overrated. Only thing more overrated was Covid.
So really it is you – the American people and the would-be Americans of other countries that should be apologizing to me. I could have had a nice life – playing golf, doing business, winning at TV, grabbing pussies but I sacrificed all that to create the greatest economy that the world has ever seen. Some say it was the best society too.
Now big tech won’t even let me send a tweet.
Maybe I should start a podcast…