I know you said no males, but hear me out here.

I'm a 19 year old guy who just moved to Toronto. I'm currently having some Hard beginnings, and looking for a job, but OW said they'd cover me for a place up to $500. Fine. So I'm looking around at places and I see yours, thinking it's amazing I decide to message. only then I see the "no males" part. Here's why I'd be a perfect candidate, even though I'm a proud owner of a penis.

1 - I'm gay. Instantly I have absolutely no interest in your womanly parts, and I can turn guys away.

2 - I'm awesome with fashion. I'm gay. It's built in. I dress casually and it doesn't always match perfectly, but that's because I really don't have any money for clothes. However, I'm brilliant with finding good outfits.

3 - I'm British. Instantly I've got an accent that people melt over. So that's another thing.

4 - I had about 2 years of Cosomotolgy classes in high school so I can help you out with make up, hair, etc.

5 - I keep the toilet seat down and I know how to aim. So no messy bathrooms from me. 

6 - I'm not a flaming homosexual. I'm fairly average, and "straight acting" even though I hate that term. 

7 - I'm hilarious. Seriously. I'm extremely funny.

8 - I'm also single, and fairly fat. So when it comes down to it, there won't be any late night moaning of two guys banging a headboard against a wall.

9 - As said above, I'm gay and funny. I'm a less sexy Will Truman. And if all works out, you could possibly be my Grace Adler. 

Lemme know what you think.