I want to Finally feel connected to people
I remember what it's like to feel loved
I don't get many chances to just think I always stimulate myself with like YouTube if I'm going on a walk something if I'm going to the bathroom and I always feels like I'm trying to distract myself
Check notes discord
Realize my apartment is not clean
Feel like I'm ping-ponging between feeling good and bad
Feel like coworkers don't like me
Inherent feeling people don't like me
Christine at graduation
Emptiness
Tennis feeling like I wasn't loved as much as I thought
how to cry
Kris gave me hug first
Not bad friends, just flawed people
Realized it's time for loss
Last time I'm going to see a lot of people
Last time I'm going to see friends in person
Last time I'm going to see friends together.
Feel like chemically held sadder than I should be, I'm depressed now and for a bit, no pleasure in anything and autopilot. Can't make myself cry, I get sadder until I get to the point I'm about to cry and then suddenly I just can't feel sad. Wish I could cry
How PE killed my sex drive
Want to take antidepressants again to fix issues
What's harm
Not being invited to tempura
Being able to fully clean apt and dishes sink with ritalin
nicole being cringe at movie night
not wanting to apologize or fix it for her
Exclusion Kris
Handling comments about feeds at tennis
Wish someone could swap with me for a bit and be like "wow how do you live like this"
When I think about Gushus group I'm constantly just faced with the feeling of these friends aren't exactly what I would consider close friends
Insecurities about friend, Khalid not inviting, spike ball Asad , Kris, impractical jokers friendship
Feel uncomfortable around huneycutt because feel almost hostility when talking about ADHD, like she wants to say I don't have it but won't respect me with the conversation/argument, I really respect her so it makes me sad
Starting to think that stuff like doing the dishes is supposed to be hard
Cognitive diffusion
Ritalin baby dose
How to be kinder and stop saying jokingly rude things
Was this what you needed for proof of?
No internship this summer because I couldn't bring myself to apply, only got internship first two summers due to dad's connections. Nothing this summer, couldn't find housing due to stress, didn't apply to colleges in hs and got fucked due to it, same for grad schools
fucked up major because I applied late because I couldn't bring myself to do it
too late to find summer jobs now
Suicidal over this failure and overwhelm
I think I'm depressed because I'm insecure about friends worried I'm going to lose them
Should I talk to Esme worried I'm pushing her away or thought we were way closer
starting to get super depressed
As a kid:
was called hyperactive
was smart, but got badish grades all because of silly mistakes
was forgetful and would lose things (but also mom would steal things?)
Couldn't do "simple" things
daydream in class often
talked too much, constantly talked to friends
super high energy until depression
couldn't wait for turn, would need to yell out answer or tell someone and would keep raising hand
grades did bad until I was able to take courses that were stimulating enough (stem)
Esme not having number saved
Still insecure
Do I not know what's normal to want in a friendship
Fixate on bad why
Still don't know why people could like me
I constantly overthink things about friends and social situations
Thinking about how Esme was awake but didn't respond
ADHD
difficulty in conversations and communication
issue with starting mental tasks
inability to focus on reading, leading to avoidance
can't just casually focus need at least an hour to sit down first
fully relying on friends to find out what to take classes, when tests are, important dates et
Sister has ADHD???
Depression bad
Anxiety worse
Can't enjoy sex don't want to have because fear not good
lose attention in lectures for minutes at a time
need to overstimulate in lectures to pay attention
esa letter
ADHD activation energy issues
NEED ESA LETTER
Before hash I slept 16 hours a day, suicide attempts, would not shower or brush for weeks, wouldn't leave apartment, skipped meals, isolated
I just don't get how people like me
Do people want to be around me why (not sad)
It feels like I'm not allowed to feel ok
It feels wrong to be all right, and that I want to live
Like it's weird that I'm not afraid for the future
For some reason I just shouldn't be in the present
Do I have autism?
