Deluxe 1-4 In Order

Ok, where did I leave off? Friday. OK, on Friday in school we had a "code Red" drill. That's when someone comes into the school and everybody gets freaked out and the teachers move all the students to the back of the room and turn off all the lights. That night I had to babysit Austin while mom & dad went to a Vonda Shepard concert. Saturday mom and I got up early to go to NV for an hour 1/2 voice lesson. On the way we listened to a CD that mom bought from the concert the night before. It was this band called Sugarland and the lead singer is this girl thats really good. I like their one song called "Baby Girl".

Hey, Today mom and I went to New York. We talked and laughed all the way up and parked in a garage near my voice lesson. We walked to her apartment and we worked on Smoky Black Nights after doing all of her warm ups. I didn't do it well @ ____ but she said that the song was "ingenious" Cool. After mom and I went to this cowboy/western store nearby. We get a white shirt that buttons up, jeans, and a white T w/ holes in it. Then we had pizza at a pizza place and walked back to the car stopping @ Tasti D-Lite, our FAVORITE ice cream store. It's kosher, non cholesterol, Extremely tasty, dream, frozen yogurt, and only 40 calories. Does it get any bette than that? Then we went home and got movies. You know, sometimes I think about what my First kiss is going to be like. It's going to be great and romantic.

I'm such a romantic. I just dream about looking into someones eyes and feeling something I've never felt before, you know? I just never was able to put a face to my fantasy. But something tells me that my first kiss is really far away from happening! Because the guys in our school aren't even worth worrying about. They are all in it for one thing and I think you know what that is. I guess I'll be okay without a first kiss!! xoxo

Oh I was SUCH a B**** today! When mom picked me up, she was late again because she thought I had varsity singers. I was nasty to everybody!! Oh, I tried to practice my songs for Nashville but I completely psyched myself out and broke down crying. I don't know if I can do this. I want it so bad but I get so scared of what might not happen! When I miss notes, I dive bomb and the whole thing goes crashing down. I just have to breath in... and breathe out... breathe in... relax, Nashville is not going to kill me... I can handle it. I'm okay. I'll be fine. I'm young. I'm talented. They'll see it in me. I'll be okay. I've got to hang out. can't worry. I'm only 13. I'm allowed to make mistakes, right? Oh, this is a lot to handle. P.S. Pray for a better day tomorrow!

Hey Journal,

I had to sing @ one Garden Party today so Mom and I went to the field and got some of the equipment set up Then we went home and I got ready. When we got there, all of my friends were there! and they helped set up (kind of) I started my show and in the first three chords of my first song, my guitar pick broke in half and flew out of my hands! There was this huge silence. It was awful! I had to bend over and pick it up in front of everyone!

And while I was singing, this guy was shouting stuff like, "Go on, B*#@*! Sing that country bullsh*t! Go on mother f*cker!" It was awful. After the garden party, we all went to the Reading Hospital to visit. nanny, she looks worse everytime we go. I sang I Used to Fly, A Little More Like You and Some Girl for Nanny and her roommate, Penny. Penny has liver cancer and is bald from chemo. All of the nurses loved listening to it. It went really well. Then we went home and I worked on a song called Not One Day. It's ok, but I don't know

Hey Diary,

This morning I woke up and I went over to RCA records and did a small showcase and "chatted" with them. We talked to this girl and she was really hip and cool with me. They really liked me and said they would call on Monday because she would be on vacation that weekend. Then we headed over to Capitol records and met with the president and vice president of the company. They totally flipped out over me! They even said I was the most talented 13-year-old they had ever seen! They told me that I should be thanking God everyday for the incredible gift he gave me. Well, I appreciate the compliment, but then they followed it up with "I'd just hate to see you jump into this right now and have a short-lived career." They very politely agreed that country is directed to 35-year-olds. Radio just doesn't play teens. That's where I'm gonna prove them wrong! Well, he took me on a tour at the building and gave me about 25 cds of capitol's artists. Isn't that nice? Then we went back to the hotel and then we went to the Bluebird Cafe, this cafe where like 4 songwriters go in and sing their songs. We sat all the way in the back. I have a radio call, meeting with Warner and flight to catch tomorrow. I need my sleep!!

