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ATOS Miracles · 8,638 like this
33 minutes ago ·
  • ATOS HUNGER STRIKER GEORGE - Statement Release:
    Posted @ 9pm 31st May 2013

    (George is entering Day 12 today, 1st June. To show your support and let him now what you are doing to get his story and ours out to the masses please go to his Facebook page. He is accepting Friend Requests): https://www.facebook.com/george.rolph.50

    Ok, over to George and his cunning plan :) ....

    THE CUNNING PLAN
    MK1
    Call me Baldrick if you wish. But, the other day I had a simple, cunning plan.
    Now, as I freely admit, most of my life's previous cunning plans have been out and out failures showing that a) I am not very smart, b) I am not very cunning, or c) I am neither smart or cunning. I shall have to let you vote on that one after you have read this cunning plan for yourself.

    First though, a health report.

    Now that I am drinking fluids, the ache in my kidneys has gone way and with it so has the wobbly leg-wobbly head thing I had when I tried to walk any distance. Therefore the good news is that I no longer resemble a puppet with an achy back. The other good news is I also feel stronger. In fact, apart from the occasional bit of dizziness now and again, I feel alright and weight is dropping off me.

    I started this thing on Monday 20th of May 2013 at midnight. At that time I weighed 260lbs. I weighed myself today and came in at 232lbs. (Note to self: must remember to close living room curtains when standing stock-still on piece of glass scales in nothing but a shirt....... Just joking.)

    No cravings for food at all, but a good tip for anyone fasting for dietary reasons is to fill your belly with water instead. It seems to help.

    Other news:

    Yes; I know you want to hear the cunning plan. Well, you can always skip this part you know. Tsk.

    (For foreign readers who may not understand what the word ‘Tsk’ means, it is simply the sound you make with your tongue on the roof of your mouth when saying ‘tsk.’ Bit like when you blow a kiss with your lips except this one is inside the mouth and doesn’t mean ‘kiss’. (I hope that clears that up for you.)

    A Ms Judith Pearce and a Mr Jim McKenna – two managers from the DWP – called yesterday (30th May) and filled out an appeal form for me and took away my sick note. Ms Pearce, who is a Senior Manager for the South Eastern Region, promised fast action. About thirty minutes later – which is pretty fast, let’s face it – I was called by an Ian Wiffen, from my local Job Centre. He told me he was hurrying matters along and would be in touch tomorrow (Today). A few hours ago at 5:15pm I got a call from another Laura at the BBC. She is from BBC Radio 5 and wants to do an interview early next week. I also got a call from Jim McKenna at the DWP. He wants to give me, at some point, an extra benefit. Makes a change from taking them all away I suppose!

    Oh, and today, Friday 31st May @ 12:00pm, Mr ‘Ozzie’ Osman, the fantastic NewsShopper photographer, from the local press came and took more pics of me. He is such a nice guy, with such an easy going manner one feels instantly comfortable with him.

    That's my news done. Now where was I. Um, oh yes, the cunning plan thing.

    Now, I have to be careful how I word this.

    Do you remember in one of my reports the other day I talked about how a giant machine can be brought shuddering to a halt by simply throwing a small spanner in the works? I also said that this ATOS-DWP machine was out of control and needed to stop, and how we should all pick up our spanners.

    ''Fine words (I hear the cynical and perhaps? saner readers crying out)...''but how does that actually work in practice?'' Ah well, you see, I am about to tell you.

    I once ran a business and as any small businessmen out there will tell you, the bane of the businessman’s life is paperwork. (back to this later.)

    Imagine, if you will, a company called: Dopey, Wilted & Pervy.
    Also, imagine that Dopey is Head of the Company and friends with the French CEO of another company nearby called: Abattre, Taper, Orqueil & Sbire Ltd.

    Mr Dopey comes into work one day to find that since he began advertising the company services on the Internet yesterday, there has been a sudden surge in interest in his products from potential customers. In fact, a huge surge of interest from both at home and overseas. So large a surge in fact, that to handle this flood, he has to take on extra office staff to cope with the demand. Of course, that incurs extra costs and Mr Dopey of D.W.P Ltd has to cover those costs. Company expenses will start to rise dramatically. Mr Dopey is not that worried because he can see a potential gain for his company in terms of sales.
    Excited by this sudden rush of interest in his products, Mr Dopey calls Mr Batard, the CEO of A.T.O.S Ltd.
    ‘‘Hey Froggy’’ he yells down the telephone at his pal. ‘‘I have discovered that if you advertise your company on the Interweb thingy and puts lots of email contacts on the Site, people start contacting you in their droves to find out what crap you can sell them.”Well, gifler mon cul et appelez-moi Percy!’’ yells his equally half witted French friend. ‘’I shall do zis immediately, or if not, then straight away.”

    Monsieur, Froggy Merde-Batard, calls a web designer that day and gets his own internet site up in a matter of hours. It is done so quickly because the internet designer is a disabled woman and Monsieur Froggy Merde-Batard tells her if she does not do it by the end of the day, he has friends in low places (The House of Commons) who can see to it she is never able to have money again.

    Sure enough, by the next morning, there is a huge rush of emails, letters and telephone calls to his company also asking for information about their products and other matters. Monsieur Froggy Merde-Batard hires in extra staff to deal with the case load.

    Of course dear reader, you and I know that the internet is a fickle place. Put something new out there and you can generate huge interest very quickly. Even, who knows, go viral in fact. However, interest can go away as quickly as it came. Our hapless idiots Monsieur Froggy Merde-Batard and Mr Dopey have not quite understood this fact and it is going to get them into a lot of very expensive problems. So expensive in fact, that their costs are going to start rising higher than their profits. You see, all those internet, mail and telephone inquiries are going to have be answered. One of these companies has even very kindly provided a freepost address. Can you imagine the volume of mail that might receive?

    The problem that Monsieur Froggy Merde-Batard and Mr Dopey have is that many of the inquiries they are getting from the Internet are really quite frivolous in nature. People, for example, are writing or calling in with simple questions concerning some aspect of the company or its products and when the newly hired and hurriedly trained staff answer those questions, the very same people then write in again with another question or, they simply ask for clarification of the answer they received to their first question. In other words, they become spanners tossed in the gears of Monsieur Froggy Merde-Batard's and Mr Dopey's machine; and their whole business begins to come to a grinding halt.
    Ouch!
    Now at this point I have to point out that both Monsieur Froggy Merde-Batard and Mr Dopey (as well as the companies of Abattre, Taper, Orqueil & Sbire Ltd and Dopey, Wilted and Pervy) are entirely fictional and should not be assumed to bear any resemblance to any person, living or dead, or any real companies with similar names. As they say in France: “Si vous voyez ce que je veux dire.”

    Google translate may help.

    YOU may think I am implying that two certain companies doing horrible things to sick people in the UK should be bombarded with mail, phone calls and emails, asking rather simple questions and then asking for clarification of the answers to those questions ad infinitum. Forcing them to have to employ lots of staff and huge expense – But, ''I could not possibly comment''...as one Francis Urquhart (better known by his initials FU) on an old television programme was wont to say:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Urquhart

    Anyway, you can call me Baldrick if you like, but that is my cunning plan.

    (There is also a plan B but we are sitting on that one for now.)
    George Rolph
    31st May 2013
    Ending day eleven on my hunger strike.