I don't understand how to be with other people
I don't understand social settings
Very high functioning but maybe slight
Need to challenge myself more, I'm so afraid of that
I'm just waiting until I find someone like me that clicks really well and then I fall in love That's it it'll just take time
It's not about how to fill my time, it's about spending it
I can always go and do things for people I can go on walks I can try to create things they're all things I can do with my time
I want a girl I don't have to obey gender norms with
Christine coming and visiting and seeing friends with them
Hosting poker night and not having fun Don't want to do again
Worried about sex because a fear of coming quick
Get in my head because think friends use me
Complete apathy trivia night
feeling excluded by Reiley on commadore 64 question
not a single convo included me
just getting up and leaving
didn't feel anything
Sex thing
Misery is catalyst
Dealing with friends having more friends
Tonia.
I'm done being healthy, why do I get hurt so much seeing these relationships
What did I do wrong to not get it
gym
feel alone while not
should I feel upset that friends don't ask me to take classes with them other than Esme
If I am not aiming for excellence, how do I not just be a bum
low energy greeting from Reiley, but greets Jesus normally
Should I confront?
How can I be stable
Will they come if I build it
Friends resounding willingness to be there for me
Being sad that Feroxiz has these mentally ill egirls want him
How do I balance pushing myself and working on career versus not being stressed
Stressed about roommates in future and hash, rejecting research
what to do with time
good results reaching out
How can I get over the thought that people will only be friends with me if I provide value
Khalid sending huge page
Feel like friends hate me
Asad saying things while playing bunnies
Nicole always
At tennis some people just don't like me
What did I do wrong? Why do people not like me
worried people think im bad
Feel like friend hates me (Reiley)
self loathing
wanting to be ill
crash mentally
want to quit school
want to self isolate or confront friends
flirting with death ideas
Randomly crying / laughing fits
Why am I not enough, it's my fault that's the case
I can't stop laughing
Self isolating
I miss the feeling of being wanted
The reason I've been afraid of men even though I've never had a bad experience is because growing up I've been always told men are bad
I'm just not happy
Afraid to reach out to friends because I feel like I'll reach out too much and so myself isolate ** think I'm depressed more than I am
The Bunny girl senpai movie making me cry because of how much the girl loves him
Cm7
Dependence on assignments **
Why do you think I'm single, people complaining about being single doesn't make sense
attraction to parent types
allowing me to be sad
Wanting to drop 190I but not knowing if I'll be able to handle it later anyway
wanting suicide
Shaco comment
Laila being taken by Asad
Keeping a blog
Forced to overthink otherwise spiral
If I'm single how am I supposed to feel love like heart racing all that
It's hard to not overthink things when to not be depressed I have to figure out what I'm potentially sad about otherwise I'll fall into a spiral
Stop overthinking and overanalyzing things
Lower expectations
Reach out to people
Try to make friends with people and put yourself out of your comfort zone
Just do it
How to live in the present
Degen animes appealing to a sold dream
how to irl friend
How to be happy alone
Nicole being hurtful in 1 on 1, don't feel like she wants to play
Do I ask her why she didn't want me
Issues with if these people are my type, I'm just not wanted
They became a thing, Avi and Nicole
For 3+ days they didn't tell me
Feel like im losing Avi, partially because of how I see him now
didn't tell me anything
part of me wanted Nicole to start liking me
If I start thinking creativity of love, that just means I wasn't good enough and she didn't want me, but she wanted him instead
Didn't like Nicole, but asked her out; got rejected that was fine
she wanted Avi, and Avi kinda wants her, can't help but compare
Want to get out of the mindset women will only like me because of something I offer
Do women not like my personality? I have to act differently to get people to like me most often, feels like the girls who like my natural personality are much more rare, and fake(?tonia)
I think I need to be more creative in love I don't think that it's the fact that there's no one that's my type it's just the fact that I ruled them out too quickly
I feel like All of this is unfair and the fact that more people don't like me but I hear about my friends being liked
I feel like I have to blame myself for that, as I'm the common factor
Thought about being with someone I trust after orgasm no shame
after orgasm instant shame and want to avoid sex because think I have disappointed p
jennifer sidhwa
Good things instantly go away feeling, only feel bad
Why is life worth living like this
How to fight an enemy I can't see
Both lonely, but also scared of losing friends when school ends
Jealous of Sriya having multiple messages and groups on facebook messenger
Worried about using anime as escapism
Preferece for slice of life, using it as replacement for real life experiences
Date with Madison going horrible
Thinking she's absolutely pathetic, lowest value person
She said I came quick multiple times, after a lot of foreplay and weed.