I have a good feeling about RCA! 

Hey,

I really have decided that school is a big disappointment. It's only cool when you're popular. I'm not. It's cool when you have a boyfriend. It's cool when everybody likes you. I don't have that. But my extracurricular "life" is what really matters to me. 

I guess I'm just not good enough for people my own age. or maybe I'm not bad enough? 

Hey, I <3 SCHOOL! Today was the talent show, it was @ 9:30 am in front of the whole school. I was toward the end. When it was my turn, I sang Beautiful Eyes on my 12 string koa. It went well. I got a standing ovation and everything. After school, Mom and I went into Nashville and met at the label. I played Angelina and Beautiful Eyes for them. They told us that we have to pay for any demos we make before the deal... We didn't know about that. Afterward, we went to RCA Cafe. The people who played were really good and I want to write with a girl named Liz Rose who played.

Hey Diary,

I got a record deal! AHHHHH! RCA records in Nashville wants to give me a development deal!!! We were taking Sassy to the airport (late) and when we headed home, we stopped at a Taco Bell. My manager called us on Mom's cell and she gave the phone to me. He had dad on conference call. He started out by saying, "Well, we got follow ups on all of the labels. And they think you need a couple years to grow so they can put you on the radio... Except for RCA, who wants to sign you!! Congratulations!" I was going crazy. I cried. I guess I never really expected to get one! It's a development deal, but those are the only details we have. I told a bazillion people! We were making cds for a New Hampshire concert I have Friday till 2:00AM tonight. AHHH! Record deal! R . C . A Baby!

Hey,

Yesterday was Friday, and instead of going to the movies or something I fell asleep. I needed it! This last week was CRAZY. Ok, so Capitol Records doesn't think I'm ready right now and I could get a deal right now with them, but not the deal I would want. So on the other hand, there's Scott Borchetta, who we met w/ at Universal. And you know, I really loved all the stuff he said in the meeting, and he stayed for the whole Bluebird show. And he's SO passionate about this project. I think that's the way we're gonna go. I want to surround myself with passionate people. I'm not sad about Capitol, b/c I don't want to be lost on a big label, like with RCA

weather: Stormy

on the radio today: ME

what's going on? I've been on WSIX98 SO much lately and it's unbelievable

I am excited about: Being on the radio! I've been winning song challenges across the country

my concerns: Dude - I just want things to keep being amazing

I feel: Great. Feel like all the work is finally paying off.

Tomorrow: Lunch w/Abigail

Monday: Phoenix, open fo Hootie + the Blowfish at a huge radio event. 

Oh Gosh. Today was great. I got up early and went to Love Shack, a studio downtown with Mom. There I had an ISDN phone interview for Westood One radio, then one for NASCAR radio, then we broke for lunch, then went to Sirius Radio and that went amazing. Then an interview at CMT radio Then went to the label to label envelopes of singles. Then went home and me and Abigail watched GCE Nights. Then went to the v-ball courts. Then answered like 100 emails over myspace. Then my friend called me and said they heard "Tim McGraw" on the radio! and I couldn't believe it! I'm so excited. This is such an unbelievable life. I'm so happy. God I'm so lucky to be doing this. I really just hope things keep going great, and OH MY GOD This is all I've been waiting for! 

Mediabase: 14

Billboard: 17

OH MY GOD I am on the RASCAL FLATTS TOUR.

I got the call yesterday and screamed louder than I can ever remember screaming before. I'm opening up for the last nine dates of their tour. I'm so excited. My first Rascal show is tomorrow night in Omaha, Nebraska. I am SO excited.

