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Things I learned in college/life that I feel like passing on

 

1. Always go out into public dressed and showered as if you were going to run into the love of your life.

 

2. Have only a few select friends to which you tell your deepest secrets to. It has to be someone you could never be sexually attracted to. (I'm a straight guy, so mine is a straight guy.) Be there for him and he will do the same for you.

 

3. Never let anyone outside of your "circle" know what's going on. Always keep the appearance that everything in your life is going great. No-one can respect a loser. So even if you are one. Lie.

 

4. If drama occurs with some of your acquaintances, offer sound, yet neutral advice. Never waste energy in an argument that you're not really invested in. Plus, it makes you appear like a "good" person if you're nice to both parties. You will remain "friends" with everyone.

 

5. ACTUALLY care about schoolwork. If your friends/romantic interest wants to hang out but you have an exam coming up. Tell them you need to study. Earning an A on a hard ass exam is a great fucking feeling. Friends change, your transcript doesn't.

 

6. Make friends with a few of your favorite professors. Visit them during their office hours, invite them to your apartment even. It may seem weird, but try to make them see you as a colleague rather than a student. Next thing you know you're getting a beer at the local bar with them. References=Networking gold. You never know who they could hook you up with.

 

7. Always be mindful of your money situation, but always set aside some just to blow on worthless shit. Buying people a drink, or food from time to time is rarely forgotten. (If you sense someone is a mooch, drop them immediately though.)

 

8. Join more clubs. You would be surprised how many people share your interests. You can meet some great people in these.

 

9. Find something to be passionate about. (Note: Passionate, not obsessive.) Girls really dig guys who are passionate about something. You can find a girl who shares your passions and it is incredible. Even if it's something "lame" odds are you'll find a girl who shares those interests too. Next thing you know people will be saying how you were "made for each other."

 

10. Read more. Read some of the canon, I used to be a sci-fi only fag, but then I started reading a bunch of the older shit. Plato, Dante's Inferno, all the mainstream old shit. It makes you look a lot smarter and you can use that to your advantage. Also read as many religious texts, and science texts as possible. You never know when you could use these to appear more intelligent. Memorize a few quotes and you're fucking set. It's also really cool to see the parallels the Koran and the Bible have. A good bookshelf also makes you seem more learned.

 

11. Go to your local book store and find a field guide to stargazing. Go out alone one night and try to star-hop. Memorize at least ten formations. Nothing makes you look more intelligent than when you're with a group of friends and you start pointing to stars saying "Ursa Major sure looks big tonight" "Oh what's Ursa Major?” “It's the big dipper...It's latin for Big bear."

 

12. Memorize all the countries and their capitals. If you're an Amerifag do this as well as all the states and where they are. Also learn an interesting fact about each state.

 

13. Watch more documentaries, whether it be about ancient history, roman, american, natural history, watch more, lurk moar. You'd be surprised how many times a subject comes up that you happened to watch last night.

 

14. With all the stuff you know, never be an asshole about your intelligence. If someone asks "how do you know that?" act as if you "must have just picked it up somewhere..." Never be the first to speak, always act. Let the other person think they are in control of whatever situation they are in. If you know what someone is saying is wrong, be very tentative about correcting them. "I dunno, I think maybe ... " Always try to get people to underestimate you. The person who drums the loudest is usually hiding the most.

 

15. Try to appear aloof. If something actually bothers you, hide your emotions from others. Once again, only let your small circle of friends see the "real you." Appearing aloof makes you seem more mysterious, seeming more mysterious makes you seem more interesting. People like interesting people.

 

16. Never make a promise you cannot keep to your circle of friends. To everyone else, being strategically flakey from time to time will make you seem more interesting as well. Say you're going to meet up with some acquaintances, but you'd rather be sleeping. Tell them an elaborate lie that makes you seem like you are REALLY bummed out by letting them down. You made more ground socially by not showing up than you probably would have by making inane conversation with them. As long as you make it seem like you really really wanted to "chill" with them.

 

17. Bring your own alcohol to parties. If you are under 21 it's easy as shit to get some upperclassman to buy you something. Tip the upperclassman for going through the trouble of doing it though. At a party always arrive 30-45 minutes late with a nice buzz going. Be liberal in giving out your alcohol/weed. Leave the party when you're bored with it.

 

18. Always wear a condom. Not only is it safe, it really eases your mind the week after. Otherwise you'll constantly think you knocked her up or you have HIV.

 

19. Only have sex if you're actually interested in the person. Having the reputation that you're a whore is never good. Flirting with everyone however makes you seem charming.

 

20. If you're worried about your cock size don't. Worrying in the bed only worsens a situation. Get good at oral and squeeze your penis tighter when you're masturbating. It will help you last longer. Always try to get the girl to cum before you cum. If you do it from oral, you won't have a care in the world, next thing you know you made her cum once from oral, and once or twice from your cock in just one session.

 

21. Never fuck and tell except for your close circle. Always appear aloof at the situation. Let other people guess the truth. It's not your fault that they "guessed'' who you had sex with. Never ever fuck roommates.

 

22. Get a job while in college. Try to constantly be working, or constantly be learning. Apathy is death apathy is death apathy is death. Work out when you're tired of the former two. You don't need an awesome body, but don't let yourself go.

 

23. Pick a day of the week (mine is Sunday) when you don't do much of anything. Read a book for fun, download a movie that isn't mainstream, read the news, draw even if you suck at it, play the guitar even if you suck at it, look at the stock market from the previous week, write down your thoughts on anything. Looking back on who you were is really interesting. If you play a mmorpg (I fly around in my Hyperion on Eve) only play it on this day and this day only. Don't join a clan because it will begin to rule you. That is what mmorpgs were designed to do. Play the game casually because you're interested in its subject matter. (I've always wanted to be an astronaut but that's probably not going to happen, so instead I just fly around in nulsec space.)

 

24. Don't ever think about being an hero. If you're reading this it means you have the internet. If you have the internet it means you're in a social/economic situation that is better than like 70 percent of the rest of the fucking world. There are people who would kill to be in your lucky shoes. There are people dying of cancer who wish they could live just a few more days. The odds that you are even alive, and to be lucky enough to be in your situation are so small that to think of ending it because of something stupid should not even be an option.

 

tl:dr Lurk moar, fuck moar, live moar.