uu: SO WHEN I SAY YOU’RE UGLY. WHICH YOU FACTUALLY ARE.

uu: I MEAN THAT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. OF BEING NORMAL, AND NOT A SHITTY ALIEN. TO SAY THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE IN AN UNPLEASANT WAY. TO MY BRAIN.

GG: Hrm.

GG: Nope. That makes very little sense.

uu: FUCK. TRY USING YOUR SUPPOSEDLY BETTER SMARTNESS THAN MINE.

uu: AND THINK SOMEWHAT LATERALLY. ABOUT LIKE. FUCKING CULTURE. THAT ISN’T *YOURS*.

uu: YOU DUMB BITCH.

GG: Yes, I see it all too clearly now. You’re really quite the charmer!

uu: NO. COME ON. “DUMB BITCH” IS ANOTHER GREAT COMPLIMENT.

uu: IN THE SAME VEIN AS THAT WHICH I JUST DESCRIBED.

uu: IT’S A TERM OF “ENDEARMENKSKLJJF” I USE TO TALK ABOUT GIRLS. WHO IN MY VIEW HAVE MANAGED TO AVOID BEING.

uu: UTTERLY BENEATH MY PERSONAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. THIS ISN’T COMPLICATED.
GG: Uh huh.

GG: So you’re actually trying to claim that you find me attractive, from the alleged “bad means good” point of view of your hate-driven species?

uu: DEFINITELY.

uu: I’M NOT JOKING AROUND, CROCKER.

uu: I’VE UNLOCKED A BUNCH OF YOUR SCREENS. AND SPENT A LOT OF TIME WATCHING YOU.

uu: WHILE THINKING. JUST.

uu: THE *DIIIIRTIEST* THOUGHTS.

uu: HEE HEE. HAA.

GG: Eww.

GG: You pig.

uu: THE OTHER FEMALE TOO. LET’S NOT FORGET YOUR SQUAD’S BACKUP BITCH.

uu: HOW NASTY IS SHE?? JUST SO FOUL. AND THE THINGS YOU GET UP TO WITH ONE ANOTHER. OH MY.

uu: NEED I EVEN CITE THE ALTERCATION WITH YOUR PUFFY SLUMBER LOAVES?

GG: Excuse me??

uu: MY COMPLIMENTS IN PARTICULAR. ON YOUR COLORFUL UNDERGARMENTS.

uu: WHILE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON THE SOFT HUMAN SARSWAPAGUS.

GG: Oh, that’s just great.

GG: The ONE TIME we had a generic girly pillow fight, and it turns out some pervert was watching us.

GG: I think I need a shower.

GG: Assuming I can ever take one again in peace!

uu: DON’T WORRY. YOU CAN’T.

uu: BUT SERIOUSLY. JANE. CAN I CALL YOU JANE? BITCH, LISTEN.

uu: YOU ARE ONE GRODY HARLOT. WHICH MEANS GOOD (BAD) THINGS TO ME, LET’S REMEMBER.

uu: WHEN I UNLOCKED YOU. I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE I’VE CHANGED? OR MAYBE JUST YOU. SINCE YOU TURNED OLDER. BUT YOU’VE REALLY.

uu: FILLED OUT.

uu: SINCE I LAST SAW YOU BEFORE.

GG: What?

GG: …

GG: Really?

uu: HELL YES.

uu: I DO ENJOY A MEATY BITCH. WITH A LITTLE CLOUT.

GG: What do you mean, exactly…

GG: By “clout?”

uu: OH. I THINK YOU KNOW.

uu: WHEN PHYSICAL PORTIONS OF THE BITCH. KIND OF JUT OUT. EXUBERANTLY.

GG: Do you mean…

GG: My…

GG: Why am I even having this conversation!

uu: I JUST HAVE A WEAK SPOT. FOR THE ABOVE AVERAGE HEFT OF YOUR PARTS. WHICH WOBBLE THE MOST.

uu: NOW DO SOMETHING NAUSEATING FOR ME TO WATCH.

uu: I WANT TO SEE A TAWDRY ACT OF HARD CORE SCHMALTZ.

uu: SEE THAT ROCK OVER THERE. PRETEND IT IS THE OTHER INSOLENT BITCH.

uu: ACT A LITTLE NERVOUS. WITH YOUR IDLE HAND, GRAZE ONE OF YOUR MORE BULBOUS LOCATIONS “INCIDENTALLY”.

uu: THEN ASK THE ROCK IF IT WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE!!! OOOOOOOH.

GG: What? No!

GG: Are you insane?

GG: I don’t care where you are, or whatever the hell it is you “unlocked” to spy on me.

GG: You aren’t allowed to sit there all day leering at my boobs!!!

uu: YOUR WHAT.

GG: My… what?

GG: Wait, what were YOU talking about?

uu: NO. TELL ME WHAT THOSE THINGS YOU SAID ARE. I’M SO ENTICED!

GG: Screw you!

GG: Tell me what you were getting at with all that!!

GG: The stuff about “clout,” and my “bulbous locations.”

uu: I WAS JUST SAYING. MY TASTE PREFERS.

uu: WHEN THE BUXOM SHREW’S PHYSIQUE PUTS A HEALTHY DENT IN SPACETIME.

GG: Spacetime??

uu: I LIKE HOW SALTY IT IS. WHEN A BITCH GROWS OUT OF HER SKELETAL PHASE.

uu: AND HER FRAME REALLY BEGINS TO CHALLENGE THE HORIZONTAL DIMENSIONS.