Mediabase: 9

BB: 11

Hey,

So I just got in from Idaho Falls, I did a sold out show in Ogden, UT 2 Nights ago and then another in Idaho Falls last night. It was snowing in both places and FREAKING cold. MAN it was cold. So today we all piled in this huge van and drove to the airport in Salt Lake City (4 hr. drive) and me and mom were suppose to be flying to St. Louis for WIL Jinglefest, but Scott called me at the airport and said "St. Louis is supposed to get 15 inches of snow, they're cancelling the show. You have a day off." SO we hopped on a flight to Vegas, and were supposed to have a 4 hour layover, but we found a flight that was just about to leave for Nashville, and it was barely full so we ran and caught that one and here I am in my own bed. I have tomorrow off so I'm gonna go out to eat with Abigail.

Oh and I'm dieting again. Over the holidays I didn't watch what I ate and man it's so weird how fast I can gain or lose weight... It's crazy. So I'm going to lose some now.

 

Say you're sorry,

That face of an angel

Comes out just when you need it too.

As I paced back and forth

All this time cause I

honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on

Realize I should've known

Should've known....

 

I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep

off her feet, lead her up

the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood

this is a small town

 

I was a dreamer before

you went and let me down

Now it's too late for you

and your white horse

to come around

 

Maybe I was naive

Got lost in your eyes and

Never really had a chance

My mistake, I didn't know

to be in love you had to

fight to have the upper hand

I was never exactly what

you wanted, now I know

 

CHORUS

Well I had my dreams for

you and me, with happy endings

Now I know

There you are on your kneeds

begging for forgiveness

begging for me..

Just like I always

wanted to see...

 

But i'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

So I'm gonna find

someone who might

Actually treat me well

This is a big world

That was a small town

There in my rearview

mirror disappearing now

So it's too late for you

and your white horse

To catch me now

 

So I got to check off my first life goal today. My album sold 61,000 copies last week!!! My goal was to sell 50,000 in one week. We flew by that. How CRAZY is that? How crazy is this I'm playing The Wild horse Saloon tomorrow night and I'm SO excited. All of my friends are coming. Cannot WAIT. It's gonna be a fun show. S i've been home since Christmas.

Let's see, life is pretty good. I'm now obsessed with Law + Order. Completely obsessed. And my albums about to go gold. Haven't kissed a boy in 209 days.

I'm on the plane on the way to L.A. because we're playing the opening day for The Dodgers tomorrow. Yeah. It's Easter. I packed for LA and we (mom & I) went to the airport. At the gate, I got recognized by all these girls on a softball team, and this couple whose daughters love my cd... It happens everywhere I go now -- At lunch it happened 5 times so I signed the teams autographs and took pictures then they asked me to play a song (not thinking I'd say yes), so Emily, Grant, Ben , and I pulled out our instruments and played 'Our Song' and 'Teardrops On My Guitar' right there in the airport terminal. Ha. It was fun. Now we're just sitting here on the plane... Doing nothing. It's exactly a week till the CMT Music Awards, and I am SO nervous.

I apologize for not writing in so long. a lot has happened.. Let's see Christmas. It was great... Austin and Andrea had their minds set on frying the turkey this year, so the day before Christmas eve, my friend and I were sent to Walmart to buy a turkey fryer. Apparently no one in the store knew where a turkey fryer would be located. So, one hour and 50 million "will you sign this"'s later, we had a turkey fryer, which we found in the garden section. of all places. Frying the turkey was a cute idea. I give mom credit for being creative. They had the little rig set up in the back yard, and the 70 barrels of oil... it was great. When it actually came to making, edible food, that's where the whole thing fell apart. The turkey actually melted in the turkey fryer. It was disgusting. WE had a vegetarian Christmas dinner. Present exchanging was cool. I painted my dad 2 paintings for his office, and mom cried like a baby when we played 'The Best Day' DVD I mad her. I got an iphone from my parents, and I'm so obsessed with it, it's not even funny. It's my soulmate. 