PE is going to destroy me I feel that imminent dread
Now.i have a reason to be atraid of it
Talking with Annis, and she is struggling with same issues I am not finding friend groups etc, but she has super supportive and fun friends back home that still spend time with her, and online friends and all these things I would be happy with.
Her friends texting and calling and checking on her, no one has ever done that for me. Feels like being a man is way more isolated
It makes me mad for people who it is so easy to make friends for that they struggle, like if you gave me the things you had (being female, someone people seek etc) I would be able to get through my issues
Hate self Rx even in casual context
I'm getting depressed because I am upset that she is sad that she has the things I want so badly. It feels like shes complaining the food isn't good while im starving.
Haven't had any libido
Alcohol sobering up anxiety
Fixate in people looking bad on me
Someone can make out with me, dance with me grab me, since they didn't respond to one thing I think they hate me I ruined it
I think I wish friends understood depression
I don't want to be remedicated but feeling depression coming
Don't feel good around Reiley, only school friend feels like
Can't share interest
Hard for me to make friends as ME, so I've become introvert online
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia
Parents always made things my fault, reason why I always need myself to be at fault to get better
Issue with tax and how quickly they explicitly say it's my fault
Holy shit holy shit holy shit stop talking I want to argue back and point out issues but I know it's pointless
Why do I always have to be the punching bag does no one give a shit how their actions affect me
Role of mature person to just accept it and deal with it
No matter what it's always my fault, if they have any accountability they get mad and think everything is their fault
So used to using me as scapegoat so once they have to deal with consequences they can't handle it
I hate weak people like this. Actual children never forced to grow up.
I feel I have an ego not because I'm insecure, but because I think I am better than most others, I won't ego people I respect
I wanted to make my mom hurt, remind her that we are not friends, to not contact me for the illusion of being on good terms
Obsessively watching tesla, was the worst case situation. She actively watches and tracks where I am. I am done giving her benefit of the doubt
Talking w Avi, afraid of friendships and relationship that are temporary since I don't think I will get it again
Issues with Pre E
Still not enjoying o
How am I supposed to not be insecure about sex stuff when it's so normalized for people to harass men about possible issues ex size, duration
Don't think friends could enjoy spending time with me, so I just plan it out be the organizer
Elkhart tolle
What will my next thought be, reminder of being a spectator
Concert, hating normal people who dress conventionally attractive etc.
Feel like they are pawns and not individual, nothing to them
I look down on them
Want validation, but feel threatened by them
Feel like I have to put on a normal mask
Don't want to be friends with them, think they are superficial
Feel surrounded by judgement but no one cares lmao
Feel like I have to constantly appear a certain way
Nvm this is bliss
Emborided shirt of eyes and mask
Dark prayers
3 pt star
Still not enjoying big O
Feeling broken or wrong cause disgusted by parker
Not liking unsolicited stuff
Feel like throwing up
See as npcs
Mom being afraid of therapy
Music giving me insight to how people live
Moments of lucidity
Her eyes in the dream, having her love me
I think I can be loved, but that love is not how I would love someone more being liked
I want someone to enthusiastically show me they like me (crackhead girl)
Wanted to call Tonia in dream
Feel like I am behind track on finding love, not enough dates or people into me
Love for men is always conditional, I need value
Things I learned while high:
How to tap into childlike innocence
What the point of Buddhism is
Letting go of modern stresses
Modern poison
I feel like I'm letting my life go by without trying to get a relationship because I tell myself I'm about to move anyway
I just want to sit still and do nothing
Am I just supposed to forget by the bad things friends due to me, am I unrealistic
What to do while focusing on fire my brain wanders
I don't know if I'll find love, I feel confident in myself but not circumstance
What kinda life is just waiting until later for love
How to avoid resentment at people that have relationships that I think I would want to be in
I feel like all of my friends hate me especially old friends from high school like I feel like they would ignore me
I feel like no one would have a reason to miss me
Fighting for validation from women platonically
Bojack horseman hurt watching. Even though he was super flawed it hurt seeing him mesh with someone so well and then to love someone else. I hate meeting really cool girls that are taken.