GG: WHAT!

uu: WHEN THE FEMALE RUMP STARTS GETTING MORE MILEAGE OUT OF ITS WIDENESS ATTRIBUTE. MORE BANG FOR ITS BOONBUCK!

uu: IT EXCITES ME BETTER. WHEN BITCHES PUNISH THE GROUND. WITH EACH MEGALITHIC FOOTSTEP.

GG: SHUT UP!

GG: I’M NOT FAT!!!

uu: JANE BITCH. I HAVE NEW ORDERS.

uu: YOU WILL STRIP TO THE SCANTY PAIR OF PARTY PANTS AND THE CLOTH CHEST PIECE WHICH YOU WEAR UNDER THOSE PLAIN RAGS.

uu: THEN FIND A NAUGHTY PATCH OF MUD.

uu: AND ROLL AROUND IN THE MUD. LIKE AN EARTH PIG.

uu: FLAUNTING FOR ME. YOUR SLIPPERY AND SWOLLEN PORCINE PHYSICALITY.

uu: AND MAYBE GRUNT SOME DECADENT POEMS THROUGH YOUR SNOUT. ABOUT SOME SHITFACE YOU “ADOREFJSDKLJJF”.

uu: OOOOH YES.

uu: THAT WOULD BE.

uu: *WRRRRETCHED!*

GG: GO FUCK YOURSELF!

uu: WAIT! DON’T SHUT ME OUT.

uu: REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. ABOUT OUR DIFFERENT CULTURES OR WHATEVER.

uu: HAVE A FUCKING OPEN MIND, JANE.

uu: I MADE YOU A PRESENT. FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. WHATEVER THAT ACTUALLY IS.

uu: SEE HOW I’M MAKING AN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND YOUR CUSTOMS?

uu: MEET ME HALF OF THE GODDAMN WAY.

GG: Oh cripes.

GG: What is it?

uu: A SUBLIME ARTISTIC PORTRAIT.

uu: REMEMBER HOW I SAID MY POWER WAS GROWING WITH EACH DAY.

uu: THIS APPLIES AS WELL TO MY PROWESS AS A DRAFTSMAN.

GG: Oh goodness, no. You poor delusional thing.

GG: I don’t care what progress you think you’ve made. You will never be a good artist, dear.

uu: HORSESHIT.

uu: MY ILLUSTRATION IS STUNNING. IT IS NEARLY A PHOTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF YOUR ODIOUS MILKSHAKE.

uu: NOW PARK THE INDUSTRIAL LOAD OF FREIGHT YOU DECLARE A BOTTOM. AND FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY FUCKING EXCELLENCE!

uu: http://tinyurl.com/JANETHISISYOU

GG: Groan.

uu: I BELIEVE I HAVE CHOSEN THE PERFECT SHAPE FOR YOU.

uu: IT IS DESCRIBED IN CERTAIN CIRCLES KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE ARTS. AS. “A CIRCLE”.

uu: I AM VERY PLEASED WITH HOW FAITHFULLY IT HAS CAPTURED THE OBSCENE ROTUNDITY. OF YOUR MAGNIFICENT CARRIAGE.

uu: TRULY A SPITTING IMAGE OF THE CROCKER BITCH.

uu: NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU MAY LEARN SOMETHING.

uu: THE MASTERPIECE AFICIONADO WILL NOTICE. HOW I ACHIEVED THIS HIGHLY ADVANCED AND DIFFICULT SHAPE.

uu: WHAT MOST GIFTED ARTISANS WILL TELL YOU. IS THAT. CIRCLES ARE BASICALLY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO DRAW.

uu: TRUST ME.

uu: IT’S LIKE A PARADOX. A SHAPE WITHOUT ANGLES. WHAT??

uu: SO I FUCKING CHEATED.

uu: I NAVIGATED THE IRRATIONAL PERIMETER BY MAKING A LOT OF EASILY UNDERSTANDABLE, TOTALLY LOGICAL MARKS. FORMING A WHOLE BUNCH OF LITTLE RIGHT ANGLES.

uu: THE CHEATING PART HAPPENS WHEN I DO THIS A LOT. SO IT GOES IN A ROUND DIRECTION.

uu: THIS ONE CAME OUT WELL I THINK. BUT THERE’S ROOM TO IMPROVE.

uu: I HAVE THEORIZED THAT IF I KEEP MAKING BOGUS CIRCLES LIKE THIS.

uu: WHILE DRAWING MORE AND MORE ANGLES. BUT SMALLER. SO SMALL THAT YOU START CAN’T SEEING THEM.

uu: THAT THE ILLUSION OF THE CIRCLE WILL BE COMPLETE! AND PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE IN THE FAKE CIRCLE. LIKE A BUNCH OF SUCKERS.

uu: I BET NOBODY HAS THOUGHT OF THAT CIRCLE STRATEGY. I THINK I’M THE FIRST AT THIS IDEA. AND BEST AT IT ALREADY.

uu: PEOPLE THINK I’M DUMB. ESPECIALLY THE VOICE IN MY HEAD.

uu: AND THEY MAY BE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING DUMB.

uu: BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE SPECIAL WAY I DO THINGS. WHICH IS ALWAYS ACTUALLY. THE PERFECT WAY.

uu: I AM.

uu: A GENIUS!")