Hi

It's me, the girl who always forgets to write in her journal. Oh yea. Her. I just got back from Australia I was there for 2 weeks and it was amazing. Gorgeous there.

So... what else has happened since I wrote...

I was on the cover of Rolling Stone. My town has sold out every venue including Madison Square Garden (in 1minute) and Staples Center (in 2)

I somehow feel like its my destiny to roll my eyes at happy couples and resent Valentines Day. I also feel like i'm the girl before "the one". I'm not "the one". I'm the girl you think is the one for you, and when it doesn't workout with me, you meet the next girl and realize she IS the one. The one you're gonna stay with. I might get married But I think its ultimately my fate to light candles and pine away and roll my eyes at happy couples and resent Valentines day.

Today was a wonderful day. And not because of some massive career accomplishment or award show. It wasn't about world domination or another number 1 song. Today was just... wonderful. Today was simple. And perfect. Because today was just me and my mom, driving around, looking at antiques in little antique shops, talking about what chandelier should go in the foyer and if this cabinet would look right in the guest room. We stopped for ice cream cones. It started raining hard while we were shopping, so we had to run back to the car, getting soaked and screaming. We met up with Dad and Austin for dinner at Kabuto. But the best part of the day was just driving around with my mom. Correction: riding around with my mom with a bunch of antiques clanking together in the trunk. I just kept thinking, when i'm 90 years old, re-living the good old days, I doubt if I'll look back on the number one parties as fondly and as frequently as I'll look back on today.

 

Wearing red lipstick for no reason, mom in her black t-shirt and wet hair, driving around talking about which chandelier should go in the foyer.

Ahh... the things that can change in a week...

Let's just say, if you had tol dme that kanye west would have been the number one focus of my week, the media, and my part in the VMA's. I would've looked at you crosse-eyed. If you had told me that I would win the award I was nominated for, I wouldn't have believed you. And if you had told me that one of the biggests stars in music was going to jump up onstage and announce that he thought I shouldn't have won on live television. I would've said "that stuff doesn't really happen in real life." Well.. apparently.... it does. 

My horoscope said today someone new is going to come into the picture and change my life in an exciting way. PLUS, its the 13th so it has to be true. Right? Right Well, I don't see it happening in the form of meeting someone. Maybe I'll get an email or a call. From someone fantastic and life changing. Or maybe I won't. That's more likely. I've been obsessing over the new album. I always do that until it's just right. I don't know if I have the formula just right for this one yet. I know there are great songs. I just need to figure out the strands that bond them together into a great album. And I will obsess until it's there. This album, any album, is the next 2 years of my life. It has to be more than amazing. It has to be great enough to keep my attention for 2 years.

So I've been obsessing over the new record to the point where it's all I can focus on. I'm majorly stressed and borderline losing it, with all these lists and chronic dissatisfaction. Perfectionist.ness. I keep growing tired of songs because I know I've raised the bar and I can beat half the songs. Scott and I had lunch the other day. We were talking about the record and I had this epiphany. I didn't talk in interviews about how I felt about much of what has happened in the last 2 years. I've been silent about so much that I'm saying on this album. It's time to Speak Now.

Scott freaked out. He loved it. We have a title, ladies and gentlemen.

Long live

The magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

Cause one day

We will be remembered

So I've been a little studio rat since the tour ended (and it ended oh so beautifully in front of 55,000 screaming fans at Gillette Stadium. It was just...wow) Ever since, I wake up to my cell phone alarm around 930 each morning, throw on a sundress, skip makeup, tie my hair in a messy side-braid, and head out the door with no shoes on. Because the only walking outside I'll be doing is from my house to my car, then from my car three steps to Nathan's basement studio. The CMT Awards were last week. I shocked the world and straightened my hair that night. Gasp!!