Feeling excluded from the group. Doing CBT now
Being around people but still feeling alone
I feel like if someone wouldn't care if you weren't there then you're alone
I feel like I could just stand to swim and there forget about me
Dream about spending time with her and talking to her about not avoiding me, she thought she was schizophrenic and was doing me favor, still want to talk to her.
Broke down crying after in dream
Miss date night
Don't know why I want to talk to her
No one's #1 issue
I see Tonia everywhere
I see her face looking at me, both sad and fully cold, ignoring me
How to stop misinterpreting things
Claire with Angela Cassidy and Anjini
What if people who have been bad to me have good lives
People having high school friends
Christine incident, and friends choosing sides potentially
CLAIRE WANTED TO!
Feel guilty for talking with friend so much
Feel like I should apologize for having claire talk to me
feel like she must resent spending time with me
Must be
Don't know why Angela Cassidy Tonia hate me
Anything I really want I have to expect it will fail
Claire would rather 4th wheel than visit
Why does this keep happening to me
She didn't bail on random friends she hasn't been close with, but bailed on me
People either won't consider how it affects me, or somehow I meet only the people who don't
If I had to ask her to choose between me and random new friends + Angela she wouldn't choose me
ED & Tonia still in dreams
Why do the people I trust become shitty to me
What do I have to do for someone to choose me?
Everyone else has highschool friends but me
Death keeps coming up because its the only real answer, stop hiding
I need too much help and people can't give it to me, I can't live like this
What do I do if I'm just not happy?
Scared of going home
What if can't find someone who compatible
How much to compromise
No friends have had crushes on me
The idea of a friend I'm not interested in having a crush on another guy
What caused her to leave me
How do I know if someone is being genuine or again just changing who they are to get along
Feeling that only toxic or unstable people will like me
The fear it will end out of nowhere
How to trust if this fear
Stop being a fixer
Feeling that this is the best I'll be able to get
No relationship can come as close to someone trying to match me
Constantly doubt someone is not being honest if I ask if something's ok
Feel lied to and taken advantage of
Her telling my secrets to friend
How to tell if someone has boundaries, is honest
Feel like I have to change who I am to find love
Self esteem
Feel horrible that she changed the story after the fact
That was the happiest I've been
Want to try to fix them, or help them send them resource on victim complex
Change medication
No pleasure in life
How to stop seeing her everywhere
I want to email Tonia and do my best to fix her life trajectory, I want to try to reach her
Constantly trying to reaffirm that she was a toxic partner
I would be happy with her if I had the chance to fix her
Feel like I can reach her through logic or a well thought out argument
Need her to forgive me even though I didn't do anything wrong
How to stop trying to get everyone to like me
I must have been a bad person to deserve what happened
Other people don't get ghosted like this
Mix of she didn't have boundaries and tried to please me, and I wanted her to spend more time with me so clingy almost
What if she wasn't happy
how to be more mindful
dopamine detox
She didn't try to fix it at all
Hero complex trying to save her
Dealing with halo effect of her making me happy
I miss that original feeling in relationship
Having someone who touched me and loved hugging/kissing me
Wish she was able to do everything right and work it out
Being rejected by someone bad doesn't mean I'm lower than that, rejection just hurts
Want her to come crawling back asking for forgiveness for validation, but know it's better to move on
Internalized feeling that she rejected me meaning I'm lower than her
Saw text on suppressing feelings, wanted to show her
Fun =/ happy
Self fulfilling prophecy of ghosting
How to not think someone's ghosting when just busy
Want her to come back and try to talk to me so I can closure
Feeling like I see her everywhere avoiding me
how to deal with her not acknowledging me
constantly seeing her
don't want to sit with this feeling, want some kind of cope
Finding her Instagram and the friend wanting to leave a message
Changing medication maybe
Doing shrooms
Can't stop seeing her due to classes so always looking
It won't always be like this, she was just super shitty and I execrated it
How to shift my thinking from her to me
Being blocked is such an issue because of Mama ignoring us for months at a time
How to tell honest communication without constantly prying to check
How to trust future partner