I worked on a song for a few days, then basically finished it in the car on the way to Nathans this morning. It. Is. So. Good. And I can safely say I am DONE writing this record!! This song is up-tempo, and hooky and sort of torn - sounding... like this horrible stressed confusion that comes on when you know the person youre pining away for is in the same room. And for some reason, there are these invisible walls keeping things from being okay. so you're not fine. And i'm so happy I wrote that song!!  

Themes for set

-whimsy/vintage/boudir

fantasy

-velvet maroon / magenta, purple, rich color

fabrics forming a tent/curtain

roof above stage

bird cages hanging

antique gold frames

snowy winter scene for back to december 

-maybe be lowered in a painting for opening

recreate a church for speak now

intro video my mouth/lips close up

I walked through the door with you/The air was cold. Something bout it felt like home somehow and I left my scarf there at your sisters house and you've still go it in your drawer even now.

Oh your sweet disposition. My wide eyed gaze. We're singing in the car getting lost upstate. Autumn leaves falling down like pieces in to place and I can picture it, after all these days.

I know it's long gone and that magics not here no more I might be ok but I'm not fine at all.

There we are again, little town street. You almost ran the red cause you were lookin out at me, wind in my hair, I was there I remember it all too well.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks are turning red. You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed.

Your mother telling stories about you on the the t-ball team taught me about your past, thinking your future was me.

I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do and I forgot about you long enough to forget why I needed to.

There we are again the middle of the night dancing round the kitchen in the fridgerator light down the stairs I was there I remember it all too well.

Maybe we got lost in translation maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up, running scared I was there I remember it

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise so casually cruel in the name of being honest I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lyin here

Time wont fly, its like im paralyzed by it. like to be my old self again but i'm still tryin to find it after plaid shirt days and nights you made me your own. Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone. But you kept my old scarf from that very first week. Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me.

You can't get rid of it cause you remember it all too well.

There we are again when I loved you so. Back before you lost the ONE real thing you've ever known. It was rare I remember it all. It was rare you were there you remember it all too well.

 

(i might have screwed up some of that, but i'm sure you know the words)

We went to Germany, then Venice Italy, then Milan. Germany was an amazing crowd. I was on a serious show high after that one. WE spent our 2 days off in Venice and it is CRAZY there. You have to travel everywhere by boat, and there are old houses where the front door steps lead straight down into water! I'd heard about it but actually seeing it is so surreal. 

The Next day I went exploring a little in the morning but I went back to the hotel and slept all day. I think I was catching up on sleep i didn't get the whole trip It wasn't until Venice that I actually slept a full night. We took a side trip to Schwangau, where they have the Castle Neuschwanstein. I've been in love with that castle since I was a little kid. I did a report on it in 4th grade. We drove 2 hours outside of Munich to rural (I mean remote, farmland, stuck in the 1600's rural) Germany and stayed in a tiny old hotel. My room had a circular bed that I couldn't sleep in (one leg is always dangling off the side) and went shopping in this little village surrounded by ??dirt?? castle walls because the town was built in the 1600's. we went to this little shop where we poured our own balsamic vinegar into bottles. I got this cranberry balsamic vinegar that is so good, you could probably drink it. 

Something so unexpected and amazing has happened recently.. I've become blissfully happy with my life. Like, actually grateful for every second of the day. I've noticed this onset for a while, but it really hit me in the last week, and especially since I wrote those 2 new songs. I really do need to create in order to live and feel worthwhile. But it's more than just that. I'm happy with my family. I'm happy about this tour. I'm happy that tomorrow morning I get on a plane to Pittsburgh, play a stadium of 60,000 people, then fly home. I'm happy that the next day i'm recording 2 new songs. I'm happy that I get to go to meet so many people on the road who make me feel like my music really matters to them. This ridiculous thing happens to me when i'm this happy... I start feeling like karma will balance it all out by making something tragic happen. But i'm trying to just show gratitude as much as I can. Everyday, every minute, I'm grateful for being happy right this moment. I think I'm a summer person. I'm also a work person. Tour gives me something to pour myself into and a reason to feel ok about sleeping in till noon on my days off. Today i went to a management meeting and approved/declined things and then went shopping for Father's Day. Tomorrow it might rain in Pittsburgh. I hope it doesn't.

Tonight we played in Memphis. I've had a chest infection for the last few days, so singing has been so hard. Last night, my voice kept quitting on me, going all raspy or just not being able to reach the high notes... I almost cancelled tonight's show, but I made it through. I went into a few coughing fits tonight, but I sounded better than last night. We've already played 3 shows in Nashville!, Knoxville, Louisville, Lexington. We only have 9 shows left on this tour and I'm ready for a break. I've written 2 songs in the last few days. I want to record them so bad but my voice is shot from being so run down I'm just so glad to have a few days off. (ok... 2)

Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

Getting a kitten!!!

 

I've wanted a cat for so long and I'm finally doing it. I love Scottish Folds. I look up internet videos of them. They're so cute and love humans. So i'm going to get this little kitten tomorrow morning! I'm naming her Meredith. Meredith Gray Because she's gray.

I was reminiscing just the other day while having coffee all alone and lord it took me away - back to the first glance feeling on New Time you were the last word filling out the end of they rhyme and how we took off faster than a green light go yeah you skip the conversation when you already know

on the door I left a note with a joke we'd made

That was the first day

and darling it was good. Never looking down. But right there where we stood was holy ground. 

So here we are in Perth. It's a beach town on the Indian Ocean and it's beautiful. It's 85 and sunny and yesterday I went to Cottesloe Beach.

I've never seen water that crystal blue before. And white sand. There was this art festival going on, so there were all these sculptures set up on the beach. We laid our towels out and got tans and frolicked in the water. After our beach afternoon, we went to this restaurant right on the beach called Indiana. It was built in 1910 and looked like an old fancy hotel. It's one of the most beautiful places I've been, with old world arches and moldings, antique tables, and big french doors opening out to the views of azure blue ocean. We sat there for hours drinking strawberry mojitos and eating calamari until I was so tired, I went back to my fluffy hotel bed and slept.

I've been thinking a lot about getting older and relevancy and how all my heroes have ended up along. I wrote a song on the plane ride from Sydney to Perth on the Appalachian Dulcimer I bought the day of my flight. I bought it because Joni played on most of her Blue record. I taught myself to play 'A Case of You'. Anyway, i wrote a song and it's called 'Nothin New' and it's about being scared of aging and things changing and losing what you have. It says "I'm getting older and less sure of what you like about me anyways". And in the chorus it says "how can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22? And will you still want me... when I'm nothing new" It's a really vulnerable song, but I think it's important to say.

I've been in the studio non stop this week. I was in with Max Martin and Johan Shellback. The guys, I wrote 'Getting Back Together with. The first day, I had to do this corporate performance for an arena full of managers. I played love story and mean solo acoustic and Justin Timberlake was MCing so he introduced me. Hilarious sense of humor. He was making the whole arena laugh. When I finished there, i got on the plane and this idea came to me "i don't know about you, but i'm feeling 22" I wrote the entire chorus on the plane ride to LA. When I landed I went straight to the studio and played it for Max and Johan. They loved it. 

I was so excited. I wrote 22 about how much fun I've been having this summer and this year in general. It's so ??___?? and sounds like a summer anthem. I was floating on a cloud after we wrote it. The next day I brought them a chorus called "trouble" that's about how I should've known what I was getting into. 

We came back to 'Trouble' and it turned out to be absolutely amazing. It's so edgy and unexpected. It's almost dubstep. My friends love that one the most. 

I love writing so much. It's the only thing that makes total sense to me. 

If i missed a day in the studio I'd be so mad at myself. God iv'e been having such a beautiful life lately. I can't believe it. It's like there's magic in the air. 

Friday was my day off, I woke up and went hiking then went home and showered, painted my nails, daydreamed about our trip for 4th of July 

Clear blue water

High tide came and brought ??You??

skies grew darker

Currents swept you out again

in silent screams

in wildest dreams

i never dreamed of this

 

this love is good

this love is bad

this love is alive

back from the dead, oh

these hands had to let it go free

and this love came back to me

 

Twisting, turning

tried to keep warm

with someone new

lantern burning, flickered

through the night for only you

through losing grip

on sinking ships

you showed up just in time

chorus 

 

This love is good

this love is bad

this love is alive.

back from the dead. oh

these hands had to let it go free

and this lvoe came back to me

this love left a permanent mark

this love is glowing in the dark, oh

these hands had to let it go free

and this love came back to me

 

you kiss, my cheek

i watched you leave

your smile, my ghost

i fell to my knees

when your'e young

you just run

but you came back

to what you need

you're what i need

chorus 

WE played three shows in Auckland, New Zealand and they went so well. I was a little worried I wouldn't be able to snap right back into this show, but I actually feel like I'm putting on better shows now. My posture, my movement, it's all so much more pronounced and I finally feel in control of my legs and feet. Ella (Lorde) came and hung out with me the day of the first show, at my hotel and we caught up. Today we all flew to Syndey. Christmas is right around the corner, so I've been obsessing over what to get Austin. And I decided on a sentimental gift, rounding up all the hilarious texts and memes he's sent me in the last year, and putting them in a scrap book called 'Shit My Brother Says'. So I got a printer and I worked on the book.

 

ALL day in my room instead of going out. Tomorrow is the show!

So I've decided I want to look at places in New York. I know I went through this phase months ago, but it has to mean something that i've circled back to it, right? You know what they say, if you love something let it go and if it comes back... blah blah blah. so I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. Dating is awful. Love is fiction/ a myth. I'm over it all.

This week I've been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something up and light. We worked at it for a few hours before i just started singing "shake it off, shake it off, shake it off" And then the best way i know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky.

It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat.

We all went home and I wrote the first and second versions and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording the background vocals. I think it'll end up being the first single and Max said it's his favorite song he's ever been a part of.

So in the last few weeks, I've completely moved into my apartment in Tribeca. That's right, I'm writing this from my new bed in my new place, watching Law and Order with Meredith. Strangely, I've never felt more busy.

So we got to China at around 2pm and I knew it would completely ruin me if I slept when i got to the hotel, so I decided to work out.

WHY IS THIS PEN RUNNING OUT?!

Just went to my purse and got my pen. So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours.

Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I'd chosen for the album cover wasn't good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. 

it woke me up. I couldn't shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I'd been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut... it wasn't good enough.

I went to the venue, mind racing, wandering if I'd have to do an entirely new photo shoot... I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the "cover" I looked at it and felt nothing.

The team pulled up this new scanned file of the polaroids we had taken during the shoot. 

I saw it within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It's a polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull sweatshirt on. You can see my red lips but the photo cuts off my eyes. For some reason unknown to me it's the most intriguing photo i've seen. I think it's the mystery of not seeing my eyes. 

Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool 

The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. 

I kid you not.

 

I played a sold out show in Shanghai tonight and the crowd was amazing. Tomorrow we go to Tokyo, where they'll have the whole ticker tape parade at the airport. 

 

Smile and wave...

Nashville

This summer is the apocalypse

I get all scared about the future because so much has changed in the last year of my life. I mean this time last year I was living in LA, getting ready for Grammys

and now I'm essentially based in London, hiding out trying to protect us from the nasty world that just wants to ruin things.

We have been together and no one has found out for 3 months now. I want it to stay that way because I don't want anything about this to change

 

or become too complicated or intruded upon. But it's senseless to worry about someday not being happy when I am happy now. Ok. Breathe.